Not buying presents..

nabowla

NPB's right about people misinterpreting your motives when you change your habits without telling anyone. I'd feel a bit hurt if I didn't get something from a good friend if they'd always bought me something in the past - I'd wonder whether I'd done something to offend them. However, if my friend emailed me and said "I'd love to buy you a present but I'm totally broke", I wouldn't mind at all. Honesty is defnitely the best policy. Why not tell your friend that you're anxious to clear your debts as quickly as possible so that you can afford to visit them at some point in the future? Alternatively, if you've got a tiny bit of money to buy a present but can't afford expensive postage, why not ring your friend and tell her that her present is the phone call? My mum's family live abroad and we did that for years. No-one minded, we'd far rather spend an hour catching up than waste good money on postage.

climbgirl

Yep, completely agree about telling people that you can't afford it. No good friend is going to get offended if you do that. But if you send an e-card with no explanation, that does seem kind of tight!

calleyw

I had a friend who a couple of years ago said about stop buying presents for each other because she could not afford it. I would only buy something token anyway.

I was like OK then. Saves me the hassle and cost of buying a present we just send each other cards.

Prehaps I need to do this with some family members. As they always buy us present and as an adult I really don't want someone else spending there hard earned money on me when they have children.

As long as you are clear for the reason of why you are doing this. By saying things are a little tight at the moment I am sure they will understand. And if they don't do you really want to be friends with them.

Yours


Calley

TurnaroundSue

When I don't have alot of money to spend on presents (which is usually the norm) I put a £1 lottery ticket in the card - never know they could end up being millionaires!!!

fizzel81

you are not selfish you are simply doing what is best for you

Dr.Lou

I don't think it is selfish to send an ecard.....At least you remembered her birthday and was thinking of her. Plus if she knows your financial situation, she shouldn't really expect a present especially if you have to send it from abroad.

My BIL told everyone a couple of years ago he was saving his cash and no-longer buying presents for adults for birthdays and xmas, my OH and I were really grateful as that meant we did not have to buy anything back. No-one was offended as he was quite up front about it and everyone knew what to expect.

As for friends having handouts from family, I too have a number of friends like this and over time some of them have squandered the money and have nothing to show for it, although others have invested it wisely. It depends on the type of person I guess.

I think if you have money handed to you on a plate, you easily can forget the value of money if you haven't earned it yourself. I personally am glad I have not had any handouts as in time I can look at the things my OH and I have achieved and know that we have done it all ourselves. Plus, recieving monetery gifts from family can easily make you feel guilty etc, so at least when I spend time with my family it is because I want to, not because I am angling for the next £20K they have in thier pocket.

Sorry to ramble on.

Catseyez

sparkle_monkey wrote:

I live abroad so often send small xmas or birthday presents to friends/family. Unfortunately the postage is often massive and recently I've had to cut back.

I have a friend in Australia whom I used to always mail presents to but now I have an easier way that helps to reduce costs...I buy online from Australian shopping sites . Postal rates are local and I use my Nationwide credit card so don't get charged for paying in foreign currency.

tesuhoha

lynzpower wrote:

Sparkle Monkey,

.

I also think that those who are given money by their parents like this end up in schtuck, I am one of them! Been so poor with money cos I know the parents will bail me out. Until I said NO MORE. I dont need thier money, I will survive on my own!

Wish my daughter would take that attitude. I only dream of things like that.

sparkle_monkey

I think I made a mistake by not telling her before her birthday. I've known her 2 years and bought presents both birthdays (when we were in the same country). Anyway, I sent a follow up email explaining why I'd just sent an ecard and that I was thinking of her.
She hasn't responded and it's my birthday today! haha, I suppose that's a message!