How can we afford to separate?

s@sha

Please, is there anyone who can tell me where to get advice about this?

After several years of gradually worsening problems within our relationship, I have reached a point where I think my husband & I will not be able to live together much longer, and have no option left but to separate. We have a 4 year old son & naturally want him to suffer as little as possible.

It may sound stupid, but I literally have no idea where to start & how we can afford to do it.

My husband works full time, earns about £24, 000 and we have a mortgage of £72,000 which is in joint names. Our house is probably worth double this, allowing for the current climate.

I however, have no job and thus no earnings of my own. I am disabled, for which I receive the lower-rate care component of DLA, and I am on long-term Incapacity Benefit. This is the only money I have of my own coming in, and this is what I would have to live on.

Neither my husband or I have anyone we can go to stay with, even for a short time. I cannot see how either of us could afford to stay in our current house while the other finds somewhere else. If I stayed here with my son, there is no way I could afford the mortgage & bills on my own, and if my husband had to find somewhere else to live, he couldn't afford to contribute.

I just don't understand how people in my financial position can afford to part. What do I do?

Fruity1

I don't have an answers regarding your finances other than possibly citizens advice. But having left my hubby last year I wanted to send you a BIG HUG and say that if you do separate life does get better and children do adjust well.
TC.

iolanthe07

Could you not have some help with your relationship rather than separating? I believe Relate are very good at helping people with reconciliation -after all, you must have loved each other once, and it would be so much better for your little boy (as well as your finances!) if you could stay together.

jacqhale

I was in the same situation last year - we barely spoke at all and things were so bad that I nearly walked out. Luckily I could go back to my parents for a short time if I needed to but I was too scared of admitting 'failure' and also of the impact on my son. One of the main reasons I stayed was probably because of finances but we did go to relate and things are so much better. We have the odd hiccup but we have the tools to resolve it.
Maybe it's too late for that but it's worth considering??
Best of luck with whatever you decide and don't put off something because of fear, things will work out for the best I'm sure.

floss2

Re your personal financial situation, look on https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see exactly what you would receive, what tax credits you may be entitled to and other benefits such as housing or council tax benefits.

Have you considered selling the house, paying off the mortgage, splitting the equity and renting somewhere for you & your son to live?

You may also be able to come to some agreement with your partner by mediation.

sonsbear

Marriage Care (I think) is supposed to be really good and cheaper than Relate.

It is catholic but don't be put off because it is only run by the church not a preach thing.

You can go by yourself if you like to either. You could check them both out!

My friend the atheist (!) chose the church one and sex was an issue in their marriage and the church one was the least inhibited.

Although, of course, a lot depends on your counsellor and the rapport you build up.

My husband wouldn't go but I really feel it would be a terrible shame if you didn't get some help.

My divorce is proving very acrimonious and it didn't start out that way it started out 'amicable' kind of and as it was adultery should have been straight forward but it isn't now. It's terrible for my children too.

Pee

It would be worth speaking to a solicitor, a free half hour interview, to get some idea of where you would stand. Other than that, I agree any effort to save your relationship should be attempted and the answer is that you will probably be entitled to benefits, and that website will help.

If you really want to do it, it can be afforded, but you will probably be better off if you can stay together.