Falling again

fairydiamond

I was debt free in May and now I've started falling back again because my hours at work have been cut over summer and I am back into town buying things I don't really want or need.

I don't even know why I'm doing it, but I feel so down and sad that I just keep spending.

How do other people deal with it? I'm getting married in October and we are having fertility treatment at the minute which is stressing me out.

I just don't want to get trapped again with money. Help!!

Plus I am constantly worried about my partner.

bank_of_slate

Hi Fairy,
Why are you constantly worried about your partner?

One of the best things to do is avoid the shops which avoids the temptation.
Enter free competitions and do paid surveys instead (see the up your income board)

Keep aspending diary and log every penny that you spend, this is often quite an eye opener.

The stress will not be doing you any favours whilst you're going through fertility treatment will it hun?

Post regularly on the trying for a baby/fertility threads on the marriage/family/relationships board for the support of others who are also going through fertility!
...Linda xx

fairydiamond

Thanks Linda, I feel a bit better now.

I'm constantly worried about him because he was diagnoed with cancer in December at the grand old age of 23. He's ok at the minute, but I'm scared of it coming back and I hate having to deal with the check ups, scans, blood tests and worrying. I think thats why I spend so much and always want to buy him things!

Yes you're right the stress doesn't help fertility, been trying for 3 years so I need to stop the stressing.

A spending diary is a good idea, I will give it a go. Thanks.

bank_of_slate

Hi, sorry to hear that, what type of cancer is it? was it caught early and what's the prognosis?
...Linda xx

fairydiamond

It was testicular cancer, 100% Embryonal carcinoma, one of the most agressive types.

It was caught very early, he went to the doctors a week after finding the lump after a lot of pressure from me. God only knows what would've happend if he hadn't.

It didn't spread, he's doing really well. All check ups show no sign of it coming back, and I hope it never does. It doesn't stop me worrying though, its always in the back of my mind.

I still maintain that we need some kind of councelling or just something because I'm sure its making me behave the way I do.

Pollycat

Hi
I'm sorry to hear about your reduced hours, increased spending and your partner's health (hopefully, it's the end of it).

You might like to take a look at this to help with counselling:
http://www.cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/TypesWeb/Testicular%20Cancer?OpenDocument

How is your partner doing?

Will your hours increase after the summer?
If so, it's just (Ha! Easy for me to say, I know) a case of hanging on until your hours increase again.
It would be such a shame to fall off the DF wagon, especially as you're hoping to start a family.

Wishing you all the best.

anh1904

I sense a deep rooted psychological need that you seem to have linked spending and materialism with shows of love?
I believe there are many ways you can overcome this, from reading up background material through to self-hypnosis.

The link between materially giving as a means of expressing love is one I have somehow foolishly implanted in my daughter (who I love to bits, but was always buying her things when she was young, and now she seems to think she needs to buy people things to express her love for them - which would be fine if she could afford it!)

Maybe it is society as a whole that creates this mythical link?

Too deep for this time in a morning, sorry.

bank_of_slate

Well I can't follow that!!!!!!

...Linda xx

moneymakestheworldgoround

Hi

I dont know anything about your history or journey this far, so I apologise in advance if I am way off !

In times of trouble, disruption and worry, people need to feel they are doing something , even in times when you have no control of events. Hence the spending on things as a way of showing you are doing something practical and caring. In fact, creating memories and special times together should be in order now. You have had a scare, and I cannot imagine how that must feel or what went through your mind. But you have a good understanding at how short life can be. Forget the dining room table, spread a blanket on the lounge floor and eat a meal of toast and tea together. Forget buying gifts and things, make a silly card, or a stupid toothbrush holder from tissue paper and cardboard toilet rolls !! You get the drift - dont spend, but invest some time and effort into doing silly things together to put the magic back into life.

I am not in the fortunate position to be debt free, so I can only base my opinions on what I have read on here. But it seems a large number of debt free people suddenly panic when the planning and control has gone and they are now in the money !! This can lead to a lot of people overspending again. The thing that seems to work most is using the same determination for saving. Could you start saving for the possible new baby, or a holiday together or something in the future you could focus on together? I assume you are saving for the wedding or is it all paid up?

I appreciate this next bit is easy for me to say but you need to focus on the positives. Cancer was caught early on.:T You two must now have a strong relationship after going through this. :TYou havent lost your job completely, although its not ideal ! :TYou are getting married !! :TYou have the chance at fertility treatment which from what I have read is not a given to everyone so you have done well ! :T You have been sensible enough to realise you are potentially in a vunerable situation with regards to spending so you will be nipping this in the bud early on :T

Do you have friends and family around to support you?

jwil

Hi fairydiamond,

Just wanted to post to say I know how you feel. My hubbie was diagnosed with testicular cancer 5 years ago now, just after we got together. He had ignored the lump for nearly a year :eek: until I cajoled him into visiting the docs. He had it removed, and luckily needed no further treatment. He now only needs I think one more check up until he gets the all clear:j

It is really worrying and stressful, but the good news is that TC has a recovery rate of 95% if caught on time, so all being well your OH will be fine, especially as it hasn't spread.

I would say the best thing you can do is spend time together, it is much more valuable than shopping and buying things for each other. It doesn't have to cost a lot, go for a walk, have a picnic, snuggle up on the sofa with a DVD.

I used to spend all the time to make me feel better (and I'm still not 100% perfect), but I've come to the conclusion now that I don't want lots of 'stuff', I want the memories of the good times and the fun experiences we have together.

Congratulations on the imminent wedding, hopefully that is something to look forward to, and not too stressful for you either.

Best wishes
Jwil

bank_of_slate

Hi Fairy, come back and let us know how you're doing?
...Linda xx