Parent of teenager with mental health problems - support group

Bethankim

Hi all,

wasnt sure where else to put this so hope you dont mind
Despite my own recent mental health problems - i have been dealing with my 15 year old's severe depression, self harming, risk taking behavior and in the end almost psychotic episode at the end of May.

We saw our GP a year ago and got told there is a long waiting list go away..sadly i was still in the middle of my own crisis after a car accident so didnt push it. although i did manage to get him into see the school councellor

fast forward to this year and since Christmas he has gone down hill, he virtually didnt attend school for the whole of year 10, and the time between him being okish and being off the wall got shorter and shorter. thankfully a different GP took us seriously and he is now on medication and getting a good amount of support.

as for me, well I guess being his mum im supposed to just get on with it. I spent months looking for a support group anything to share how hard it is being a parent of a teenager anyway and the added mental health issues make it soo much harder. and could i find anything nope.

If he was an adult then i could get some support via carers assessment but not for under 18's,if he was a drug addict, criminal, alcohol abuser then yes there are services.

so sorry fir long post, i got so cross when even the carers federation said nope nothing your on your own - but do come to our generic support group..i declined whilst thinking yea so how would someone caring for an adult understand the feeling of

Oh its midnight and he has gone off on one and now awol again and turned his phone off, or the dreaded words mum i dont feel safe tonight, with the talking him down and hoping he doesnt take a blade to himself again..

anyway im a resourceful woman, and with a fair bit of knowledge about support groups I have today been in touch with self help nottingham to form a support group for parents and carers of teenagers with mental health issues. cause there is nothing out there in my area in fact im not even sure there is much nationally.

I just want some support - some ideas, to talk to someone else who can nod and understand. but also to see if i can get a group together to challenge the services, schools, health professionals etc to recognise that by the time we get to anything like treatment many parents have gone around and around (like lots of carers) to the point of screaming in the void.

or am i the only one who has experienced this..sometimes i feel like it, cause essentially my son has not been in trouble,not caused problems so its easy to ignore him..

ok waffle over, if anyone has any ideas or experiences of how i can make school do what they should be doing etc then i would be grateful..and if there is any parent or carer of a teenager with mental health problems then say hi

thanks for reading if you have got this far

seven-day-weekend

Not in that position, I'm afraid, but didn't want to read and run; how awful for him and you, what a worry it must be for you. I hope and pray that you find the support you need. xx

munchings-n-crunchings

Hello there!

It look like we're part of the same club.

My son had a mental break down at the start of his mock exams, about 5 years ago.
Not that the exams were the trigger, just the straw that broke the camels back.

He had a late diagnosis of high functioning autism, and this came as a shock to him. To be, it just explained everything I previously couldn't put my finger on.
But by this time, he was already labelled 'disobedient, uncommunicative, rude, lazy', and to finally have a reason didn't change the school opinion.

Things became so bad, when ever I left the house, I loaded the car boot with kitchen knives, cutlery and the medicine drawer.
At 15, he was staying away from home, I never knew where he was, who he was with or when he would be home, and yes, mobile phones are easily switched off.
I would get phone calls as and when he wanted to be collected, he would not have a clue where he was, and I would be expected to find him. At 2 and 3 in the morning, it's not fun, and the advice I was given was just to leave him. I couldn't do that.
As things deteriorated, he became in trouble with the police.

I felt so embarrassed and humiliated by the circumstances I found my self in. It's not the way I was raised, and it was not the way I had raised my son. I didn't want anyone to know about what was happening.
I also had a younger child to think about.

I don't know what the turning point was. We had had a prolonged period of breaking any glass, and cutting himself, which ended in an overdose.
There was no help from professional bodies, regardless of where I asked.I tried social services, and the local mental health services, but I was turned away.

Connexions were fantastic.
They initially help get my son a placement on an E2E scheme (Entry 2 Employment) until he was legally old enough to leave school.
He was then went to college, which was a disaster. We then a scheme for young people, that was referred to a roll on, roll off course. You could start and finish at any time. It was mostly young teenage lads, and the main tutor was a firm but fair chap, and all the lads seem to respect him. The course offered taster sessions in the construction and DIY industry, from where the lads could then opt for a full time course in a specific trade. This was where I finally found a person that understood, that I was still fighting for my son.

I have now had 1 good year. Every day is a small step.
I don't take anything for granted, as the mental health problems are still there, but just not being triggered.
You will need to find what works for you.

If you want to pm me, feel free to do so.
I'm also in Notts, so familiar with some things available here,

Regards
Munchie

chloecat_2

I sympathise Bethankim, 19 year old sister very similar since age of 13.

Since she turned 18 the tiny bit of help my mum got for her has dried up. Horrible experience. You're not alone by a long way

Bethankim

Hi Munchie,

thank you for sharing - i guess i one way i was lucky that the GP took us seriously, although would have been hard to ignore a 6' 2" teenager jittering and pacing like a caged animal in her consulting room, either not speaking or speaking so fast he made no sense...

I can only imagine there are lots of parents like us that are going round and round - banging head against brick walls.

My son has never been in trouble, at school or otherwise and because he masked his problems behind charming and articulate he fooled most people. His school have been pretty lame, the pastoral care woman (ooohh i have some things to say to her) said she knew nothing about any problems to his pschiatrist - when his head of year used to lend him long sleeve tops to hide the cuts and give hima note to not remove it...

He came home yesterday after being in school all day - with 2 hours free because we have removed him from 2 GCSE's and all they did was give him a book and left him in an empty classroom - i dread thursday when the whole day is clear...

:mad::mad::mad: - I have lots ot say at the multi agency meeting and the terrible ofstead report slating the apstoral care is at the top of my list..

sorry to waffle, guess ive been holding this all in, tnak goodness Munchie you found the one person to help..makes me so cross its a lottery

I will Pm you id love to know what you found, I have worked in the charity field for years and thought i was fairly clued up..until this - my one aim for any group that gets set up is to get info in one place to help other parents. Oh and to kick a few services very very hard...

starnight_2

Just to let you know you're not alone. Although I am not in your position, my mother was. I started having problems at 14, including self-harm. I know my mother found it hard and no one would listen to her, so in the end it took years to get me the help I needed. I think what you are doing is wonderful, as not only will this give support to other parents, but you could also hopefully help them understand their children better and how to help them better. I know one thing I always struggled with was talking to an adlt as 'they wouldn't undertsand' or tell me 'to grow/wise up', and sometimes adults do take the wrong approach because they are confused/frightened/unsure. If you get your support group up and running this is a good step forward to helping not only carers but the children themselves.

Good Luck

Savvy_Sue

munchings-n-crunchings wrote: »

I didn't want anyone to know about what was happening.
I also had a younger child to think about.

Can I just say that while this is an entirely understandable reaction (and would probably be mine!) it seems to be the case that where there ARE serious problems it is better to be open about them, for the sake of the younger children as much as for the sufferer and the parents.

I am so sorry to hear of everyone's struggles, and hope that you are able to improve things.

Krissy306

theres no hel panywhere my parents have searched everywhere to get hel pfor me and the help off the nhs is aweful inless you can afford to go private your in a mess