Older Brother Jelousy??

karenx

Hoping you can help me out with some tips on what to do etc!!

4 days ago I had a little baby boy and now my older son who is 5 has started playing up, always being naughty etc to get attention. Iv put this down to jelousy as he was never like this before and I think he is feeling a bit left out as the baby gets alot of attention from everyone and its taken some attention away from him.
I was a single parent for 3 years so he was always used to it being just me and him. Then I got together with a new partner and although it took him a wee while to get used to it he then wasnt bothered that there was someone else with us. When we all got a house together I was a little worried how he would be but he wasnt bothered about it! He loved the fact that there was someone else in the house with us.
When I fell pregnant he loved it too, it was all he spoke about. And he would go round telling anybody and everybody who would listen to him!
I gave birth on tuesday and that night at home we had alot of visitors and I could tell from then he was a bit jelous. Usually when someone came in the house he would get involved too but everyone came to see the baby and hold him etc.
The other day I took him aside in his room and we spent about half an hour talking, I explained that just because there is a baby there it doesnt mean he isnt loved. Its just that the baby needs a little more attention as he cant do anything for himself yet. And that he would still get time with me too. He seemed to understand.
But yesterday and today he has been acting up non stop, not listening to me. And doing things he knows he shouldnt. Like turning his tv up loud, shouting, and running away from me in the shops. I know its just so he can get some attention from me and I really dont know what to do. I dont like shouting at him or getting him into trouble as I know he is a good boy.

Has anybody got any tips as to how to help him get out of this stage? Iv told him that once a week we can go out and do something together just the 2 of us so Im hoping that might help him. But Im lost on what to do

sooz

Congratulations!
Having spent 5 years as an only child, & now having a 4 day old baby brother, it's not suprising that there is a little jealously. It wouldn't be normal if he didn't feel jealous
Have any of your guests been paying him any attention? Did anyone think to bring a gift for him as well as the new baby? If you haven't already, I'd buy him a nice gift from his little brother. That always goes down well.

And make sure you keep a stash of small wrapped gifts at home for him, so if someone comes with something for the baby, he gets something too. It doesn't have to be big, but a little something to unwrap, even if it is just a cheap toy car out of a larger pack, or a pack of sweets or stickers. But the wrapping is important (especially to a 5 year old!)

At 5 he's old enough to understand & communicate, so atleast you don't have the accompanying tantrums a younger child would have. Is he willing to help...bringing nappies, burp cloths etc. Can agree that when you feed baby, he can cuddle up next to you and read a book with you, or watch a favourite cartoon.
It's still very early days for you to go out & do stuff alone with him, unless you are feeling up to it. Perhaps you can plan things that you can do with him, & the baby too...who will be quite happy to be pushed around in a buggy?

jack*tigger

Congrats !! My DS is 6 years older than DD. So he was a little jealous of her. Mostly 'cops she got lots of cuddles (I was breast feeding) and she got to sleep in our room. I explained about both and told him she would be in her own room soon.

Then we made big brother to be the most important job in the house and baby a nuisance. E.g. "Oh no baby has poo'd again - can you get me the changing mat ?". We also bathed DD with DS - ha had the job of holding her head on his lap whilsy I washed her. Again with lots of positive language - "I couldn't do this without you" etc. And when DD was asleep, DS got all the attention.

Good luck !

UKTigerlily

When people visit the baby, is the older one the one to take them & show them his new brother? Do they talk to him, maybe ask him about his brother & tell him how helpful he is & that you couldn't do without him etc? The gift idea is good too, as is doing something just you & him. Congratulations on the baby too! (Ohh & you can buy congratulations on becoming a brother cards, not sure where from, but maybe someone could buy him one?)