Living in another country how do i leave my husband

fluffysocks_2

i gave up my job to live in another country when my husband got a secondment here, after 18months its all gone wrong and i need to leave and get back to the uk, but i just dont no how to go about it, i have no money as i dont work, our house in the uk is being rented by my step daughter and her baby, my husband at the moment is paying my credit card bills, he says if i go back i'm not living in the house, and my stepdaughter will do what her dad says, he will probably refuse to pay my bills as well. my children are grown up and live abroad. I feel so unhappy desperate and alone.

BitterAndTwisted

Is there any help or financial support you can call on from friends or family here in the UK? Perhaps someone could contact the CAB on your behalf to check what help or state benefits you might be entitled to on your arrival back in the UK. All you're really going to need in the immediate future is a roof over your head so do you know anyone who could offer you space on a sofa and a couple of meals day for a few weeks?

If you have a credit card use I'd use it to pay for an airline ticket and get yourself back here pronto. Before you do that contact your children and tell them what you are about to do and ask them for any support or financial help they can spare.

If your step-daughter is living in your marital home it' might not be easy to reclaim it from her and that is a worry and I don't know what, if any, steps you might be able to take to get her and her family to move on but you have every right to stay there yourself while she is living there, regardless of what your husband thinks. The breakdown of your marriage is unfortunate in the extreme but not your step-daughter's fault but once you're back here you should be able to get some decent advice.

Savvy_Sue

If you know where you would come back to, it would be worth looking on that local council's website and seeing what housing associations there are, you might not have to wait for too long to find somewhere, it's just getting through the initial period.

Would you find it easy to get work once you were back? Are there any options for applying for residential type work initially?

System

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

you have every right to stay there yourself while she is living there, regardless of what your husband thinks..

Not if it is a proper, legal rental agreement!

BitterAndTwisted

True, but I thought it incredibly unlikely that a father and daughter would feel the need to do such a thing. Not that the OP would feel that she could or wanted to go back and live in the matrimonial home while her step-daughter and child were living there. OP must still have a key, so in extremis there would be a roof over her head for the first night or two, no matter how unfavourable the circumstances.

fluffysocks_2

Thanks for all your comment, my stepdaughter rents the house on a unofficial basis on the cheap so we could leave some off our stuff there, i think she'd let me stay, temp unless her dad really got to her he thinks because he pays the mortgage he has a right!, but i dont want to intrude on her life and it may have an effect on her council tax, my parents live nearby but only have a 1 bedroom bungalow, i dont think i could go to the council as homeless as i have a house, i would need to find a job before i can think of renting, and with the currant job situation it will be difficult. The other thing is i have nothing all my things will be here apart from what i can fit in a suitcase.
Does anyone know the legal side of things, would he be made to sell the house? Because i gave up my job to move with him, should he pay my credit card bills these were from things bought together. and should he pay me something to live on?

Fire_Fox

Do you have children with your husband? You should be able to claim Jobseekers Allowance at the very least which is £60 a week. Do you have any friends here in the UK who could put you up for a week each? In general debts in one person's name remain as that person's debt, so I'd be inclined not to spend any more on your credit card (tell him you lost it?) and let your husband pay off as much as possible. If the house is in joint names you have a claim on half the house, so I'd accept the first free session with a solicitor specialising in divorce the minute you return. Often solicitors will agree to take the money for their services from your settlement. I don't have any children and it took a couple of years to get any money out of my ex-husband even tho it was fairly amicable. I would not rely on him for your day-to-day income.

Savvy_Sue

It might be worth you looking around on the local council's website to see what their position is: you usually have to have a 'local connection' to the area you apply to, and you do because you used to live there and your parents live there. You have a house (or half a house), but you can't live in it because of the breakdown of your relationship - that changes your eligibility for social housing. However you're probably not 'vulnerable' so you'd be expected to rent privately rather than the authority having a duty to house you. But there are sometimes rent deposit schemes for helping you find a deposit.

Is there any violence? If there is, just get the next plane out and go to your parents. If there's no physical violence, just a grinding down of your self-confidence, you need to judge how far you let that go on before you get out.

Another good place for advice on all things housing is Shelter.

Another possibility for places to stay is YWCA or other local hostels like that. There are benefits you'll be able to claim, it won't be easy, but it can be done!

fluffysocks_2

There are no children involved. He isnt violent its more a mental thing.
I dont think i will be able to claim job seekers as i gave up my last job, and havent been living in the countryf or 18 months so probably not entitled to any benefits either.
Its how i can get my things back, some is just material, but its the personnel things. He is over here in a nice rented house, good wage and all our stuff.

Savvy_Sue

The situation has changed since you voluntarily gave up your job however, so that shouldn't affect your JSA claim on your return to the UK. The NI contributions are what's more likely to scupper it: why not post that question on the Employment board, which years 'matter' in terms of JSA contributions for a claim, and can you claim on return to the UK? Plus even if you can't get it contributions based, I think you can still get it income based.

As for your personal stuff, some of it could be posted back, maybe? But you may need to work out what matters most and concentrate on that.