Children, mobile phones and parental differences.

jellyhead

aliasojo wrote: »

I wont compromise my principles just to avoid my daughter some embarrassment. There's no point in standing up for what you believe if you're just going to give in over something like that. (Imo )

I suppose so. My son's not very good with social skills etc. so I'd let him take the phone because he wouldn't know what to say if the others teased him about it, and he's short on friends so is grateful if anyone calls for him - I wouldn't want the couple of kids who speak to him outside of school to drift away. I know that's rubbish of me. He's being assessed again for autism. I won't compromise on things like playing violent games such as GTA at a ridiculously young age, but if he really was the only one without a phone then I'd reconsider, to ease his path socially. I know most parents don't need to do that.

Did you say your daughter was 9? I only have boys, and nobody had a mobile phone at age 9. The girls around here seem much more interested in them, whereas the boys just see them as something that gives them the freedom to roam around and get a phone call when dinner is ready

You often walk past groups of girls standing in the street and they're all on their phones - I don't get it, why not just talk to each other

aliasojo

Yes, she's 9. It's just a 'kid' thing generally up here. Boys and girls equally seem to have them. I thought it was the usual 'everyone's got one Mum' ......but everyone does really seem to have one. :rotfl:

pipkin71

My DDs have mobile phones, and have done since young.

I do think this is a matter of personal choice as some parents will want their children to have them, others wont. No right or wrong imo.

DDs even have gadgets in their rooms - none of which is due to peer pressure, and neither does it stop us spending quality time together as a family.

Each to their own really

Agree with you aliasojo, that you should stand up for your principles, as backing down would send your daughter the wrong signal.

jellyhead

Similarly I know some parents who won't allow their kids to have nintendo DS because it ruins their brains and turns them into slack-jawed rude, ignorant, lazy creatures.

I know kids who gaze at them all day and react with anger to any suggestion that they put them down and go outside to play, or even a suggestion that they put them down and come to the table for a meal. I see kids who take them on visits to family, even on the bus which is less than a half hour journey. Some of the kids we know are glued to them and don't seem to know how to do anything else.

We've got one for long journeys though. It sits in a drawer most of the time. If my children were glued to it all day I'd see a need to get rid of it, but it's used occasionally - it doesn't dominate anyone's life.

I can see why some people would have phones for their child's occasional use. Not all kids are glued to it, texting their friends all day instead of walking to their houses and speaking to them instead.

If I thought my kids were going to withdraw from normal life and become robots with glazed-eyes then I'd bin the DS, but occasional use seems fine. Same with mobiles, if my son used his the way that the girls around here seem to then I'd want rid of it.

Spendless

9 years old seems to be the 'kick in' age for a phone here too. I'd say DS peers divide into 3 groups, the ones that aren't allowed anywhere without an adult, those that are only allowed to 1 or 2 different places near to their home and those that are allowed further, the first two groups don't have phones from what I've seen.

There is a little girl who comes to play with my children who is a 'wanderer'. I've helped her family look for her at least twice when she's gone AWOL. She's almost 9, she misses being in my son's school year by 1 day. She doesn't have a phone, maybe she needs one, though I think she needs boundaries setting far more.

looby75

after an experience I had tonight I wish more people gave their kids phones.....I could use them to phone the parents to tell them that their child is being a rude little sod :mad:

Savvy_Sue

jellyhead wrote: »

My son loses everything anyhow. He now keeps his phone and key looped around his bike handlebar, which is useless when it's left in someone's garden and we're trying to call him back for dinner :rolleyes: He seems unable to zip up bags or pockets, so everything falls out. He wouldn't notice if a phone fell out of his pocket.

You can get lanyards to hang them round their neck though, which would be better, and I don't think it's too uncool: I'm sure I've seen some adults do this. Also if he has belt loops on his trousers, you can get dog lead type clips to attach them to those. Or DS1 used to clip something like that to his trouser pocket, without going through the fabric. Slightly more secure.

jellyhead wrote: »

He doesn't notice the time, so telling him to be back at 6 is useless, but setting a timer would make him look too babyish I think. A phone's a good idea, if he keeps it with him.

Setting a reminder on a phone can just sound like a text message though, so that's not TOO babyish, is it? I couldn't function without the reminders on my phone, I set them for everything!

aliasojo wrote: »

I thought it was the usual 'everyone's got one Mum' ......but everyone does really seem to have one. :rotfl:

Well, you already know that you're not Everyone Else's Mum, and presumably so does your daughter! :rotfl:

looby75 wrote: »

after an experience I had tonight I wish more people gave their kids phones.....I could use them to phone the parents to tell them that their child is being a rude little sod :mad:

Sadly you'd probably be accused of theft or assault if you tried to get it off them to make the call. Or trying to groom them if you so much as asked for their home phone number.

looby75

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Sadly you'd probably be accused of theft or assault if you tried to get it off them to make the call. Or trying to groom them if you so much as asked for their home phone number.

very true.....unfortunately for this child her grandparents live in my street and I'll be having a chat with them tomorrow.

*Louise*

aliasojo wrote: »

I want to make clear that I am not making any comment about parents who give young children mobile phones. That's their choice and completely their own business.

However, my personal opinion for my own children is (and always was) that they do not need a phone at a young age and I don't want them to have one. I think children grow up far too fast as it is and a primary school kid with a phone (unless specifically needed for some reason) is just daft.

My youngest is very unhappy about this as all the girls she plays with, have phones and have done since they were 7 or 8. Naturally she feels the odd one out. I have some sympathy but not enough to compromise my principles.

Today, one of her friends has just offered her (with her parents blessing) her old phone. Can you imagine how much of an absolute baddie I am now saying no thank you? :rolleyes:

Kids in primary school dont have their own money to fund top ups, yet loads of kids have got a phone nonetheless. It's bad enough keeping mine and OH's phone topped up without having to pay for a 9 year old to talk drivel every day to friends she sees every day and who live beside her. :rolleyes:

There should be a law that states no primary age child should be allowed a phone.

/rant off.

I totally agree with you

My 9 year old asked for a phone and I told him no chance. I will let him have one when he goes to high school, for safety reasons because I can't be there. (And any internet access will be blocked on it)

I am never ceased to be amazed at the content some teenagers have on their mobiles. I'm a youth worker and once caught a small gaggle of 14 year old boys crowded round a phone. I wasn't surprised to discover they were watching a !!!!!! video, but it was the fact it was EXTREMELY hard core. :eek:(of course I merely raised an eyebrow when the phone was handed over and I stopped the video - don't want them thinking I'm shockable)

Aside from that - the possibility of text bullying, theft, caelessness, massive bills/no money for emergency calls cos they're wasted credits etc - I'd rather hold off until he is a little more mature.

aliasojo

Spendless wrote: »

9 years old seems to be the 'kick in' age for a phone here too. I'd say DS peers divide into 3 groups, the ones that aren't allowed anywhere without an adult, those that are only allowed to 1 or 2 different places near to their home and those that are allowed further, the first two groups don't have phones from what I've seen.

It's probably the same here Spendless. I'd put daughter in the middle group, she's allowed out to play but she has an area she's allowed to play within, if she crosses the boundary then she's grounded. So far the threat has been enough. A huge percentage of the kids here are allowed so much freedom it's scary.

*Louise* wrote: »

I am never ceased to be amazed at the content some teenagers have on their mobiles. I'm a youth worker and once caught a small gaggle of 14 year old boys crowded round a phone. I wasn't surprised to discover they were watching a !!!!!! video, but it was the fact it was EXTREMELY hard core.

Aside from that - the possibility of text bullying, theft, caelessness, massive bills/no money for emergency calls cos they're wasted credits etc - I'd rather hold off until he is a little more mature.

My thoughts too. We all moan that society is going to the drain and the kids today are this, that or the other.....but we do little about tackling the causes. Dont get me wrong, I'm not saying mobiles are the root of all evil :rotfl: but would 'happy slapping' have gained momentum if kids didn't have phones? Would bullies be able to torment their victims in their own homes without mobiles? I think maturity or lack of it, is the key thing tbh.

Did anyone see the documentary on tv a couple of months back about teenagers who were made to give up their phones, laptops, tv's in their rooms, make up, jewellery etc and made to live without them for a period? They all kicked off and moaned and cried etc but by the end of it, they were all happier, calmer kids who got on better with their parents and improved at school. They interacted more with people around them and were less irritable.

Im not saying I want to be a 'Walton' but we moan that kids grow up too fast these days.....and then help them do it by buying them gadgets aimed at older peeps.

Today's quiet 9 year old is tomorrow's unruly teenager you know. :D

Sorry, I got carried away there.