Leaving toddler with child care. Very nervous!

New_Start_2009

hello

I am having to work different hours which will involve leaving my 16 month old with a child care provider for the 1st time ever. Before my husband (soon to be EX) had them whilst i worked and vice versa.

I have never ever left my children with anyone else before (apart from older ones at school) and am very nervous about doing so. My 16 month old is a mummys girl and is extremly shy.

How do you mums and dads get over these nerves. I feel so quilty but i have to work now and dont want to live on benefits.

patanne

It's never easy when first having to leave a child alone with someone you don't really know. It doesn't get easier either the more times you have to try a new one. It is amazing though how much the child, as young as it is, can indicate their acceptance of the new person that is looking after them. You have to be aware of what they are showing you. Are they awake too long when they are back with you - they are spending too much time sleeping - not a good sign. Are the other children being cared for smiling, happy looking - a good sign. Bruises - what a large issue - no bruises in a child that young means they are doing absolutely nothing - too many bruises - are they being watched enough. The really bad news is it doesn't get any better even when they are in their teens. You just have to trust YOUR judgement, keep your eyes open and listen to your child young as it is and probably not communicating too well as yet but communication isn't all language. I hope this helps! Please TRY not to worry too much - now that's a truly stupid thing to say cos of course you will. Let us know how you get on.

mark13

Our 13 mnth old has been going to nursery one day a week for the last few weeks. She still cries when I drop her off, and pick her up, but other than that she seems fine. The last time I peeked in before I picked her up and she was sitting round the tiny table in a tiny chair eating tiny sandwiches with her tiny friends.... cute... still feel guilty though..... good luck.

New_Start_2009

Thank you both :T. i am soooo nervous about it I have actually been looking at a nursery in our local sure start centre as i have taken my little one to the sessions that they run in the building but hasnt been in the nursery part.

chumbasmum

I do feel for you. I remember my now 5year old going to nursery when he was 10 months old. I was devastated and would have done anything to have had a lump sum handed to me so I could have quit a good job.

My child often cried when I dropped him off/hung onto my leg etc and there was more than once I left the nursery in tears.

My coping method tended to be a determination that it will be OK and that my part-time job was important to all of the family - in terms of my mental health, being a happy mum for the time that we did spend together and a nice home.

He is now in school. I talked to him the other day about going to nursery and he had no recollection of being unhappy/crying when we left. It somehow had made no lasting impression on him. I was quite shocked - it seems I had had longer trauma!!

I read something the other day that children don't seem to have long term problems with working parents but have more of a problem if parents are stressed with the time that they are at home. My advice would be that it will be Ok and that try and have a lovely time with you child when you are together.
Good luck

milliebear00001

Aw I really feel for you because I'm having something similar at the moment with my youngest. He's 3 in November and very shy and very fond of his mummy! I scoured round for a nursery I felt happy with. I asked all of them one question - how would you settle a very shy child? I chose the one who answered most appropriately. My nursery immediately said they would put in place a free programme over several weeks where my LO could do an hour each day - first with me attending with him, then gradually cutting down the time I stayed and increasing the time he spent there. They also hve an 'open door' policy where parents can enter at any time. Two weeks in and he's just started to do two hours each day. He was upset to begin with, but now seems much happier (although still says he doesn't want to go). No tears today at all (I think cos he knows I'll be back!) and was playing much more happily when I collected him.

I'd suggest you look round as many carers as you can and see what answers they give to your questions. It won't be easy, but a really professional setting will make everything as easy for you and your child as they can.

mummy_Jay

I've always used childminders rather than a nursery, before my DS started school they were brilliant (I had to go back to work when he was only 3 months old)they kept a diary daily so I knew not only when and what he ate (and pooed) but also what he did. I found with a childminder where they have smaller number of children and all of differing ages, the other children took my boy under their wings and the when he first started the child minds had no problem if I want to phone or text in the day to see how he was they really understood how nerous a mum gets when they have to leave their little one with someone new. Being with a childmind gave my boy a second family and a lot of confidence and I think really helped him when it came to starting playschool and school, it was less of a shock to the system for him.
What ever childcare you choice before you start back at work try and give your little one an hour/morning with them and see how they cope. I have to warn you when they are that small they do cry when you leave them at first and it breaks your heart but they are normally fine after your gone and this is where being able to phone up and check in helps.

pinkpig08

I felt guilty when I had to leave my now 6 year old with a childminder. I chose a childminder over a nursery because I wanted him to feel like he was at home. I didn't want him to still feel like he was at school in the holidays. Now he loves going. He gets excited about who else will be there, and he gets to do loads of messy stuff and I don't have to clean it up!

I have a new baby and she'll be going to the childminder too when I go back to work in April. She'll have a 4 week settling in period beforehand which the childminder doesn't charge for. I think you imagine the worst in your head, when actually once you've gone they're fine and probably don't give you a second thought because they're too busy!

Penny_Watcher

When my youngest children were toddlers I used to help to run the local playgroup (mainly because DS1 had HUGE separation anxiety issues. By the time they were resolved I was hooked ).

I was perfectly normal for the little ones to be in tears as Mum was leaving, but as soon as she'd gone it was all smiles and "what are we doing today then?" We always said that if the little one was upset for more than about 20 minutes - long enough to have a bit of a story and decide what we'd be doing that session - then we'd call Mum. But we never, ever needed to.

Your little girl will have a wonderful time. Think of all the new and exciting experiences she'll have.