Useless

Redcap

Please bear with me as this is the first time I am posting something on the net.
I don't know where to start.My husband always says I am useless

Me:I am a full time mom.Left my job(low income) after the birth of my second child.I dont drive.Sit at home all the time with my kids.

DH:Breadwinner + take care of all finances.
No mater what I do he is never happy.He asks me to go and die or leave the house.I am so scared to do so .Donno what to do with my 2 little children.

weary

he sounds charming do you have any friends or family you could talk too

Marcheline

Hi redcap, what a horrible situation to be in. Your husband is totally wrong to treat you in such a way. This site might point you in the right direction and they may be able to offer you emotional and practical support http://www.refuge.org.uk/ on how you can move forward in your situation.

good luck, you don't deserve to be treated so badly.

Edited to add; if you feel like you don't know what to do with your children on a day to day basis, then it might also be useful to contact your local Sure Start centre http://www.dcsf.gov.uk/everychildmatters/earlyyears/surestart/fundedsettings/childrenscentresmap/ as it will get you out of the house and they have free activities available for children

Reggie_Rebel

You aren't useless, useless does not bring up two children and keep a house.

He's frightened. He's lucky to have you and knows it. This is his way of keeping your confidence low and therefore you won't leave him, that's what frightens him, the fact that you are, in his eyes, too good for him.

Either that or he is a total !!!!! head

littlenicki

First off - you are not useless, never let anyone tell you different. You are raising your children and dedicating your time to them, this is something many women wish they were able to do.

Secondly - The kind of things your husband is saying to you border on abuse, albeit not physical or sexual but instead emotional and psychological which can be just as serious.

Please seek some kind of help. Do you have a close friend or family member that you could go and stay with? Maybe by leaving, your husband will realise what he has lost and change his ways, or maybe he wont and in that case then i think you really need to think about whether this man is someone you want to live with and be your childrens role model.

I hope things get better soon

amalis

maybe you should consider taking driving lessons to be a little bit more independent?
look, i also dont drive and my husband from time to time is getting annoyed that I need him to go to shop or smthg like that. I just dont take it close to my heart.
What exactly your husband is not happy with? If you are useless, what he wants you to be useful for? is it driving or dfamily income or cooking or what exactly he wants?

Redcap

Thanks every one for their replies.Unfortunately I donot have any close friends whom I can talk to.My family is far away and I dont want then to know I am going through this.
I do cooking,cleaning,washing..etc Also have started to take driving lessons.He wants it to be completed before sept.I have been on the road with my instructor, but when I go with my husband he curses me all the time saying that I dont apply the brake,clutch etc correctly.By the time we comeback I feel so far I havent learnt anything.And if I say to him he is abusing, he says if he doesn not abuse I dont do it right and on time.This is just one thing...
I am happy that finally I managed to write something.It gives me great relief.Thanks once again for all the support

amalis

was he always like this? maybe he is just going through hard times...

WASHER

I don't drive, I have two children, but I certainly don't sit at home all day with the children. You can go out to the park etc. Driving is an expense I can do without, if shopping is becoming a chore, Internet shop for your groceries.

In my opinion your post sounds like you may need a wee chat to your GP, and tell your husband you are not going to learn in his car again. He may be stressed with work etc but that is not an excuse for his behaviour, speak to him and tell him you will not tolerate his attitude, go to a friends house for a night or two without the children and he'll soon be begging you to come home and may well appreciate you more.

WASHER

yoni_one

((Redcap))

Firstly let me say well done on posting something on the net. It takes a lot of guts taking that first step, I really hope that this will now lead to you getting some good support and not feeling so isolated.

I work for Women's Aid and based upon what you have told us you are in an abusive relationship and can access professional support from one of the agencies (domestic violence and abuse is much much more than physical violence, in fact often there is never physical violence, yet that does not mean there is no reason to feel scared.)

The link to Womens's Aid website is www.womensaid.org.uk from there you should be able to find your local Domestic Violence and Abuse support centre. We support women and children regardless of whether they want to leave or stay in the relationship.

Also have a quick look at this chapter from the booklet called 'Living with The Dominator' http://content.yudu.com/Library/A191a9/LivingwiththeDominat/resources/index.htm?referrerUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yudu.com%2Fitem%2Fdetails%2F65577%2FLiving-with-the-Dominator---A-book-about-the-Freedom-Programme-by-Pat-Craven

You may recognise at least some of this abusive behaviour in your own relationship. If you think it might help you can download the booklet for £5.

There is lots of support out there for women in your position and believe me, you are not alone in being treated this way and I fully understand why you feel you feel scared.

You do not need to go through this alone.

Please let me know if you would like any further information or just want to talk further.

Take care xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Take the kids whilst he is out being so bl**** perfect and leave him. Wishing you would die is abuse - plain and simple. And quite threatening, too.