Alcoholic Son!!!!

lemontree

May I thank you all for your support. It is a relief to discuss this problem as I would feel disloyal if I discussed my Son with other family members. The only people who know are my partner and my other 2 children. They think that as 3 years help have produced absolutely no results it is about time I let him stand on his own 2 feet but to do this I will have to keep him away from my house as once he is in upset, crying and asking for help I cannot turn him out and he knows this.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Just like wife batterers, drinkers will always manipulate, cry, say their sorry, ask for help, won't do it again. And they surely won't, until the next time and the time after that.
Not turning him away is going to make you feel better, and we all want that, but it's not going to help him in any way, shape or form. Only you can decide what's most important, you feeling better in yourself because you've helped again, or him understanding he can no longer rely on you and has to take responsbility for himself. He's 40 years old, old enough to be a grandad, old enough to be giving you any support that you need. If this time you refuse to help him your partner and children may wholeheatedly support you and make it easier for you to stand firm.
I hope I don't sound harsh, my intention is to be quite blunt because I believe you're entitled to honesty. You're between a rock and a hard place, only you can choose what to do but whatever you decide your actions will have an impact on all the members of your family and how you feel about each other, not just on your son.
I think from your post you know what you need to do, you can see that the help you've given him over the last three years hasn't helped. Tell your partner how you will help your son this time, he'll either agree or disagree, but why not make it clear to your son that he can only visit you when your partner is with you? You're entitled to your son's respect for your wishes.