My brother's behaviour

emma_spaghetti

Hi all,

I wondered if anyone would be able to give me a bit of advice RE: my brother's behaviour. I moved back in with my mum and brother in March, and since then I've noticed him acting progressively worse, with some quite strange behaviour. He's always been known for being quite 'slow', always making silly mistakes (filling the kettle up with milk once!) and often disregarding people's feelings (inviting 10 friends over at 2am on a Tuesday for a party!), but it's always been put down to being a typical teenage. But recently there has been a whole new side to his behaviour

He's 20 and has just finished his second year at Uni and has no job. He's lost about 2 stone through not eating for a day then gorging, and sits around the house all day, smoking about 50 cigarettes a night and drinking countless cups of coffee (A good 8-9 a day). He always looks as though he is in a daze and stares past you, and quite often you have to repeat something 2 or 3 times before he hears you. Quite often he needs you to repeat it in a different context because he hasn't quite understood.

He also seems to have lost alot of his sense of reality -he missed his Uni exam the other day, and went up there - Having driven my mum's car up there without asking and without a driving license- at 8pm, thinking he could just redo it whenever he liked). Yesterday he was insistent we drove him up to Eltham in London, where he was at Uni (he hasn't lied there since he left halls in May), but he couldnt explain why he wanted us to take him there.

Quite often we will catch him just smiling to himself. The day he took my mums car I saw him walking down the road, just smiling to himself as he let himself into the house, as though he has no idea what he has just done is wrong.

Last night it all came to a head. We would be talking to him and he would just randomly say a sentence that came out of nowhere- We were talking about banks for example, and he said "well it is a tudor building", for example, and then started accusing me of giving one of our towels to my gay friends! He is off on holiday today, and my dad asked him to give his friend a call to check he was still able to come. He took one look at my dad, left the house for 15 minutes without saying a word, and came back with some skunk and a 300 DVD He plonked the DVD on the table, gave my mum the drugs saying "no hard feelings" and then went over to a cupboard, pulled out a sword and propped it against the wall, and sat back down again in silence. He could explain why he had just taken a sword out of the cupboard!

My stpemum suggested we take him up to A&E to see if we could see the psychiatrist (it was about 9pm by then). In the car he kept asking us to take him to the train station (we later asked him why, and he said he wanted to do something 'spiritual and spontaneouis'- Sit in a lift and go up and down), and he started pointing at the No Smoking sign outside the hospital saying "Have you ever seen such a f***** up smoking sign?!".

We eventually spoke to a doctor who after assessing him basically said they thought his reaction was to do with drugs (we know he does occasionally smoke skunk, but to be honest I don't think it's very regular, he has had absolutely no money since he left Uni and just sits around the house all day watching TV and making countless cups of tea/smoking cigarettes). The thing was as soon as the doctor came in, all the random sentences stopped, and he was almost acting normally. The doctor would ask how uni was and he said it was going well (it's not, he's failed the year), and he also told him he smokes cigarettes very little and sleeps well- Obviously all this is not true!

We then saw a psychiatrist, and my brother behaved in the same way, answering the questions fairly normally. They suggested he went to the GP- So that's the stage we are at now. For some stupid reason he's been allowed to go on this trip away (3 days). This morning he was behaving in quite an odd way- They were late for the flight and he was insistent on having a bath and charging his phone, which there was obviuously no time to do!

I just wondered if anyone had a similar experience or had any idea as to what they think could be the issue here? Would really be interested to hear what people think, at the moment my mum is just in denial and burying her head in the sand, whereas I think there is evidently something wrong which needs addressing sooner rather than later.

Thanks

shelley_crow

Get in touch with social services, there is a CAMHS (Children and Adolescents Mental Health Services) unit, I can't remember if they see young people up to 18 or 20. Otherwise it would be the adults mental health deaprtment. Maybe have a chat with one of the social workers and see what they can suggest.

MIND are also very good for mental health issues, you can visit the dro pin centres or ring the MIND helpline, hope you find your brother some help.

Hardup_Hester

It doesn't take a lot of skunk to have a serious effect, but TBH I'm not sure what you can do about it, he has to want help, not just need it.
Hester

Zazen999

He's off his face on drugs and doing it for effect. ie - they were late for the flight as he was having a bath and charging his phone.....well, leave him behind then!!!

Sounds like he has got a bit of an easy life to be honest. He's funding his habit somehow. If you stop that then you might just solve the problem.

Jammygal

Sorry you have been having a bit of a stressful time!

Is your bro on any other kind of meds???? eg anti depressants etc

Sounds like some of it could be attention grabbing.

I don't think the skunk is going to help if he is already having a few mental health issues.

Noctu

Do you know how long he's been smoking cannabis?

It sounds as if the cannabis use may have triggered off psychosis, or made an underlying psychosis problem worse.

Either way, as I'm sure you already realise, he needs to see a professional ASAP along with your help so you can illustrate what's wrong. Have a look here for more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosis

emma_spaghetti

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies- I will give MIND and the others a call later on today and see what they suggest.

Jammygal- No he's not on any other medication from what we know.

The random sentences only started yesterday all of a sudden, we're all so confused. My mum is convinced he's having a nervous breakdown, but I think there must be more to it than that.

He told the doctor he's acknowledged he's upsetting people from time to time but doesn't really see why- I asked him the same question a couple of weeks ago and he seemed completely oblivious to the way people are feeling at the minute, even after an argument where we've tried telling him something has got to change.

We also asked him why he took the sword out of the cupboard later on, and he didn't seem to remember, just stared at us blankly and said "dunno".

We explained we were worried about him and he agreed to come to the hospital with us originally- And also said he will see the GP in a few days so I suppose he must know something is not quite right with himself. Even after we agreed to go to the hospital, he kept asking "where are we going, take me to the train station", as though the previous conversation hadn't been had.

It's just odd the way he has lapses and can be completely normal for a good half an hour and then start behaving really strangely again...

He also doens't remember blankly staring at me for a good 2 minutes before we left- My mum had to intervene and stand in front of him, and he kept leaning past her to try and stare me out- Quite scary when he had just taken the sword from the cupboard!

I do wonder if perhaps he is getting his hands on skunk from friends who are just giving it to him for free- From what I understand if he does smoke drugs it's only ever with skunk, not with any of the lighter stuff.

RadoJo

If he was able to recognise speaking to the doctors as a situation where he was required to act 'normally' it sounds as though he does have some control over his behaviour, but whether that's enough is a different matter. Have you spoken to anyone at his uni? They often have pastoral care or support teams which can offer an objective ear for someone to talk to.

People at uni do sometimes want to reinvent themselves, create a new personality or become the person they think they should be - is it possible that he's experimenting with this 'dark' persona just to try it on for size as it were? I know several people who have used university as an opportunity to let themselves do things they would never have done before, because everyone's new and nobody knows what they were like so they can be free to act differently etc - you know your brother so if this sounds like him, it could be that he will either snap out of it or at least adapt the odder elements of his behavour as he realises it's hard to sustain.

Dinah93

Has he ever tried stopping the drugs? It would be important to know if it is skunk induced or if he actually has an underlying issue that he possibly is trying to block out.

moiramber

I would agree with your mum, it sounds like he is having some sort of nervous breakdown. His behaviour is very strange and sounds like typical behaviour when suffering from this I would say. My mum has a history of nervous breakdowns which I have been right in the middle of about 5 times in my life. She too does extrememly weird things when suffering one of these and does very strange things, Last time she walked bare foot for about 6 miles before getting picked up by the police and being taken home. She too has a history of smoking canabis and these in my opinion always contribute hugely to these episodes.

Getting help is very difficult as they have to realise there is a problem and want the help, My mum too has always acted completely normal every time when speaking to a doctor etc during these espidoes.

Good luck with getting help for your brother, I understand exactly how stressful and scary it is when someone is behaving like this. I am always stressed out at the thought of my mum taking another one

Gavin83

I can't really see the cannabis having this sort of effect, especially if as you say he doesn't do it that often.

It almost sounds like he's acting this way consciously if he was able to act normally in a scenario that required it. Did he seem to think he needed help or did he go just to make you happy? How is his uni life besides the fact he failed his year? Is he struggling to cope with it all and the workload?