What will happen re my son?

kittiej

Hello all.

I don't really know if I'm posting in the right place but here's my dilemma.

I had to take my son to a health centre the other day to see a specialist doctor.

The school suspected he has Aspergers and so the school nurse referred him to the doctor.

After asking me lots of questions and observing my son she said he has Aspergers but she wants him to see a speech therapist to assess his pragmatic speech ( he does tend to talk nonsense).

If he has got Aspergers what will that mean for my son?

Especially when he is older would he have help to lead an independent life, will he be able to get specific benefits or will he have to sign on like everyone else?

Sorry but I haven't got a clue and I just worry that no one will be there to take care of him later on and also what can I do to help him now ?( he's only 5 but I'm an older mum).

I'm really upset tbh because I don't understand any of this, I knew he was quirky but until someone says there is a problem with your child you just accept the quirks as part of who they are.

sarahlucy_2

Hello

I think many of your questions all depend on how your son is developmentally and whether he needs or 'qualifies' for extra help. The school should be able to assess whether he will need extra help with for example, communicating/socialising with his peers, school work, learning, reading and writing etc and self help skills. They may ask for advice from an educational psychologist - who may come into the school and observe your son. They may suggest he has individual education plans and that he needs to be taught in a way that is tailored for him. Which may just mean that he still does everything all his peers do but maybe in a more visual way or a way in which he is helped with his communication etc..

In terms of applying for benefits at this stage - perhaps you could think of Disability Living Allowance. This would usually be awarded if your son needs more help than someone else of his age. For example if he needs help with communication, writing, feeding etc..

It is extremely hard, to be honest, impossible to ascertain what help he will require in the future. With the right help and intervention he may come on greatly. There is no set rule for aspergers and some people with aspergers will not need any help in the future.

It is best to wait and see - I know its easier said then done - but at this stage it is just important to ensure he gets all the help he needs. Speech Therapy is often invaluable and he may need extra support in school. I personally would be very willing to accept any help that is offered.

HTH
Sarah

Savvy_Sue

Not a lot to add to the previous post: however there is information on Asperger's on the NAS site which may help you.

Yes, it's always a shock to begin with, even if you know there is something 'different', but once you know many things do get easier!

kittiej

Yes the school have the behaviour therapist and the psychologist has observed him too.

I know I'm probably just over reacting but I can't help worrying about him.

As long as someone gives him a set of rules he is fine but once he's on his own (eg in the playground) he becomes aggresive and boisterous and this is why I worry that when he is left to his own devices he won't be able to cope.

Savvy_Sue

kittiej wrote: »

As long as someone gives him a set of rules he is fine but once he's on his own (eg in the playground) he becomes aggresive and boisterous and this is why I worry that when he is left to his own devices he won't be able to cope.

Ah, but as he gets older he will 'learn' and remember his rules, eg that it's not OK to hurt people, and that pushing them over hurts them, for example. Hopefully you'll get help with communicating with your son, sometimes the usual ways aren't effective enough!

Also the school may need to ensure he has help in and out of the classroom, at least for a short time.

DS1 has mild AS, before we knew about it one of his teachers saw an explosion of energy from him at the end of the school day - he was really happy and excited because he saw I had his best friend's little sister with me which meant he'd get to see his best friend very shortly! She said she had NEVER seen him anything other than quiet and controlled, and was he always so lively at home? See, he knew that at school you had to be quiet and listen, but at the end of every day he just let it all out! :rotfl:

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

kittiej wrote: »

Yes the school have the behaviour therapist and the psychologist has observed him too.

I know I'm probably just over reacting but I can't help worrying about him.

As long as someone gives him a set of rules he is fine but once he's on his own (eg in the playground) he becomes aggresive and boisterous and this is why I worry that when he is left to his own devices he won't be able to cope.

My son was diagnosed at 11 through school.

At 1st they thought he had anger problems but it seems he was getting angry because the other children (who could obviously already see that he was different) would wind him up just so that they could watch him have a meltdown.

He is now 14 nearly 15 & goes to a residential school for boys with ASD & he is flourishing.

As long as your son gets all the help & support he needs he will be fine, I was also diagnosed myself at the same time as my son & I can see the difference the help & support makes & wish id been diagnosed alot earlier.

kittiej

My son was 3 when the school noticed he had odd and aggressive tendencies and they went straight to work to get help which I am grateful for.

It's not until recently though that they have said that Aspergers is probably the main reason.

My mother doesn't get on well with people, and I would rather not socialise. I'm quite happy to entertain myself with the computer tbh lol.

I never go with OH to see his parents at the weekend since his brothers & sisters and nephews/nieces are always there and I can't cope with that many people.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

kittiej wrote: »

My son was 3 when the school noticed he had odd and aggressive tendencies and they went straight to work to get help which I am grateful for.

It's not until recently though that they have said that Aspergers is probably the main reason.

My mother doesn't get on well with people, and I would rather not socialise. I'm quite happy to entertain myself with the computer tbh lol.

I never go with OH to see his parents at the weekend since his brothers & sisters and nephews/nieces are always there and I can't cope with that many people.

Im exactly the same, I hate family gatherings & prefer my own company, usually with my laptop or watching documentaries on tv.

It sounds like you have autistic traits too, I think thats the reason why ive never thought my sons behaviour was much of a problem as ive always completely understood where he was coming from.

Good luck & don't worry, your son will be fine, being different isn't such a bad thing, look at Bill Gates & Richard Branson.

munchings-n-crunchings

Hello there,

I have both a son and daughter with Asperger's.
Daughter diagnosed at age 8, and son diagnosed at 14. They are now 13 and 19

As part of my son's diagnosis, they said her had a severe semantic / pragmatic language disorder. He has muddled his way through school, and now almost at the end of his second year of an nvq2 course in the construction industry. So even though his use and comprehension of spoken language is about 10 years below his chronological age, his has still been able to achieve, it was just finding what worked.
My daughter intends on being in the West End, and envisages an independent life for herself.

As a single parent, I work hard to build up the independence of the children, and it's not easy. But I always have in the back of my mind that I will not always be here, so even if it's telling my son he'll need to catch the bus home, or having a night away, it's all with a purpose.
I see the mistakes I made with my son, by doing too much for him, but that was before his diagnosis, so I have tried not to make those same mistakes again.

My daughter has always considered her autism as part of who she is, and without it, she wouldn't be herself. She works hard to fit in, and to prove herself.
The more she understood, the better she found trying to adapt to an environment she didn't really understand.

Tony Attwood has written a good book called 'Asperger's Syndrome A guide for Parents and Professionals'. The more you read and understand as a parent, the more you will be able to help your son.

Often you are given a diagnosis, then sent on your way, and it can leave you feeling grief, confusion or a sense of loss, but that's not going to help you. Be positive, and work towards small goals.
If you speak to the inclusion service at our education office, they may run workshops for parents, which can be really useful.

I like the fact you use the term 'quirky'. It's an expression my daughter has always been happy with xx

Regards
Munchie

Jazz2

When my son was diagnosed, I read everything I could on autism, especially AS. Sometimes it all fitted him, sometimes it didn't, and I even at times wondered if he really had AS at all (he's very sympathetic, for instance, and has a wonderful sense of humour). But he definitely has.

He copes with life, but basically is a few years behind where he should be. I also worry about the future, and how independent he will be, and yet every time I've thought there was something he would not be able to do, he has managed to do it - in his own good time :rolleyes:

The other thing about all the stuff I read, was that it sometimes got to be quite depressing. Then I found the site 'The Institute for the Neurologically Typically' and it made me feel a whole lot better!! (I'm not allowed to post the link but if interested you can find it by Googling).

If you read about Luke Jackson, it might also help. At 14 he wrote a book, "Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome" - and whether you actually read the book or not, he's a good example, at least, of what a teenager with AS can do. The needs of each one are individual, so try not to worry too much, just find out all you can about Asperger's.

Savvy_Sue

While we're talking books, for younger children those by Kathy Hoopmann in the Asperger Adventure series are very good - at least those I read. I think they help both the child and the parent understand why responses aren't always as expected!