Boyfriends Ex Does Not Know I Exist Am I an Idiot?

frustrated111

My B/F has two children with his ex. They broke up 4 years ago. She calls constantly at least 5 times a day. She lives many miles away from him so there is no chance she will just turn up but my problem is my BF wont tell her I exist yet. He says she may take her anger out on the children as she has a temper. I know this to be true and would not want the children to be on the receiving end. However I feel stuck. I have asked him to try to limit the phone calls as I find them very disturbing. I am tense just expecting his phone to ring. Has any one else been in a similar situation. Its not a topic I want to raise too often with him, as he does comment that I just want my own way all the time. I dont consider knowing about me to be such a big deal and if we have any future then surely she needs to know he has moved on. Although as you will appreciate I don't know if he has. He would be the first one to admit he lets things get out of hand as he never tackles them directly. He just takes his time doing anything as it requires him to do a lot of analysis. Am I being wicked asking him to tell her about me?

Any

How long are you going out with him?

londoner1998

Hello.
Yes, i have been in your situation. My partner had a 4 year-old with his ex and shw woudl ring anytime she fancied, anytime the girl cried, anytime she wouldn't eat, anytime they (mother &daughter) had a fight...she was incredibly dependant on him and more than happy to ruin our first encounters. I didn't say anything in the beginning, but when she started phoning the evenings he was in my flat and when he started to sleep at mine, I had to mention it. More than once she phoned after midnight, and you can imagine how out of order that was. Specially since he sees his daughter every weekend and many evenings a week. I mentioned it the first time they had an argument on the phone: I just said to him how uncomfortable I felt witnessing those conversations (even though he went out of the room) and how I felt she was invading our space. I said I understood they might need to speak about the child, but they had the opportunity every Friday/sunday when they did the change over/drop out (of course, she was never there to talk). I don't think it is necessary that the ex knows about you- it is not her life anyway and it might save you hassle. Eventually she will know anyway, I wouldn't worry too mcuh about her. But I do agree that perhaps he needs to agree other time to have those phone conversations. In my case, he started to say 'no, I can't talk now' after I got upset a couple of times when she highjacked the evening a propos of nothing('You won't belivee what she's just done!!!":mad:) or phone after nidnight. Sometimes he had to not pick up the phone, because he came to accept that she could manage. It took a while (years) for him to rely the message 'I am her father, but not your boyfriend anymore' but today is the day when there are much more clear limits (ie, she bombards us with phone calls when he goes to pick the girl from the tube station and if for example has left the phone at home- I just tell her- 'he' s not here, stop ringing- god-bye!':D )