if someone would help you out......

spaghetti_monster

Just wanted to tell you guys a bit about my situation and see what you think........

My boyfriend lives abroad and and although nothing is planned in great detail the idea is probably that I'm going to move out there in 6 months/1 year.

Now as you can see from my signature my debts are not the hugest ever but I don't earn very much. I've done a detailed budget over the past few months, really got everything under control. I did a debt-free date calculation and as I'm currently going it would be about 2008/9. So I'm also doing everything I can to get more work (I'm freelance in a very competitive badly paid profession! Time to change career!)
I've also been researching work options in Holland (where boyfriend lives).

So the first thing I was thinking was that it might be a bad idea to move and still have debts. ie. be trying to find work, earning v little money in euros and oweing debt repayments in pounds.

Anyway my boyfriend has just gone freelance (his profession would make it difficult to move countries). He used to have a really well paid job and planned and saved up for his situation (one day I hope to be well paid and sensible enough to do this!!!!). He has quite a lot of savings and has offered to pay off if not all of my debts then the most expensive.

This then brings me to another dilemma:
Half of me really really wants to pay off these debts all by myself. I got myself into it, I want the satisfaction of getting myself out of it.
Then there's the other side - it's just money, banks are getting interest, the debt is somehow pinning me down. And when I get to Holland cost of living would be much cheaper (I'm in London so not difficult!)

Not to mention practicalities of paying off a debt in pounds with euros. I bet this would cost a fair bit!

Anyway, sorry to waffle and thanks for reading! If anyone has any ideas or experience........

Alex

nabowla

If someone had offered to pay off my debts six months ago I'd have snapped their hand off. Now, though, I'm not so sure. I'm having to budget really carefully and am learning a lot about money management. Those skills will stay with me when I'm debt free and will help me avoid a similar situation in the future. If I hadn't had to pay back my own debts I could easily have got myself into another mess in the future.

I guess what I'm saying is that you should pay back your own debts. It'll mean a few sacrifices in the short term but you'll be building a much stronger foundation for your financial future. Perhaps your boyfriend could put his money aside to start an 'emergencies' fund to cover unforeseen expenses when you eventually move to Holland?

tina68

i would love someone to pay my debt in full then i would just have one payment to make back each month so much easier i think...though i could be wrong
Tina x

lynzpower

Alex,


Hmmm theres certainly no way Id have someone payig my debts off now Ive had my LB moment ( aside from my lodger :rolleyes:) . Ive had a number of mini LB moments before and Ive always managed to have someone "pay off for me" be it my parents, or a consolidation loan, and really it hasnt helped overly. Besides I cant wait for my DEBT FREE DAY where I can do my post and say YAY I did it.

HAve you calculated the amount of interest left on this debt you have left? Or have you thought about getting whats left of the loan moved onto a 0% credit card? Personally I know this isnt very DFW, but Id prefer to pay the interest than have someone else pay it off. Also your OH will be losing interest on his lost savings. As you say, hes saved up for this situation of him going freelance, and hes nly just started. Lots of peeps here state the highs & lows of frelancing, and its of course the buffer hes going to need while hes waiting to get paid and so on. IN worst case scenario he could end up with not enough money and going into debt himself!

It could get you out of london quicker, but I take it you dont have the savings he does, and may be living off his savings when you get there. 6 and half a dozen in someways. Why not go full tilt now and see if you can get some stewarding or other part time work to hit the remainder full on, and have a concerted all out effort to pay it off. Jobsin send me emails daily with part time work for stewarding at events & conference centres, pm me your email add if you want Ill forward this on if it appeals

All the best,
Lynz
x

Debt_Free_Chick

alex_w wrote:

This then brings me to another dilemma:
Half of me really really wants to pay off these debts all by myself. I got myself into it, I want the satisfaction of getting myself out of it.
Then there's the other side - it's just money, banks are getting interest, the debt is somehow pinning me down. And when I get to Holland cost of living would be much cheaper

But if you paid him back, then you would be paying it off yourself ..... You would effectively be getting a consolidation loan from your boyf and, depending on his terms, this could be a good deal. Especially if your living expenses in Holland are less, so that you could pay him back faster.

The only downside I can see is that your boyf would lose his savings (all of it?) and that present a difficulty if he had periods where he had little work and needed to use his savings to pay his bill.

This might be worth thinking about ... but you need to consider all angles.

GreyPilgrim

My situation is a bit different as I'm married. When I came to Manchester I was heavily in 'bad' debt. I moved in with my then girlfriend who basically supported me completely while I threw everything I earned at my debt. She had her own loans, credit cards and cards to pay off and while they were significant she hadn't defaulted on them. I gradually got mine under control and paid off fully - now as a married couple, we class the remaining debts (which were originally all hers) as 'ours' and pay them off together. She's very independant and baulked at the idea but she knew it made sense - I guess she saw it more as 'I got these debts before we even met, why should you pay them off'.

I know it's a different situation being married. We're a single family unit in all respects including financially.

I know in a boyfriend / girlfriend situation it's different with a whole different set of questions...being beholden to your boyfriend over a sum of money might make things awkward on a number of fronts...but then again you're talking about moving out there so I guess it's pretty damn serious. Do you think you're disciplined enought to take the money, pay off your debts, and then pay your boyfriend back over an agreed period of time? At least you're freeing yourself of interest payments and can maybe agree on a longer term so that you give yourself a little more breathing space...?

Hope that helps (it may be rubbish advice). best of luck with the debts whichever way you proceed and I hope everything goes well and it all turns out excellent. :-)

mr218

maybe a bit unrelated, but holland is not necessarily cheap. my husband is dutch and initially it was the case that hte uk was more expensive. but in the last few years (since the euro was introduced) the prices for most things is higher in holland from groceries, clothes to services like internet, mobile phone tariffs etc

also, if your accomodation is through a housing association you can get cheaper rents. but on the commercial market rents are very high and property prices are very high as well.

another thing to consider is the health insurance. unlike nhs you can choose and appropriately pay the level for the level of health cover you need. this has also gone up in the last couple of years.

so please be sure that you have your sums worked out with before you get there. good luck

livinginhope

Hi alex,I think you need to consider if this is a relationship that you know is going to last,if yes,then I agree with a couple of others here,accept his offer and pay your debt back to him,that way you are still paying it back,but hopefully at a lower rate,IF he can afford it without going short,go for it!

kar

It's always a hard decision to make. I had £7000 worth of debts from travelling before starting my degree. Met my OH and when we got a house together and got engaged he used his savings to pay off my debt (these were from selling a house he bought with an ex). Now we are saving those savings back up again. It feels so much better not paying the interest every month but i do feel very pressured to reach our savings target as it's "his" money - (even though we share everything). In some cases it can be a good idea it certainly took a lot of pressure off me.

fizzel81

in some ways i would love an oppertunity like this someone paying off what myself and dh owe it would mean less stress but i would also feel a little guilty as we created the debts so therefore we should pay them off, we are finding it hard right now but one day it will be better.

louise30_2

Hi Alex.

My dad has just paid my stuff off for me - and it is great, Although it takes some pressure off, because you care so much about them you are eager to pay them back. This has meant I am actually paying off more than I would have paid each month if I kept my credit cards.

On the other issue (moving) I was in a similar situation about four years ago. My OH was dutch and I lived in London. I was planning to move over there within a year or so.
Renting is expensive, so we looked at buying -which for us was the much better option.
As well as doing my main job in London I went on a course to learn to be a English teacher for speakers of other languages and planned to use this when I eventually moved there. I also took dutch lessons so I could get by (a bit) in a working environment and planned to perfect it more when I got there if needs be.

Holland is not really much cheaper than here, but like here, you can shop about for the best prices.(although I think it's a smidgen cheaper than London)

Unfortunately our relationship broke up for other unrelated reasons, but not before I did the course, learnt some of the language and gave up my london flat and job.

As for Holland, it's a lovely place and everyone is welcoming , I'm sure you would settle in ok

Sorry for the ramble - but I had what if.....? moment there!!!