Ex ignoring my wishes ref previously violent GF

elisebutt65

Didn't really know what to put as the title for this as it's a longish story.

Basically my ex and I sort of get on, even though he is a compulsive liar - even the smallest things, and he also doesn't pay CM regularly - well he pays it and then the cheques bounce -sigh. I just don't rely on it anymore - it's a nice bonus when I get it.

For the last couple of years he was living with someone up in W/hampton and then they had a child together - Baby M. She had real problems with her caesarean and got MRSA and basically ended up in hospital for weeks on end so the baby went to live with his parents - he is blind so couldn't look after baby on his own. She gets out finally and gets babyM back. My DS (9) has been seeing his dad and staying over pretty regularly and over Xmas etc. Anyway this December she went a bit loopy and physically attacked my Ex and then called police saying that she attacked him etc -despite the fact that he'd have to find her first (blind??) She ends up at the local Psych unit and apparently is suffering from Post Partum Depression and baby M goes back to grandparents. Ex has to leave his job and move to Exeter so he can see baby M and gets a job with a well known charity dealing with Guide Dogs. I've tolf him he can still see and have Ds whenever he wants as long as he doesn't go anywhere near his ex as she kept on and on about wanting him (:eek:) I said that if he wanted to see his brother then they could meet in public or at a contract centre but I didn't want her anywhere near our son.

Move on 8 months to present and she has been out for a while and has baby M back with her. Ex is still living and working in Exeter with Ds going down to stay at weekends and holidays. This week I went to Brussels with BF whilst DS was with him and I got back yesterday. I tried ringing all day and into evening with no reply from any mobiles or landlines or to texts. Then I get a call from him this morning and apparently they stayed at his exGFs house so DS could see his brother:eek: This is after him promising that she would never get anywhere near him again! DS was told to keep his phone switched off until they got back to Exeter as well. Probably because he knowsd that I would have got the first train up there - I'm in Leamington so only an hour or so away by train - and got him off her despite travelling most of the day.

Now he won't bring my DS back until Monday and I'm absolutely fuming as I don't have the funds to get all the way down there. He rang a little while ago as DS is not feeling well and he has no calpol in or anything. I spoke to Ds and he says he has a headache and tummy ache. I'm bloody frustrated and worried as our GP is up here - his parents are complete pains and probably won't help - he's bloody blind and can't check for rashes/thermometers etc or anything and my baby is ill and I'm stuck up here in the middle of the night not able to sleep or do anything apart from rant on a forum!

Aaargh!

xmaslolly76

Elise dont panic i'm sure your son will be fine how old is he ? You obviously trust your ex to take care of your son properly normally Just because he is blind does not mean he cant look after him now. Maybe you are just focusing to much on the fact he has broken his word with regards to the ex partner i would be worried to in your shoes but the main thing is to get him home well. Does your partner not have any support there who could check on your son for you with regards to his temperature and sickness? My DD is quite sensative and complains of feeling sick a lot especially if she has had a big day maybe he is a little stressed with all the secrecy he has had to put up with over the last couple of days. Keep calm and dont let on to your DS how worried you are it could make him feel worse if he thinks you are upset with him.

I hope you and your son are both feeling better this morning :-) x

elisebutt65

Well I called him this morning and he's feeling better now so that's one worry off my mind.:o

Now I just have to think about how to deal with this whole situation. Lying about my child maintenance is one thing but this is a whole different thing as he could have put our child in danger and he's just trying to brush it under the carpet and he just doesn't get it???

I'm just wondering whether to speak to Social Services about it now as obviously she isn't a danger to kids in general as she has both hers back with her now but she really creeped me out with the whole business with our son and I had to let the school and after school club know that she wasn't to go anywhere near him. She had the idea that my DS was hers - I mean I know he stayed there pretty regularly until it all blew up but this is just mad!

Mojisola

elisebutt65 wrote: »

This week I went to Brussels with BF whilst DS was with him and I got back yesterday. I tried ringing all day and into evening with no reply from any mobiles or landlines or to texts. Then I get a call from him this morning and apparently they stayed at his exGFs house so DS could see his brother:eek: This is after him promising that she would never get anywhere near him again! DS was told to keep his phone switched off until they got back to Exeter as well. Probably because he knowsd that I would have got the first train up there - I'm in Leamington so only an hour or so away by train - and got him off her despite travelling most of the day.

I'm glad your son is feeling better today.

I think it's very unfair of your ex to make your son turn off his phone - it's involving him in underhand behaviour and making him choose between doing what Dad has asked and what you would want him to do. Not to mention worrying you because you couldn't make contact with him!

vaio

I can see your point but given that the PND woman has been assessed by SS and found not dangerous is it really your place to be dictating what happens when your ex is out with his son?

I do strongly disagree with the secrecy particularly involving your son & his phone, maybe your ex needs to grow a pair and say when he’s with his son they go where and meet whoever he chooses.

When your son comes back to you he should have a heap of things to tell and share, not be worrying because he’s supposed to keep secrets

elisebutt65

vaio wrote: »

I can see your point but given that the PND woman has been assessed by SS and found not dangerous is it really your place to be dictating what happens when your ex is out with his son?

I do strongly disagree with the secrecy particularly involving your son & his phone, maybe your ex needs to grow a pair and say when he’s with his son they go where and meet whoever he chooses.

When your son comes back to you he should have a heap of things to tell and share, not be worrying because he’s supposed to keep secrets

How many other parents have been assessed and found not dangerous? Think Baby P?
He was also supposed to ask SS whether it would be ok to go and stay with my son, which I've found out since - he didn't want to bother!:mad:

I'm not dictating but the fact that he felt the need to sneak around behind SS backs and wait until I was out of the country and couldn't say anything about it speaks volumes??

bestpud

The woman had a difficult birth and then post natal depression, but she has received care and is now better.

Give her a break! She didn't attack your son, did she?

I agree all the secrecy is worrying, but then he obviously knew you'd go off on one like this!

I cant understand how you'd have got a train straight to her house if you'd have known he was staying with someone you suspect may be mentally ill, and yet, when you know your son is ill and you are supposedly worried sick, you don't have the funds to go and collect him? How would you have paid for the train before?

Like I said, the secrecy is indefensible and he definitely should not involve your son in the deception, but other than that your post seems OTT.

He is your son's father, whether you like it or not, and I fail to see how you could go abroad 'knowing' he is incapable of dealing with illness, and then complain about him being the irresponsible parent!

Sorry if I seem harsh but you seem to want everything your own way from what you have posted here.

elisebutt65

Thought I'd update the post now there's news - i left it a whiles as the tone was getting hostile - such a caring bunch:rolleyes:

Bit of vindication really as I knew there was a reason I felt uneasy. Both of her own kids(one of them my ex's ) are now in care and ex is trying for a residential order. He's actually asked me to be a reference for him for Social Services to say that he is k to look after a 3 year old with help from SS. SS have offered him a total care package - whatever that is.

The Police are also pushing to have the kids removed permanently from her care after Social Services appeared to be a little wishy washy about it. She went to a School Disco with kids then took them to pub after and proceeded to get totally off her head - with kids in tow - both kids hadn't appeared to have been fed properly for a while and were totally filthy - her 10 year old had been attempting to look after littlie for a few day.

This only got found out because of the pub trip where she collapsed drunk on the way home with the kids:eek: Whilst I am sympathetic towards mental health issues, she has been offered so much help over the past couple of years and has always turned it down!

My DS is over the moon at his little brother going to live with his dad and I really hope ex gets full custody and out of her clutches. Oldest boy is totally traumatised - possibly for life but the little one hopefully is young enough to be able to forget. Ex has finally apologised now as well and has admitted that it was a huge mistake to stay there - DS still hasn't come clean over what happened, but I know something did from the way he avoids all mention of her and really really hates her - I was shocked at the expression on his face when I talked about his trip up there!

The train confusion - his ex gf lives in Wolverhampton which I can get to by train within the hour and doesn't really cost much, whereas the ex lives in Exeter which involves a long and convoluted trip of about 5 hours and cost an absolute packet!

daska

I didn't see this thread when you first started it but sometimes it isn't possible to convey exactly why things feel 'wrong' in words, so I can see where the OTT comment spring from. Having read it now, yes, exactly the same warning bells ringing as there were with my DSD and her mum's behaviour. I'm so glad things are now being resolved. Is your ex going to offer residence to the older brother as well rather than split the children up - SS will usually try to keep siblings together.

Pssst

Sounds like a case for Jeremy..
http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/jeremykyle/default.html

elisebutt65

Pssst wrote: »

Sounds like a case for Jeremy..
http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/jeremykyle/default.html

LOL - thanks but no way would I ever air dirty laundry in public (forums do offer s semblance of privacy) plus I don't think I come up to the desired level of chavdom required:rolleyes: