Leaving Cahms

Ziggy_Stardust

My daughter is almost 18 and is leaving cahms at the end of this week, she has been there for about 18 months having help for emotional problems. I have always had a good relationship with her Dr there and been able to call him in a crisis or if I was worried about anything, he didn't tell me anything he was not supposed to but he would reassure me or note down my concerns and discuss them with my daughter at the next meeting. On Monday I spoke to the new person she is going to be seeing and he has told me that there is to be no contact at all and if he feels my daughter is in danger he will contact the GP and not me :eek:!

I understand ethics and confidentiality but I'm her main carer surely we should be working together on helping get my daughter better. I've just had her school call me this afternoon to tell me she's had a seizure (these are not epilesy but are as a result of anxiety) but I feel my hands are tied, I can go and collect her and bring her home but I can't try and help her over the problem, the school ask me questions as they want to help but there's nothing I can tell them.

Guess this has turned into a rant ...sorry, but I'm really looking for some advice from others who might have been in the same situation.

lellie

Your daughter has to enter adult services at some point and as she is almost 18 (and over 16) I actually think it is right that they don't break her confidentiality, even if you are her main carer.

If she doesn't mind you knowing, she should be able to state this to the doctor and then they may give you some vague information, but even then it will not be detailed and if there is a risk of danger they won't notify you, but will notify her care co-ordinator/GP.

You could talk to your daughter, explain that you are concerned and that you want her to be open with you. Ask her to tell you when things are difficult for her. If she trusts you she will. You just have to give her support and hope she will come to you. You certainly can't push it.

I guess this for her is part of becoming an adult. She will have to learn to cope with adult services as opposed to CAMHS. Taking responsibility for her own care is part of growing up and will be good for her.

Good luck. Just try and be supportive but hold back and let her work things out with her team herself.

Ziggy_Stardust

Thanks Lellie, I agree with you about her confidentiality I don't want them to break it by her feeling confident to talk to them helps in her treatment but at the moment I feel like I've been dropped in a big black hole and am being told you are expected to look after her but we are not going to help you in this task.

I guess I'm scared that if a crisis should happen I will no longer be able to call her team for help . Part of her condition involves memory loss and I'm worried that she might forget to mention stuff that might be important in her meetings. I guess as you say though I've got to try and start trusting adult services but in my eyes she's still my little girl. Thanks for the help again.

dmg24

I can understand your feelings, I imagine that many carers of adults with MH conditions feel that way.

In the event of a crisis you would be able to contact the Crisis Team for help, anybody is able to make the initial contact. If ever there was a problem in this respect (and I doubt there would be), you could call 999 or take your daughter to A&E and you would then be put in touch with the on call psych staff.

lellie

dmg24 is right. If she needs help and isn't seeking it herself you've always got the option of taking her to A&E or contacting the crisis team.

As for the memory loss thing - I know how she feels. I had ECT earlier this year and my memory has been badly affected. I find making notes and taking them with me to my psych helpful. You could get her to sit down with you and make notes together before she goes or even write some yourself and ask her to take them. The ball is in her court then - she doesn't have to share them if she doesn't want to, but can if she thinks it will help.

Good luck anyway xx You'll work something out as you go along.

starnight_2

As dmg and lellie pointed out, if there was a crisis, you can contact her team. They just can't break confidentiality by discussing anything private with you. Discuss it with your daughter, I know my team were concerned as I am single, and mother wants to be totally involved whereby she can make decisions I am unable to, such as call the team and tell them whats going on, then they can talk to her about options, obviously while I am there, but my mother is there for support. I have given permission for my team to talk to my mother before, and in the event of a crisis, I have a list on the back of a cupboard door of steps to take, one of which is for my mother or sister to contact the team and be their point of contact, as at that point I won't be able to. Also I have had my mother in the psychiatrists office with me and given them permission for what they can and cant mention, also with my nurse. I should mention I'm 27, so it is possible to still work with your daughters team, it will just be in a different capacity.