if someone would help you out......

lifesachallenge

I would let him pay biggest debt for you - but with an agreed repayment plan, perhaps including interest that he would be earning in savings interest - that way you are still paying off debt - but without company making money on interest from you -

Life is too short.. if you want to be with him in Holland, and this is all that is stopping you, get going - he obviously wants you there to offer to help you out
HTH

Pigeongirl

I would say you should do all or nothing; either have him pay off all your debts so you get that wonderful debt free feeling and can start afresh or decide not to let him pay off any and do it the hard way.

Personally, I would go with the former. Relationships are give and take and if my husband could afford to pay off my debts I know he would and he wouldn't ask to be paid back because my debts are his debts and vice versa.

Good luck!

spaghetti_monster

Thanks guys for all your advice!

It's interesting to hear from people who've had connections with Holland. My boyfriend keeps insisting how cheap it is over there but it doesn't really seem so to me, just from a few chats about house/rent prices, in bars and supermarkets etc the prices don't seem so low. Added to this I think that wages might be slightly lower but mr218, you are right I would have to do a lot more research before moving.

Also interesting to hear about people who are/were paying back partners/family members. Maybe it helps to really formalise it as if we did this I would obviously want to pay him back. I can see how things might become confused if you move in with someone, share finances etc. We've talked quite a bit about living together, how it would work and we do see ourselves really sharing everything, working as a team.

One thing that also crosses my mind is about this feeling that I really must pay every last penny back myself with no help. I do have quite a determined streak and I like having this goal that I'm going to put right everything I did wrong to get into debt, I'm going to turn the tables on the banks - they'll get no more interest/charges from me etc etc (and of course this site certainly helps fire up the determination!)

On the other side I think that sometimes we need to accept help if it comes along, we don't have to do everything alone. I can't take back the fact that I got myself into debt. I guess the worry if someone helps you out of the hole is that you won't have learned your lesson. But I really think that I have learned mine - I really enjoy being much more in control of my finances.

So I wonder if the determination to do it alone comes from a need to prove something to myself/others???? And maybe that's just not realistic?

I like lifesachallenge's comment that life is too short - I agree and I don't think I can wait til debt-free date (2008ish) to move! Also we're currently easyjet's best customers (terrible for finances and environment I know!)

I think my general plan for the moment is:
- lots of MSE stuff (earning more, cutbacks, flinging as much as poss at debts)

- in 6 months see where we are and also how boyfriend's freelancing is shaping up.

Thanks again, maybe I'll have to go and push the thank-you buttons as we all seem to be back to zero!

Alex x

spaghetti_monster

ok, no thank you buttons!
so thanks again anyway!!!

lynzpower

Alex,

My parents bailed me out of my hideous graduate loan with llods that was 19.5%, they moved to 0%, but they were making a loss, as theyve borrowed off thier mortgage. Im not happy about this, mother wont discuss it at all.

Im gonna do some sums when Im debt free and work out what that difference is, and save it and offer it to them. Knowing my dad, he wont accept it and offer it back to us for the wedding. I reckon we'll buy them a city break or something at least, fairs fair after all.

spaghetti_monster

That sounds like a good idea to give them a gift of some kind if they won't accept it back.

I was thinking that if my boyfriend paid off some or all of the debts I would open a savings account and pay him back by making payments into that. Then I could see how I was doing - see the figures go up (instead of down!)

Bestthingsinlifearefree

alex_w wrote:

That sounds like a good idea to give them a gift of some kind if they won't accept it back.

I was thinking that if my boyfriend paid off some or all of the debts I would open a savings account and pay him back by making payments into that. Then I could see how I was doing - see the figures go up (instead of down!)

Hi Alex,

From your signature it seems 2K of your debt is on 0% and some on student loans which is probably low interest rate.

Surely it would be better for your BF to keep the money that he could pay these debts off with, in a high interest earning account.

ie why use 2K to pay of a debt which is on zero % interest when he can keep that money in the bank and gain interest.