Help with my husband

Rankamateur

Hi, I hope someone can give me some advice. I have lately found out that my husband has "a lot" - his words - of debt (he won't say how much). I had suspected it for a good while. We have a joint account for some things and he always pays his share into that though. I have asked him to get his debts cleared and he says he will but I know he's not doing anything at all about it. I won't go through his things to find out what he owes and to whom, but it is giving me sleepless nights not knowing where we sit financially. Is there any way I can persuade him to get his finances sorted without becoming a nag or sneaking through his bills and doing it for him?

JoJoB

The only way is to approach him really calmly (so he doesn't get on the defensive) and say that this is something which really needs to be out in the open so that it can be dealt with properly. Try and keep your emotions in check initially (let him have both barrels later if you need to vent ), because he is obviously feeling guilty about the extent of his debts and so wants to hide as much as possible from you (probably so as not to worry you).

A marriage is a parnership, and while some people prefer to keep their finances separate in reality his debts are going to impact upon your own finances and you won't be able to make plans for the future without knowing what the full situation is. This is what needs to be explained to him. Even if he says "I'll sort it" it is still important for you to know exactly how much needs to be sorted - otherwise how are you to plan anything like children, holidays etc?

Good luck anyway, it can be like getting blood out of a stone when someone is embarrassed and feeling guilty about this sort of stuff.

RAS

Hi

Since you have joint accounts, any late payments etc will affect YOUR credit rating, so he needs to tell you if there is a problem and you need to remove him from the joint accounts if there is.

Do the same regarding any joint billing accounts.

Rankamateur

Oh my, I had no idea. I feel quite sick.

GeorgeUK

You could tell him about the snowball calculator which is quite good as a motivator.

It shows you how long it will take to pay off your debts but also show how much interest you will be paying over that period. That can usually be quite a chunk of money and you can tell him you also saw some things that may allow him to reduce the amount of interest. Perhaps give him a few crumbs to get him interested to start with.
http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

getmore4less

RAS wrote: »

Hi

Since you have joint accounts, any late payments etc will affect YOUR credit rating, so he needs to tell you if there is a problem and you need to remove him from the joint accounts if there is.

Do the same regarding any joint billing accounts.

If there is a joint mortgage account full financial seperation will not be easy.

Get your credit files £2 each they might show you some of the debts.

Jesthar

Or get paid to get your credit files with a free trial via a cashback site...

Rankamateur

It is a joint mortgage Sorry to be so ignorant, but will my credit file show his debts too?

LeeSouthEast

Take my word for it - not being honest in your finances is one sure-fire way of a relationship imploding.

Oldernotwiser

Sorry, you really need to find out what he means by "a lot" even if it means having to poke around through his papers as he won't tell you. If you don't you'll have no idea whether he's talking about a few hundred or many, many thousands.

Rankamateur

OK, thank you - and JoJoB I will take your advice. We are going camping this weekend, and it is my birthday on Monday so after that I will have a calm discussion _pale_ and try to get him to see it as a joint problem to be solved. And thank you LeeSouthEast too, I hope we can get past this. I am dreading finding out, but I guess that is the start of sorting it out ...