Do any of you have any experience of....

Chrismojam

I know my answer has to be no.........I just have a real problem in putting myself before others..........its always been the other way around..........its only quite recently that I'm trying to do this.........and it must be because I'm programmed to do the opposite or something........because I don't find it easy at all........I hate disappointing people (including myself)...but I always put myself last :rolleyes: .....well I USED TO.........ok still getting used to that one!

tesuhoha:

tesuhoha wrote:

ive got a brother like that ...his wife has bipolar depression......his son suffers from depression too...your partner will probably have something to say about it.....

My brother suffers with depression as well (and my mother has bi-polar since about 1970).....brother's given up a lot in the past 5/6 months ...alcohol (had to.....on meds to stop him - another long story)....ciggies (although smoking 'something else' now apparently? coffee (was up to 18/20 cups a day....was told this is equivalent to taking heroin by a drugs counselor You don't sound hard or unsympathetic at all...........you've only said what I thought the minute I heard off him....(albeit by text)

piglet:

piglet6 wrote:

....you have to put yourself and your own family needs first...............Piglet

I know.........I don't think its the best time for them to move or for me to take him in..............couldn't take the whole family.......blimey!!!..........wouldn't mind the rottwieller (don't mean the wife by the way ) but the rest of 'em

They've just found out that their youngest son may be autistic aswell..........poor kid....and I don't mean because he's autistic......more because he has them as parents....which really angers me as if they took more notice and responsibility as parents these things could have been spotted a long time ago.........when their 2nd youngest was about 18mths (now 10) me and my sister told them something wasn't quite right.......she doesn't seem to be hearing properly.........can't make out words etc only making noises when she wants something.......and they would just give her what they thought she wanted..........we were told ...'oh they are only kids.........blah blah.........let them be kids as long as possible.......blah'...needless to say.........she has hearing/sight/learning difficulties....

rachelmk:

rachelmk wrote:

..........IF you weren't good enough for him and his family before they are just taking advantage of you and maybe emotionally blackmailing you........probably won't contact you from one month to the next....

I think they have burnt their bridges with so many people that they are trying everyone again in the hope that 'everything has been forgotten'.......people have long memories.........which is why he will find it difficult to get anyone on side who is actually willing to help...emotional blackmail......funny you should say that..he has so many of the same 'qualities' as my mother....emotional blackmail being the main one!!......contact from one month to the next..........only when they want something...........

lynzpower:

lynzpower wrote:

Does depend on where they are moving from and to in fairness, and what thier prospects for employment are...If thier calculations stack up they at least have to factor in the cost of renting somewhere in the interim in any case....tells me they want to crash with you to save themselves some money...Lynz
x

moving from Oxfordshire to Liverpool area...on £24k now (ex RAF.....civvy but basically still RAF...on camp etc.....).....same job (in Manchester) about £15/16K or so apparently....wife not working at mo (ok a few hours a week).....up here she would probably get a job in a shop...with regard to renting........DO YOU KNOW MY BROTHER or something????LOL!! he would so not think of paying me any rent........after all...he would have to send money 'home'.....

nearlyrich:

nearlyrich wrote:

I think a lot of people think if they move up north they will solve all their problems......I agree that wages are usually lower in the North so they may be getting out of the frying pan into the fire.

So true, but try explaining this to my brother.............he's just like my mum....there is no talking sense to him......

Emmzi:

Emmzi wrote:

I would be ever so helpful and send them the local paper properties to let section, the flatshare web site address, and the tourist board list of b&bs, along with your firm statement that he can't stay....Could yours cope with being the 'bad' cop for the sake of family peace?

LOL!!! I have already been in touch with the Council and a couple of Housing associations about waiting lists etc (3/4 years :eek: )......blow that.....bizarrely......although I hate disappointing people.......when I have to I will be straight with them (OK it may take me a while to work up the courage... ....but I couldn't 'hide' behind other half........after all it was my decision to say no before I'd ever mentioned it to him....

sammy115:

sammy115 wrote:

I think you have to say...that for the sake of your future relationship the answer is no....Sam

I would say this but I don't want bro making out that OH is 'the problem' in stopping me helping....and I think he would...

Tondella:

Tondella wrote:

It'll be hard to tell him no, but not as hard as having to ask him and his family to leave when it turns into the disaster that you know it will.......

You are all right.......and have only said everything that has gone over in my head over the past few days.........

How sad is this..........I got the text last Thursday...........haven't replied yet...........was thinking if I replied to his text he might call me.........and I don't want to have the conversation!!

Thought I was working up the courage last night....then I thought I'll just check in with my sister first..........2 hours later I figured it was too late to call...procastinating much

Emmzi

Well... deciding to take no action is also a decision...

Can I just say.. he asked you by TEXT???? Blimey! I think a biggie like that deserves more than the 160 character limit!!

Chrismojam

Emmzi wrote:

....Can I just say.. he asked you by TEXT???? Blimey! I think a biggie like that deserves more than the 160 character limit!!

lol!!! See what I mean about a strained or shakey relationship to start with!!! I can either take this one of two ways.........he either feels too awkward to ask me outright...and asking me by text is easier.........or he's done this to a number of people he knows up here and he's just putting 'the idea' out there and seeing who comes back tom him........GOOD LUCK ON THAT BRO!

tesuhoha

You said that he would be sending money home. Does that mean he'll be staying here and the family will be up North. As you have nowhere for him to sleep, you could try asking him where does he think you can put him? Maybe you could say something like, no you cant stay here, but id be willing to pay you a bit if you help me out with the house. That is, if hes any good at renovation it might help to improve your relationship. Just a suggestion that probably isnt practical but if he's working in your house he might come to understand your situation better.

tipsychick

I can't believe he asked you by text!

Just text back NO!