Not buying presents..

sparkle_monkey

I live abroad so often send small xmas or birthday presents to friends/family. Unfortunately the postage is often massive and recently I've had to cut back. Whilst I sent stuff to my dad and boyfriend I missed an old friend's birthday. I sent her an ecard (she knows my financial situation) and thought it's ok cos to be frank I'd rather use the money to pay off my debt.

Do you think I'm selfish? She obviously does as some comments have been made. She sent me a random present a few months ago - which was lovely but completely unexpected and now I feel that I should have reciprocated.

I hate to be seen as tight but I'm tight to myself too as I don't drink, smoke or go out much these days!

How do you react to people who don't understand your predicament? (Her parents paid her through university, she has no credit cards and has never had money worries)

amosworks

Sometimes a handwritten note of thanks can go a long way

Penny-Pincher!!

Hi

I dont think your being selfish or tight. If these friends know that your struggling to pay your debt and focus on that....then I (if I was a personal friend) would be proud of you.

Hugs
PP
xx

lynzpower

Yes, I do think you are selfish.

Is that a bad thing? NO!!!!! If you dont think about yourself, who will?

Would your freind prefer you to get more in debt by buying her some bit of frippery? If so, do you really want to be freinds with someone like that? Let alone spend your money on them.

sparkle_monkey

I like the idea of the note Amosworks, thanks for that.
I'm deeply ensconced in my money saving ways now and find it difficult to judge if I'm being overzealous or just sensible!

However I still feel jealous of others, particularly their apparent lack of money worries - I'm especially thinking of two people I know,
1. parents paid £20,000 deposit for a house as a gift
2. another friend who's dad had £100,000 he wanted to invest so she bought a house with the money and now lives on the rent from the tenants (she also lives there rent free) and only works a day or so a month - freelance - to make some pocket money.

I hate to admit feeling sick with envy sometimes, especially as these are two of my dearest friends and they deserve this happiness, but don't we all deserve a golden handshake? I know happiness comes from contentment in yourself, relationships, personal achievements etc and isn't materially based but I feel materialistic today and I WANT A HOUSE!!

lynzpower

Sparkle Monkey,

I have freinds like you describe & have felt exactly the same way. I will say, from my own perspective, when I moved into my flat ( i did get about 5k from my family, some of which Im paying back -see sig) I was SO chuffed, id manged it myself where it is thought im LOndon it wasnt possible.

I also think that those who are given money by their parents like this end up in schtuck, I am one of them! Been so poor with money cos I know the parents will bail me out. Until I said NO MORE. I dont need thier money, I will survive on my own!

Emmzi

Think about how you can give friends an investment of time.

Hand made cards cost a few pence for materials, and count as presents :-)

tyllwyd

It's totally your decision how to spend your money - you didn't forget your friend's birthday, and she is an adult who is (I assume) earning her own money. Personally, I think it is the height of bad manners to make comments that make someone feel uncomfortable for not buying you a present. If my school-age children do something like that, I make it very clear to them that it is not acceptable to EXPECT presents as a right, and I think she is old enough to have learnt that for herself by now!

beanielou

I struggle with this one too but now just wont put myself into further debt to buy presents that I cant afford.
I stay in a community where quite a few folk have a lot of money.I think part of the difficulty is that other peoples idea of being hard up is very difficult to mine.This may also be the case in in the case of your friend.Maybe she cant really understand what its like to be v hard up?drop her a note to explain - that will most likely help.
May is a difficult month with a few bdays so will see soon enough peoples reaction to much smaller or even no gifts.that might be interesting for me.

rchddap1

The people who really count in my life would understand if I had to do this. Afterall its the friend that important and not how many gifts you can get off them.

Anastacia

Morning
I think I would go for mentioning up front if I was moving from present buying for occasions to not, else its just confusing.
My friend & I always gave each others children £10 for their birthday & one day she just gave my son £5. I wasnt sure if he had upset her or something and she was going to give £10 for the other one, so why not just say £10 is getting a bit pricey, lets go with £5.(or nothing, or a bar of choclate or whatever)
When I stopped doing Christmas cards I told everyone first, that way they can choose to do the same or not. Thats worked really well though and i have quite a few converts these days.

I do think you are right not to waste your money though, just think i'd prefer if i had it mentioned to me up front.

Best Wishes
Panda