son wants to live with

mikeouk

i posted a few weeks ago regarding an incident with my sons mothers partner. Things have moved on, my son who will be 8 in september is adamant he doesnt want to live with his mum any more and i dont want him living in a house where there is domestic violence. Hes been with me for the past week. On wednesday he was due to go on a trip to blackpool with his mum and sister (not my child),i took him to her house at 9.30am, id told him i needed to talk to his mum in private, i told her he was distressed about living there and that if she wants him to be happy she should let him live with me, her response was to call him into the room and tell him to get out of her house and that she never wants to see him again, as you can imagine, he was extremely upset. Today i asked her for his birth certificate so i could claim for child benefit, she refused and said she would take me to court to get him back. Then she rang this afternoon and asked to speak to my son, i handed him the phone and heard him say "stop calling me sweetheart" "no im not coming back" then he hung up on her. Before anyone suggests it, I haven't tried to alienate him from her, ive told him i just want him to be happy and that if he wants to live with me then ill do all i can to make it happen but if he changes his mind id never keep him from his mum. My personal opinion of her is that shes a terrible mother and is only bothered about herself. I truly believe that she doesnt want to loose the maintenance i pay her and the family tax credit and child benefit and also she would see her child moving in with his dad as a rejection, she also doesnt care that he hates her boyfriend because hes had to put up with their arguments.
She text me before and said she'd let him stay with me for a couple of weeks and see if he changes his mind,i dont think he will but i said thats fine.
I can see a custody battle on my hands,,,will the court listen to my sons wishes and the fact that theyd be sending him to a volatile environment if they rule he has to back to his mother?
im stressing about this,,some advice me please

MadDogWoman_2

I know someone who was in a similar situation with 3 children wanting to be dad and not mum.

The children were aged between 4 & 10.

There is an agency called CAFCAS I believe who talk to the children in a relaxed situation to see what they want and they then make a report to the court.

It took 18 months and numerous court visits but the children got their wish and moved home. They are now aged 17-12 and none of them have much contact with their mum anymore.

You are entitled to half an hour free with a solicitor - try to find one experienced in family law. The CAB may also be able to advise you.

HTH

MDW

gizmo111

What orders are on the child at present?
Do you have parental responsibility?
If there is a DV concern, then how old is the youngest child you mention?

pretzelnut

Speak to a solicitor first is my advice.

Then take it from there.

Ypu could always ring up the child benefit, CSA and tax credits and say that DS is living with you temporarily and ask where you stand.

If your concerned about the domestic violence then you have to mention it to Social services as there is another child who could be at risk too.

elisebutt65

You can get a copy of the birth certificate yourself from here.

mikeouk

gizmo111 wrote: »

What orders are on the child at present?
Do you have parental responsibility?
If there is a DV concern, then how old is the youngest child you mention?

yes i have parental responsibility, not sure what dv concern is, divorce? if so, i was never married to my sons mother. my son will be 8 in 3 weeks

jimsmum

DV is domestic violence.

mikeouk

jimsmum wrote: »

DV is domestic violence.

doh! of course,
in which case ,yes, there is a dv concern.
i spoke to nspcc help line and also social services. SS said as long as hes with me then they wouldnt get involved but if my ex takes him back and i have concerns then they would do an assesment.
He just doesnt want to be there anymore, hes seen a succesion of men come and go over the years, hes watched his mother drink and get abusive and now he has to endure arguments when hes in bed, i think hes just had enough. I live on my own so when hes with me its mellow and hes a happy kid.
My ex has always been of the opinion, a father is secondary in a childs life and that the child always lives with the mother. I know she will try to get him back by acting all sorry and promice him everything will change, i know from experiance nothing ever changes with her, i just hope my boy is strong enough to see through her.

gizmo111

How old is the younger child and what did SS say about assessing that one? If your ex is not going to agree to him living with you then SS will do an assessment. How long have you been seperated? Is the current boyfreind the other childs father?

mikeouk

gizmo111 wrote: »

How old is the younger child and what did SS say about assessing that one? If your ex is not going to agree to him living with you then SS will do an assessment. How long have you been seperated? Is the current boyfreind the other childs father?

my son is the younger child, the older one is to her ex husband, current boyfriend has been around for the past 10 months id say.

jackiegibbo

try and see a lawyer on tuesday if you can and get some legal advice.Good luck