Not sure about father

mickfox01

I'm not really too sure why it has taken her so long to get in touch tbh. I still live in the same town and everything. Well I will have to see what comes of it when the csa get involved.

It needs sorting out one way or the other. Thanks to everyone who as given advice, it has made me feel a lot more prepared for what is coming.
Cheers

mitchaa

Have a look at the child, you will know instantly if its yours or not.

juliescot

mitchaa wrote: »

Have a look at the child, you will know instantly if its yours or not.

Yeah that always seems to work - wonder why anyone bothers with that DNA nonsense after all..............:rolleyes:

Dancing_Shoes

RosyP wrote: »

I used to work in Benefit Fraud and had a conversation about this with a CSA Officer a few years back. If she has been on benefit so far, many people are unaware that they would receive a portion of the maintenance on top of their benefits so they claim that they do not know who the father is. When they start working and it gets to the point that they can keep the lot they suddenly have a few names for the CSA.

This is purely conjecture and it could also be that she has a recent drop in income or lost her job due to the recession, or maybe she has had a partner supporting her who has now gone and has no responsibility toward the child.

Whatever the reason I hope things work out well for the child in question.

It seems very off that irrespective of money if you thought someone was the father of your child you would only contact them 4 years down the line and at the same time (funny coincidence:rolleyes:) you contact the csa....
If she was concerned for her child knowing their father etc she should have been in contact a long time ago!
From both sides of the fence the child must ALWAYS come first, then the money to support them.
If the child is yours I am sure you will want to have an involvement in their life (aside from monetry). I just hope they haven't been told x is your daddy then had that ripped away from them like some of the other children in previous threads, those people can't call themselves mothers:mad:

Have you spoken to her about the possibility of coming to a private agreement if the child in question is yours? that way neither of you would need to sort the money via the csa

gordikin

mitchaa wrote: »

Have a look at the child, you will know instantly if its yours or not.

Yeh, that'll work...also tell the CSA it looks nothing like you and they will leave you alone!

Blonde_Bint

:rotfl::rotfl: when I was out shopping alone with my step son, people talking to him in the street would sometimes say 'dont you look like your mummy' I didnt say anything I didnt like to and it didnt matter anyway and step son used to say yes I do dont I, lol, thinking they must know his mum, he was only about 2 or 3 at the time lol.

Theres no way you can tell just by looking at them, sometimes people who are in no way related can have similar features and colouring by simple coincidence.

just look and you'll know :rotfl:

DUTR

mickfox01 wrote: »

Hi all,
I am posting because i am desperate for some advice around a situation i have found myself in. Any comment and help would be greatly appreciated.

A few weeks ago, a girl i had a one night stand with got in touch with me saying she had fell pregnant at the time we were together, and she thinks the child may be mine. This was around 4 years ago now. The girl also told me that she had slept with someone else around that time but when she was pregnant she was told the date of conception was on or around the time we were together.

The girl has got in touch with me and said that we could maybe sort something out between us as in maintenance but i'm very reluctant to do this due to the uncertainty of the situation.

So what i'm after is just some advice on the proving of the parent, and how the system works? The girl has said she has passed my details (just my name) to the CSA so what happens next??

Thanks for your help

Expect the worse , hope for the best, as others have said don't pay anything until it is finalised, however in the meantime allow for 15% net of your salary just in case, when the brown envelope arrives there is a section where you can see you do not meet thre criteria of assumed paternity, they will invite you to get a DNA sample to cellmark at your cost, they will decide if you are the daddy! Good luck (meant both ways as some don't have the luxury of mother nature).

mickfox01

I have thought about the option of working something out between us but i will explore that option more once i know one way or the other.

It has certainly knocked me for 6 this news and i'm finding it really difficult to think about much else at the moment. I keep telling myself there is nothing i can do now but it isn't really helping.

It's a strange feeling knowing i may have a daughter wandering about.

DUTR

mickfox01 wrote: »

I have thought about the option of working something out between us but i will explore that option more once i know one way or the other.

It has certainly knocked me for 6 this news and i'm finding it really difficult to think about much else at the moment. I keep telling myself there is nothing i can do now but it isn't really helping.

It's a strange feeling knowing i may have a daughter wandering about.

Paying via the CSA is not so bad as long as you don't let arrears creep up on you, yes it is a stressful time. You are correct there is little you can do about it, just be 100% sure before you part with any hard earned cash, you never know you may enjoy the concept of having a daughter :eek:

DUTR

juliescot wrote: »

Yeah that always seems to work - wonder why anyone bothers with that DNA nonsense after all..............:rolleyes:

Because sometimes unfortunately for some folk the results conclude that they are not the other party of responsibilty .