How do you deal with difficult teachers?

flippin36

Hello, feeling rather worried and upset this morning and wondered if someone could give me some advice.

My children go to a wonderful school which provides children with a very high standard of education. For six years I have been really happy with all the staff and everything they do. I never complain and am quick to let them know how much I appreciate all they do.

However....I am finding my sons new teacher very, very difficult to talk to. He has learning difficulties and she just doesn't seem to understand the nature of his autism. I have to take him to his classroom each morning only to be confronted about the most petty of things, which teachers in the past were totally understanding of. Its not just the things she's "telling me off" for but the way she speaks to me, her tone of voice and how she has belittled me in front of the children. I've never experienced this kind of attitude before from teacher they have always been so supportive.

Talking to some other parents it seems that she has a reputation for getting into arguments with both parents and staff. (But I just hate confrontation :embarasse) I have to attend a lot of meetings regarding his education and I'm just dreading the whole year because she is so unapproachable.

I have thought about having a word with another teacher or the head but I wondered whether that would make the situation worse. I don't want to be a difficult parent either. Not sure what to do. Could have cried this morning.

How would you deal with it?

Gingham_Ribbon

To be honest, I'd nip it in the bud. I'd start with her though, rather than going to someone else. Next time she does it she's unlikely to take you by surprise, so you can have your answer ready. Something along the lines of how you want to work with her and if she isn't sure about autism you'd be happy to tell her more about how it affects this particular child, how you know you'll probably be speaking to her a lot over the next year and hope that she will refrain from belittling you while doing so etc.

It's hard. I know. I had a disagreement with a member of staff at my son's school that involved me bursting into tears and asking her why she was so negative.:o We got on like a house on fire after that, and still do!

It's wonderful that he's got through school with supportive teachers up until now, so that's something to build on if you have to take it further. Hopefully the head will listen to you since it's obviously not you being unreasonable!

jenhug

Take me with you! My daughter is High functioning ASD and we had a teacher like this. I tell you now, in the nicest way, where your child is concerned you need to "grow a pair" My mother in law started to refer to me as a lioness with her cubs, In truth this B*tch of a teacher nearly killed me emotionally but I would never allow anyone to belittle me in front of my children.

You can get someone like Pals to come with your for meetings for back up, but whenever you need to deal with this teacher, do it in writing, and copy the senco and head in too. If it escalates, copy in the governors.

serbask

A friend of mine had similar difficulties with her son who has ADHD and dispraxia. Every year she had to explain to the new teacher what is difficulties were and how to deal with them. Some years the teacher would be responsive and other years they would uninterested or even obstructive. She decided last week that enough was enough and met with the head teacher to try and organise a long term solution. At this point he wasn't even on an action Plan. As a result the head has taken control of the situation and, in future, will be the one who will debrief teachers on the child's situation and learning needs.

You could possibly arrange a meeting with the head and the new teacher together. This way the teacher will be involved but cannot be rude in front of her boss. Having the head involved will also provide a continuous plan.

TotallyBroke

Another tip is to not accuse. So don't say "you belittle me when we talk" as that will automatically bring up barriers. When talking to her speak in a calm manner tell her "I feel as though you are belittling me when we talk". You can then point out that to stop you feeling that way you would like to be spoken in a different manner. Always give examples aswell as to when the conversation could have been said differently.

mrcow

I would ask her outright. Smile and ask:

"Did you mean that to sound so aggressive/rude/belittling (delete as appropriate), as that how it's coming across?"

It shuts bullies up each and every time.

Nip it in the bud. You are an adult - she shouldn't be speaking to you like you're some sort of kid.

Bufger

Do it in the nicest possible way but be firm too. Its best not to go over someones head without them even being aware of the problem (so they wouldnt even have a chance to change their behaviour - which is unfair).

Also remember that you are one parent out of 30. Chances are some of the parents are horrible or too needy and the teacher has just hardened up because of this. Let her know that you wont interfere in the hard work she does but you would want her to be aware of any particular and reasonable needs your child has. Alot of parents try it on and she may think you're just another one of them.

They do a hard job imo. Most parents think they can do just as good a job but i invite them to have a go! Im an engineer and there is no way i have what it takes to deal with 30 kids all day and then their parents first and last thing. no way..

l4ne2008

My son had a teacher like this a couple of years ago. I'm not convinced that she believed in conditions like autism, and had my son marked as a naughty child. She very nearly had me in tears after one school meeting. After that I decided to get tough & acted more assertively in my dealings with her. It seemed to do the trick. My advice is learn to stick up for yourself without being argumentitive. If you find this hard to do take a friend or family member with you for moral support. Best of luck;)

pollypenny

Good advice from Gingham and Bugfer. I would ask for a meeting with the teacher first. She probably doesn't understand the nature of his autism and may, indeed, think that now the class is Y6 (?) they need to be 'big boys'. This may fuel a brisk attitude which is not intended to belittle.

It is unsettling and disruptive when parents go in a the beginning of the day, so again she will appear brisk and need to get started.

Try to establish a relationship with her first. Only if that does not work, go down the formal route.

lolababy

Hi why not ask the head if you can arrange for a expert on autism to come in and give a lecture . Im sure there are specialists who would do this.

flippin36

lolababy wrote: »

Hi why not ask the head if you can arrange for a expert on autism to come in and give a lecture . Im sure there are specialists who would do this.

Hi lolababy, yes this has been in place since he started school and has been absoloutely fantastic! I don't think it has started yet with it being the begining of term. It should be interesting because the lady that comes to see him is very, very assertive (to a point that she does annoy people with her abruptness). I really like her because she really knows what she's talking about and understands the difficulties, I quite like that she doesn't take no for an answer. So I think there may be a bit of a clash with said teacher when she visits :eek:.