Am i a horrible person?

joolesw1972

I think if you & your oh decide that it's what the both of you want to do - then you should go ahead, sit down & talk to your partners family and explain your reasons - unless they are made of stone, they should understand. If it was me, I'd try to make sure it was a few months apart (when are they getting married?) so that they still have space to enjoy their build up. Finance depending you could get married this year - there are people on here that have organised theirs in 6-8 weeks. If you need pointers & ideas I'm sure posters on here will help. It breaks my heart that my grandparents won't share our day - I couldn't immagine my Mum not being there.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

Tigerlilley1980

Hi there, I really think you should just go fr it. The other people might be upset for a bit, but who cares, I think your Mum seeing you get married is much more important.

I think if you explain to them why you are doing it they will understand! And if not, tough.

Good luck, Tiger xxx

chelbel1981

xJayJayx wrote: »

Hun i feel for you but if you want to get married so your mum can see you get married then go for it.
It shouldn't matter what anyone thinks. If they get angry or annoyed then it shows what kind of person they are knowing your mum is ill. Go to a holiday inn for £999 nice and cosy and cheap(!) and do what you want.

Or how about The Brittannia Hotel group
Their offer is better in my opinion

scotsman4th wrote: »

House more important, career girl, saving for a deposit, new id on here to hide her own, pretend engagement with no ring 1 month after meeting.
They've had 5 years to "name the day" but didnt.
Not harsh, realistic.

I've been with H2B for nearly 12 years, engaged 5 and a half and we've not long set our date
Do you want to shoot us too!

coolcait wrote: »

I think you've had a lot of good, sensitive, and caring advice on this thread, and I hope it helps you find a way forward.

I would ask you one question: do you want to get married, or do you want to have a wedding?

It's very easy to get the two confused - and there can be a fair bit of overlap between them.

My view is that 'getting married' is about two people who love each other declaring that fact, in the presence of all the people they care about, and in the presence of someone who is empowered to make it all legal!

'Having a wedding' can (should!) be about all of the above, but also involves 'all the trimmings'.

I can appreciate how difficult things are for you just now emotionally, and maybe this kind of rational approach isn't what you need or want. But, maybe if you can look at what you really want yourself, it will help you sort out how you can deal with it all.

You sound just like my matron of honour :T

Kavanne

I sort of think my cousin did this. We decided during 2007 to get married Dec 2008, a few months later my cousin announced they were getting married in summer 2008. As things have it, we didn't get married (we too bought a house instead) and I am not sure if our engagement affected her but I think it did.

Obviously never said anything but our wedding would have been better

Dinah93

If your mother is genuinely ill then sit down with your partners brother and his fiancee and explain the situation. Give them a few weeks of being in the spotlight first though. Make yours a low key affair but soon so your mother can celebrate with you, and theirs can be the big fancy do and they won't feel like you stole their thunder.

fifitrix123

Haven't managed to read all replies but don't know if anyone has suggested having a holiday with close family and friends and getting married abroad?
That would be such a lovely way to spend it with loved ones and have some happy memories too.
Find a late deal which will be cheaper and then email the hotel about a wedding co ordinator? Most of them do it now.

I got married in Jamaica and never forget the memories!

Good luck whatever you do x

Horace

Dinah93 wrote: »

If your mother is genuinely ill then sit down with your partners brother and his fiancee and explain the situation. Give them a few weeks of being in the spotlight first though. Make yours a low key affair but soon so your mother can celebrate with you, and theirs can be the big fancy do and they won't feel like you stole their thunder.

You took the words right out of my mouth Dinah - I was going to say the same thing.