Depressed

tesuhoha

I'm very depressed tonight because I had a row with my OH about money. His paycheque is very late this week and our mortgage payment has left the bank account. We are over our overdraft limit and we have been charged £30. he blames me for mismanagement, says that I should realise his boss is unreliable and keep funds in the bank. I however, have been trying to pay off cc bills because I want to get them down as much as possible before the 0% rates run out, so I have kept the overdraft. I dont want OH to start doing the accounts because last time he did them, there was total and utter chaos. He left everything, didnt pay any bills and didnt have a clue how much was in the bank. His idea of managing money was to give me £50 cash and tell me to buy the food shopping with it. That would be fair enough if he did all the rest but he doesnt have the the time. He blames me for everything, even the fact that we have so many outgoings. He is very sulky at the moment and not speaking to me because he works so hard and we never get anywhere. I feel the same way and I cant see an end to the debt. I dont want to post all the details right now, ive already done that but no matter what I do, things only ever seem to get worse. I am also depressed because we are trying to get £535 back from barclays (bank charges) and they wrote us a letter which we received today saying that they do not agree with us that their charges have been unfair. They have offered us a paltry £175 as a gesture of goodwill and i dont know whether to accept it or not as it willprobably held against us if we dont accept it and no one seems to be having much success against Barclays. I dont want you to waste your time on me, I am just letting off steam because i feel so dispirited tonight and need to get it off my chest. The way i feel right now and it is true, we have a lot of spending to do before we can start paying off the debt. because of our self inflicted circumstances the debt is going to increase but if we dont go ahead with the house move we will be back to square one. Also it is the one thing OH really wants to do and i have to go along with him because he is the major breadwinner and if i say anything against it he says in a very nasty way 'oh so you dont want to move now?' I'd better stop right now cos im digging myself into a hole and ill get loads of posts saying dont do it, when not doing it is not an option. i know im talking a load of rubbish here but its making me feel better just getting out into the open.

tesuhoha

And ive done it again, stayed up too late and i wont have enough sleep and have work in the morning. Still have the washing up and all my nightly routines to carry out. Wont be in bed till at least one. Sigh.

UKTigerlily

Hi tesuhoha,

I've just read your post & really feel for you. I'm glad you've turned to the site for help & support, you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Does your OH use this site? maybe if he read your post it might help him to understand that he isn't the only one struggling. I don't think he was fair saying you should know his boss is unreliable, maybe his boss is something you could address as his wages should be (I think have to be) available on time. Have you contacted the CCCS or Payplan for help? I've read posts from alot of people here who have used them & found them to be a big help. I agree you should move if things will be worse if you don't, but hope your OH respects your opinions also, you're a team & shouldn't feel pressured into this. I really don't know how to help but i'll be around for a while if you want to keep posting/PM me etc & I do know how debts & depression are together. Someone who knows more will be along soon i'm sure xxxx

aimme13

Big Big hugs to you.......its good to get it all off your chest......i know theres not much i can say....(except arrrrgh MEN!!! :eek: ) (sorry to all the lovely men on this site )....sometimes it makes us feel better just writing it all down.....try not to let it get you down.....take out all your anger and frustration on your keyboard....you know you will always have support from everyone on here......i know you dont want answers so im not going to make any suggestions, but just to let you know if theres anything i can do to help just ask.....feel free to pm if you need to chat
hope things look brighter in the morning

tesuhoha

You are very kind. I have to get myself off to bed now as I am feeling pretty shattered. No, i havent contacted cccs or payplan. i suppose its kind of admitting youre in trouble. I just feel more down than usual about it all tonight. I sent a text message to OHs boss this evening with our bank details, so i hope he gets the message and pays the money in. Things should improve after June when my sons school fees end. You see it is all our own fault, self inflicted.

UKTigerlily

My debts are self inflicted also, but these banks etc have a part in it all! Nobody is perfect & the main thing is you're on here talking to us. Loved the texting the bank details

tesuhoha

I feel so guilty and attention seeking but it is lovely to have all this reassurance. I already feel a whole lot brighter now. So thank you both.

UKTigerlily

LOL you're not attention seeking, and I'm so glad you're feeling better. Please take it one day at a time & well done for coming here

aimme13

try get a goods night sleep, let us know how your feeling tomorrow x

fizzel81

Hugs
hope you manage to get some sleep, im wide awake tonight to but its not the debts im worrying about

beverleyhills

Hope that you feel better this morning. It's better to express your feelings on this board than have words with your other half, particulaly you are going through a stressful time with the house move.

:grouphug: