Brother help..

rachiee

Dont normally air my dirty laundry but here goes! :rolleyes:

Basically i need help with my brother he is 21, but acts as if he is 15. I lost my dad to Cancer 2 years ago tomorrow and when my dad was ill and going through cheemotheraphy he took of in his car and basically did a runner, baring in mind im younger at the time i was 17 but i coped and he couldnt, he did a runner with another lad the same age in his car and they disapeared for weeks and weeks, we phoned the police several times but they had no look searching for them, 4 weeks later the police phoned and said he had been arrested because a pizza shop window had been smashed in and he was the culpret. Anyway we got told that but they let him out on bale and he didnt come home, again a weeks later he got arrested with the lad he was with they were getting charged with burgalry of 2 brand new range rovers and then setting fire to them in a forest, they had broke into the persons house to get the keys, again released on bale, then another phone call he had been arrested for breaking into caravans in a park and taking gas cylinders and things out the cupboards... now 2 years on hes 21 and hes still acting up, my mothers been to the police station time and time again with bruises all over her because hes gone at her, i have been beaten up a few times and he jumped my other half a month ago for no apparent reason which is going to court in 2 weeks, he denied battery and told the police he tripped up the step.. He lost his driving license for all kinds of things, speeding, driving without a seatbelt a few occasions, driving with no tax or insurance etc but it was out of our hands as he used to run off and not been seen for ages. He took his test again and bought a bog standard corsa, my mum thought he was on the track forward and he was going to use his car to get a job (we live in the middle of no where) to pay of his thousands of pounds of debt he has built up that he thinks he doesnt have to pay off btw. He then went on to cut the springs on the corsas suspension which made it handle like a trolley with a wonky wheel, he was wanted by the police for something we dont know about as hes a adult now and they dont tell my mum, and they chased him and he smashed it into a fence and wrote it off. Again in the police station and they let him out on bail.. We just dont know when its going to end, he seems to be on the road to nowere and its killing my mum watching him do this, she gets married in 3 weeks (to a friend who lost his wife to cancer the same time as my mam lost my dad ) and hes decided he hates just about everyone whos going to the wedding, so shes horrified! Its not as if he can say its because his dad was poorly and he died, because he acted up way before this but not as extreme! He always wishes everyone dead who doesnt do as he wants and he has kicked my car twice and its had to go into the bodyshop to get sorted :mad:

Does anyone know of anybody or anywere we can go for help? The police are useless and dont point us in the directions we need to go, we dont think hes taking drugs as everytime hes been searched by the police (several) hes never been found with anything and they searched his room and the car several times aswell and never found anything! Any help is appreciated!! We are demented! :think:

BitterAndTwisted

It's tough love time: he's made his own bed and it's time he learned to lie in it. As much as it would hurt to do it, I think he needs to be told in words of one syllable that no-one will take over and sort his problems out for him now and he won't be welcome in any of your homes until he's learned to live in the adult world with the rest of us.

Easy to say and hard to do, I know

rachiee

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

It's tough love time: he's made his own bed and it's time he learned to lie in it. As much as it would hurt to do it, I think he needs to be told in words of one syllable that no-one will take over and sort his problems out for him now and he won't be welcome in any of your homes until he's learned to live in the adult world with the rest of us.

Easy to say and hard to do, I know

We have kicked him out, hes been out 10 weeks but he just hangs about the yard and if we leave the door unlocked he pinches food out the fridge even though my mam gives him his breakfast, dinner and tea. Silly i know but she wont cos he lost about 2 stone and she thinks hes wasting away :mad:

BitterAndTwisted

Why is your Mam still feeding a grown adult? In her place I'd kick him to the curb. It's sink or swim-time, Rachiee or he'll never sort himself out, and if he doesn't, there's only one place he will be going and that's prison. Then at least your family will get some respite from his antics.

rachiee

I know i agree but she always says bloods thicker than water which is true but not in this situation, she knows everything he does is wrong but feels stuck in the middle as me and her partner try and make him to stay him out but he comes the feel sorry for me line and she doesnt know what to do

Bufger

i would kick him out too. make sure he cant get back in. Tell him the only way he will get the support and help he needs is if he shows he can do it. Tell him whilst hes acting like a teenager he wont get any help and he's likely to end up homeless.

This is the end of the road for him and he has to realise that. Pretty soon it sounds like he'll be in jail or will have killed somebody. He needs to learn the hard way it seems.

BitterAndTwisted

I think the best thing you can do for your own sanity is to take a step back and let your mother and brother just get on with it on their own. In this situation you just cannot win, and let's face it: you're not his parent, that's your mother's job.

rachiee

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I think the best thing you can do for your own sanity is to take a step back and let your mother and brother just get on with it on their own. In this situation you just cannot win, and let's face it: you're not his parent, that's your mother's job.

yeah a few people have said this but i'm seeing it from a different view than her aswell and it makes me so angry, ive had to screw down all the window catches to stop him climbing through them :mad: