Just looking for a little guidance...........

cleomolly

Ok, so trying not to be a Bridezilla, I’m feeling a little upset and delicate at the moment. In brief my mum and dad split when I was young, I no-longer see my mum and my dad lives with his partner. I get on with her relatively well and get on with her daughter great, she’s like a real sister. So me and dads OH don’t always see eye to eye, she does and says things which really get to me (and others) and in simple words ‘only cares for her own’, so when it comes to me and my brother she doesn’t really pay a part at all. Anyway we’re trying to decide on our invite wording and came up with some suggestions for this to show to them. I would like the invites to be as though from my dad inviting people to see his daughter get married so one option was both their names inviting to see their daughter get married! The other option was taking out the 'our' daughter bit as I’m not like a daughter to Jayne anyway! But her response was ‘well its nothing to do with me, so have whatever you like, shouldn’t the invite be from OH’s parents as well if they are contributing?’ as my dad also doesn’t seem bothered and suggested we invite people instead, but why do I feel as though no-one is interested in my wedding, I realise that not having my mum around I’m doing all the mother, daughter things alone anyway, I just feel alone and very tearful at the moment and need someone to say snap out of it girl!

So anyway sorry to rant on, I must sound like a little child not a 24 year old about to get wed!! I’m wondering what you think would be the best option for me to use on our invites, should we just invite people ourselves or go ahead and just use my dad’s name, not mentioning his partner?

Any help will be much appreciated.

paulies_nixie

Dont wanna read and run. Cooor I've got no time today

Anyway I was gonna say I think it's something you should decide. It's really personal to you.

But for what it's worth my mum and dad split up.
I couldnt invite people from my dad with out upsetting my step dad and viseversa.
So all invites will be from us.
And my dad really insnt interested in the wedding so I've decided I cant be a daddies girl forever. and have to stand on my own feet with my new husband as he's the man in my life now. ..... please dont think I mean that for you - gawd no - you do what you want thats my drama if Daddy was more supportive I'd love him to be involved.

Nixie
x

joolesw1972

Hi Cleomolly, it may be easier to invite the guests from you & your oh, then find another way to thank your father/his partner/oh family for their contribution in another way-such as in the order of service & the speeches?

We will be sending our invites from us, but as it's a civil partnership, we're not tied by tradition - plus we're paying for most of it ourselves.

I think traditionaly the invites were worded from the brides parents as they were "hosting" i.e. paying for the wedding.

To be honest, out of the three weddings we've been to in the last couple of years, I couldn't tell you how they were worded, we were just interested in time, date & location.

Are you close to your oh family or your siblings? & could you get advice/support from them?

debs2327

aww hun god ive been there many times throughout my planning and to be honest im soo glad its very nearly all over as i like you have done a hell of a lot of the wedding things on my own as i have no parents alive sadly , but i do / did have a mil but she kind of took over and ended up in a massive argument and us all not speaking ( there is a big thread all about it )
i know you really want to have the invites to be read from your dad but if he doesnt seem bothered about helping you with this i personally think you`ll just end up getting yourself more upset over this, y not just have it from you and your h2b , i felt quite often that noone was interested in the wedding and got myself upset a lot i wish i could do it all again and make myself be happier through it all , my advise would be try and do the planning to please yourself and your future husband and not to please and try and involve everyone else hun cos i done that and it has ruined my whole feeling of the planning to the point me and my h2b (3 days time whoooo ) has planned to renew our vows in 5 yrs time so we can do it our way and for ourelves and not try to please all the familys xx hope you have a brill time planning and i`ll still be here talking to everyone after my wedding cos its been the best forum ive ever been on for emotional support xx

cleomolly

Nixie - Thanks, Reading your post has been a great help just to make me realise/remember the reasons for marrying in the first place!

joolesw - Thank you too, I agree, I think i just assumed that the invites must come from my parents, then when they were not interested i got so upset! but who says the parents should be the ones to invite guests? I guess i was just following tradition, well what i tohught was tradition! I like the sound of thanking them in some other way. I'll have to have a think about doing that.

debs - Hi, I've jsut had a quick read through your thread, WOW I really don't have anything ot moan about at all! I expected this part of my life to be such a special time that i would remember forever but it's just so easy to get caught up in all the family fuads, and the rubbish bits that you forget the reasons for doing this in the first place! I definately need to re-evaluate things and have a good think about what this means to me and what i want from this. Thank you, I needed that kick to realise this. oh and the best of luck for your wedding, I'll not ask how you are feeling so close to the big day ; ) all the best x

Thanks everyone again for taking the time to reply. x

nat82

Hi Cleomolly

Hope you are ok.

I'd also suggest inviting your guests from you and your hubby to be. We did this but as jooles says, no-one will rememember how you word them so please don't stress yourself about it.

I can kind of understand how you feel about your mum. I am fairly close to my mum and she didn't take an interest in my wedding purely because we didn't do it her way. She didn't even get us a gift (not that that is why we got married!!!).

We're all here for you if you need a moan!

xxx

emlou2009

i would say its probably best to invite your guests from "you" IYSWIM. our guests wont be invited by my parents as mine wont really have anything to do with it other than turning up, my mum wont be coming and my dad has changed his name to sally :rolleyes:
TBH i dont think people really take that much notice of traditions like that any more, i've certainly never had a wedding invitation from the brides parents myself.

debs2327

cleomolly wrote: »

Nixie - Thanks, Reading your post has been a great help just to make me realise/remember the reasons for marrying in the first place!

joolesw - Thank you too, I agree, I think i just assumed that the invites must come from my parents, then when they were not interested i got so upset! but who says the parents should be the ones to invite guests? I guess i was just following tradition, well what i tohught was tradition! I like the sound of thanking them in some other way. I'll have to have a think about doing that.

debs - Hi, I've jsut had a quick read through your thread, WOW I really don't have anything ot moan about at all! I expected this part of my life to be such a special time that i would remember forever but it's just so easy to get caught up in all the family fuads, and the rubbish bits that you forget the reasons for doing this in the first place! I definately need to re-evaluate things and have a good think about what this means to me and what i want from this. Thank you, I needed that kick to realise this. oh and the best of luck for your wedding, I'll not ask how you are feeling so close to the big day ; ) all the best x

Thanks everyone again for taking the time to reply. x

thanks hun its all made us realise that the 2 ppl in a wedding that should be happy is the bride and groom , and most times out of all they are the 2 ppl who isnt cos they are trying to please everyone else , im getting very nervous now xx

frannyann

Hi, another who didn't want to read and run! Just do the invites from you and your OH, as its about you two. Do you have a close friend who you can be a bit 'Bridezilla' with?? I have my daughter (12) who is having sooo much fun being 'bridezilla's assistant' at the moment, if you have someone to share the excitment with it will help. xx

lindaatno9

I found this and simply lifted it so apologies.

The 'correct' thing to do would be to have your Father's name on the invitations as 'the host' but there's no rule saying this has to be done, especially when you're uncomfortable with it. Your partner and yourself could be the hosts so the invitation would start 'Miss XX and Mr XX request the pleasure of your company at their wedding...' Or your invitations could be more contemporary and not have any hosts named at the start. These would just state 'You're invited to join us for our wedding on...'. If you're not having a formal wedding, you really don't need formal invitations and perhaps missing of the traditional 'hosts'would solve a lot of problems! Any stationery company should be able to give you lots of ideas for wordings to get around this situation.


Also googled this http://www.invitationconsultants.com/sw-main.aspx

I think it's what makes YOU happy and not get drawn into the politics of families and keeping everyone else happy.

xx

cleomolly

I have just written a lengthy reply to you all individually but when clicked submit it disappeared, so I'm sorry but I will have to leave a short version : )

I really appreciate all of your advice, we have decided not to have a host on the invites. they will simply say 'you are invited to celebrate' blah blah, as many of you have said I don't think it will be noted by anyone, and we're happy with it so thats all that matters! It's a real eye opener this wedding business. I've also realised just how much my friend is doing for me, as before i was only focusing on the people who didn't want to be involved not the person who has helped me with everything so far, the one who has got excited over everything for me, and is more excited than me for the wedding! x