living together - how to budget

Woodsylou

that makes total sense, i think that's brilliant!

Katie-Kat-Kins

Woodsylou,

Just a suggestion, as you seem to have a few concerns about the fact that you are bringing inequal assets to the table but also want to help your partner out why not do it this way;

Open a joint account, continue having your salaries paid into your single accounts, Pay all bills, shopping and "joint entertainment" like eating out together and saving for the wedding from that joint account. Work out how much you will need and agree an amount each to put in to cover all this. The left over is your spending money and money for solo expenses.

You can that way ensure that he isn't "living off you" completely but can also use your larger contribution to the joint pot to support him a bit.

Personally I think if you have always been sensible and managed to buy a house and he has racked up debts it is understandable that you are a little reluctant to just pool 100% now. You can always change this in the future.

I think it will help your relationship if your OH can see the benefit of working overtime in his own spending money and has the responsibility of ditching the debts. If he can't afford to buy clothes or DVDs or whatever then that is his problem because of the debt, but you can still do joint stuff.

It is difficult, I think I'd have concerns in your position. We are different, although DH earns much less than me now, he owns the house, he also is able to do much more housework as he works from home so it kind of evens out a bit. Neither of us had problem debts when we met. I'd never see him go hungry but also think that to some extent it is his choice to try to make a living doing something he loves that pays poorly and mine to do something I love less that pays more. There are swings and roundabouts to both situations but it is only right that I see the fruits of my hard work and am able to treat myself to nicer clothes and a decent car, an old bangar and a "limited" wardrobe are sacrfices he is prepared to make for the lifestyle he has. He wouldn't begrudge me having more spending money because he knows that without the security of my regular wage he'd be stuck in a job that makes him miserable trying to run his business evenings and weekends. It would probably work the same if we just stuck everything in one big joint account but we feel like we know where we stand better this way and don't need to consult each other over spending, or feel guilty over a big purchase.

Maybe that is just me though, I generally like to piggy bank with my finances, it makes me feel more secure, I have a separate account for my car and another one for holidays and presents, plus and ISA and a savings account, as well as our joint account for bills and joint spending.

We have loosened up on what we use the joint account for since we originally started this scheme (it evolves with your relationship) at first it was strictly the bills and the weekly food shop and we'd feel we had to justify things that were out of the ordinary to the other one. Since we have got more used to living together have built our trust and understanding we use it for more things, including if we eat out together or go to the pictures. But having our separate spending money allows us to treat the other too.

jojo2004

This is such a tricky one. I currently live with my BF, and earn almost nothing - I'm writing up my PhD, and I worked as a Graduate Teaching Fellow, earning a colossal £3000 between last October and June this year...

He knew when I moved in that until I'm finished writing up I won't have any income, or only just enough to cover my own expenses, like mobile bill and ink and paper (you may laugh, but this is one of my biggest expenses!), so he pays the rent, and bills, and food etc.

I've always found that very difficult to live with, as I don't see why I should live off him, but we know it's short term, so we opened a joint account for bills and food etc, and I contribute by making sure we have the best household budget in the world! I've changed our gas and elec supply, and I get cashback for insurance etc wherever possible, I make sure I do a weekly shop in an economical way and I try and save us money wherever possible. He's on a good income, so has never had to bother, but he loves seeing my moneysaving ways!

I think there are ways you can balance things out that aren't totally financial (he could do more housework, for example, and you could view that as "a cleaner at £7 per hour for 6 hours a week would cost £42, so he's doing that work instead, effectively netting us £42 a week - part of his contribution". Of course, it's not quite true if you don't/wouldn't ever have a cleaner, but I think things like that can help.
You have to face head on whether you are going to contribute an equal amount to a joint living space, or an equal proportion (the good ol' Communist principle - from each according to his means!), and whether you will feel resentful or not.

Good luck OP.

xxxx
p.s. gosh, what a long ramble - sorry! Got in the habit of typing these days

forestlands

Hi ya, your boyfriend has more loans and debts than you so he will have less to spend. He should only have what he can afford which may be only a tenner. My guess is the resentment has already set in, unfortunately, you should not be feeling sorry for him. You say your skint, where you skint before he moved in?

Warning bells sounded when I read your post. You are a lovely caring lady, you think a lot of your boyfriend, be careful. If your boyfriend cares about you he will want to pay his fair share even if it means he ends up with only a tenner.

Give it a few months before attempting to pool money, be sure that it's you he cares for! Have you visited iVillage UK, suggest you go there, would recommend the site for sorting out many such relationship problems.

Any thought on this subject Martin?

Good luck!

Katie-Kat-Kins

forestlands wrote: »

Warning bells sounded when I read your post. You are a lovely caring lady, you think a lot of your boyfriend, be careful. If your boyfriend cares about you he will want to pay his fair share even if it means he ends up with only a tenner.

True my DH still wants to pay half, checked the joint account the other day and there was more in there than expected. Looked back and he'd increased his standing order to match mine, despite me telling him that he didn't need to now that he is earning so much less........

He keeps wanting to know how much money he "owes me" for the wedding expenses too.

Bless him, I love that he wants to pay half and is prepared to give up other stuff to do so but I really don't expect him to and am perfectly happy to contribute more than him. Have taken to paying for other stuff for him instead, buying clothes and christmas presents for him to try and make up for it.

forestlands

Bless he is a darling! Soooo pleased for you! :j

Woodsylou

oh my OH pays as much as he can. we both have the same disposable income left at the end of the month and he always buys things for 'us' with his money, he never ever buys clothes or goes out drinking or anything like that. he'd rather spend his money on taking 'us' out for dinner or something like that. and he does way more than me in the house. my washing and ironing is always done. i do 85% of the cooking, but he does the washing up and all that. so he definitely pulls his weight.

my OH always talks about what he owes me too, and he doesn't owe me anything. i think this is just the test ground, we haven't lived together long and we're finding our feet.

Dave101t

my gf has all the bills in her name as its her house, we then spilt everything down the middle and keep a record of my payments. fairs fair

Daffykjs

My hubby gets paid a lot less than me and we now lump it all together and pay enough into the bills account to cover the bills, enough to the DMP to cover that. then we have 'pcoket money' each. i'm not sure it works entirely at the moment coz i've not really got the hang of it and i'm not really strict enough (with myself mainly). Plus hubs works away so altho i keep his weekly money for when he gets back i also end up spending more on food and other things when he's back. i think maybe when he's home permenantly it might be easier to stick to coz every week will be the same unlike now!

I think you need to set up a new account and have all bills come out of that. then pay enough into that to pay the bills. then work out how much you need for food, petrol and other things and how much purely spending money you have left and split it. altho you could do it the way someone else suggested and pay wages into the bills account and pay yourself your pocket money into other accounts from that.

is there any chance of your OH gettin a promotion or more set hours anytime soon? that sounds quite hard to handle when it's not always the same!

Woodsylou

Daffykjs wrote: »

My hubby gets paid a lot less than me and we now lump it all together and pay enough into the bills account to cover the bills, enough to the DMP to cover that. then we have 'pcoket money' each. i'm not sure it works entirely at the moment coz i've not really got the hang of it and i'm not really strict enough (with myself mainly). Plus hubs works away so altho i keep his weekly money for when he gets back i also end up spending more on food and other things when he's back. i think maybe when he's home permenantly it might be easier to stick to coz every week will be the same unlike now!

I think you need to set up a new account and have all bills come out of that. then pay enough into that to pay the bills. then work out how much you need for food, petrol and other things and how much purely spending money you have left and split it. altho you could do it the way someone else suggested and pay wages into the bills account and pay yourself your pocket money into other accounts from that.

is there any chance of your OH gettin a promotion or more set hours anytime soon? that sounds quite hard to handle when it's not always the same!

definitely, he's moving to essex police (from the Met) soonish, once he's there things will be better, and after a while he can go for his sargeants exam etc, and then money will be a lot better. things might be tight for the next 12-24months, but it'll be worth it eventually