Not sure about father

mickfox01

Hi all,
I am posting because i am desperate for some advice around a situation i have found myself in. Any comment and help would be greatly appreciated.

A few weeks ago, a girl i had a one night stand with got in touch with me saying she had fell pregnant at the time we were together, and she thinks the child may be mine. This was around 4 years ago now. The girl also told me that she had slept with someone else around that time but when she was pregnant she was told the date of conception was on or around the time we were together.

The girl has got in touch with me and said that we could maybe sort something out between us as in maintenance but i'm very reluctant to do this due to the uncertainty of the situation.

So what i'm after is just some advice on the proving of the parent, and how the system works? The girl has said she has passed my details (just my name) to the CSA so what happens next??

Thanks for your help

foxy-roxy

you are basically wanting a DNA test? Has the girl said she would be willing to allow this? Are you in contact with the child?
Dates of conception from the doctor are usually from the first day of your last period, which obviously would not be the actual date, prob 2 weeks later, halfway through the cycle etc etc, but if she was sleeping with someone else then the only way to be certain is a DNA test.

RosyP

From a quick web search it seems that the onus is on the CSA to prove you are the father if you have disputed that the child is yours:

http://www.bailiffadviceonline.co.uk/csa_disputing.htm

Given the length of time involved I would suggest that you do establish parentage before agreeing to any maintenance arrangements, but if the child is yours you should be making payments.

whitewing

I definitely agree that you should not pay a penny until a DNA test confirms you are the father. For all you know, the other potential father could also be paying private maintenance too!

shell_542

When the CSA contact you, you need to advise them that you are disputing paternity as the Parent With Contact has told you that she is unsure whether you are the father or not.

The CSA will then organise a DNA test, through a company called Cellmark. You will have to go to a Doctor or a hospital to get a swab of your mouth done. (The details of who can perform the swab are included in the information from Cellmark) The mother will also have to give a sample as well as the child. Then some weeks after you will receive the results of the DNA test.

If you are confirmed as the father, you will be liable for the costs of the DNA test and will then have to start paying child support. It will be backdated to when the CSA contact you so might be advisable to put some money away every month until you have the results to cover any arrears which may add up whilst the test is being done.

If the DNA results show you are not the father, the CSA cover the costs of the test and the PWC can then contact the other person she thinks might be the father.

Hope that helps.

kinksfan

if you are the father then it is time to look on the bright side there is nothing in the world like the feeling of being a father to a child. If you do keep in touch and you should and provide support which you should then you will not regret it.

mickfox01

Thanks for all the comments from everyone really appreciate the help. I am definatly going to challenge the parentage, not to be awkward but just so I know one way or the other. The comment about the conception date is interesting as this was the main argument by her about me being the father. If I am the father then i will pay maintainance costs of course.

Just another quick question, how long does the whole process take on average?
Thanks

Dancing_Shoes

Out of interest why has it taken her so long to get in contact with you? Have you been difficult to trace?

shell_542

My husband had a test done through Cellmark privately. Similar situation to you. One night stand and the woman said "I don't know who the father is, might be you or my fiance" :rolleyes:

He had his test done in September and the results were through by the end of October. We decided to go private because at the time a friend who worked for CSA told us that waiting for a test through the CSA can take months. This was back in 2007 though.

monicaj

mickfox01 wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments from everyone really appreciate the help. I am definatly going to challenge the parentage, not to be awkward but just so I know one way or the other. The comment about the conception date is interesting as this was the main argument by her about me being the father. If I am the father then i will pay maintainance costs of course.

Just another quick question, how long does the whole process take on average?
Thanks

We went through this very recently (May 2009). PWC agreed to a private test, but took a few weeks to get her act together to get her and child's swabs taken. We had the results from Cellmark within 5 working days of them receiving all the samples.

I admire your stance on determining parentage, both for your and the child's sake, however, please take the advice given on here by putting some money into "reserve". My husband's ex wife deceived her son and my husband for 10 years, in view of the negative result, I cannot begin to describe the devastation this has caused us, nor even imagine what my husband's "son" is going through.

Keep strong, I wish you everything you wish yourself at this very difficult time.

MonicaJ

RosyP

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

Out of interest why has it taken her so long to get in contact with you? Have you been difficult to trace?

I used to work in Benefit Fraud and had a conversation about this with a CSA Officer a few years back. If she has been on benefit so far, many people are unaware that they would receive a portion of the maintenance on top of their benefits so they claim that they do not know who the father is. When they start working and it gets to the point that they can keep the lot they suddenly have a few names for the CSA.

This is purely conjecture and it could also be that she has a recent drop in income or lost her job due to the recession, or maybe she has had a partner supporting her who has now gone and has no responsibility toward the child.

Whatever the reason I hope things work out well for the child in question.