Alcohol self help thread II

kazmac_3

:wave:
Hiya Guys...wagon's wobbling again, but am REALLY trying to align the wheels!xx

beer2006

Hi Kaz

Keep the wheels on babe, its worth it, it really is.

micheleen

kazmac wrote:

:wave:
Hiya Guys...wagon's wobbling again, but am REALLY trying to align the wheels!xx

Don't disappear too soon hun :j

Al_Mac

Kaz, ovaltine, book and bed, when drunk, the ovaltine that is, sleep.

Off meself.

Stay strong, Kaz, but remember if you do stray, come back tomorrow and start again. Gets a little easier everytime, we've all fallen.

Night all.

kazmac_3

Awww thanks al, beer and mich .....have just made a cuppa, am NOT going to indulge....want SO much to make to fri the its the big 2 week mark....please tell me it gets easier lol???...please????

village_life

hi guys

i noticed this thread a week or so ago and found it inspirational, but wasnt able to post before now!

the alcohol issue in this instance isnt about myself, its my mother who is 56 and is a well paid professional in a seemingly quite stressful job....

for the past 10 or so years her drinking habits and behaviour have declined significantly, and my father and some of the siblings (i have an older bro and a younger sis) are really at the end of our tether about what to do....

i just dont know what the answer is and what to suggest now!?

the usual cycle is that life is fine during the week, she cant drink too much as she has to go to work, but the weekends she'll spend most of the time drinking ( i guess maybe as theres nothing else to do) - its not uncommon for her to have a glass of lager before lunchtime, and that'll continue throughout the day, before she starts drinking wine - sometimes she drinks that early too)....

its mostly at weekends when shes bad - drinking too much, not eating, sleeping all weekend, not being in a fit state for work on a monday morning - so she often takes monday and tuesdays sick - and there appears to be no come-back from work on this yet - though i am sure people must know and notice her absence....

there was a family get together this weekend, myself and my fiance arrived at 5pm after she'd been sat with my aunt in the pub since about 1pm while my dad and his brothers went playing snooker - when i got there she was p1ssed and not with it - and it was cringe-worthy embarassing to watch - i just wanted to get out of there right away....

once we decided to leave i had to drive her and a few others home, so i went outside to clear my car - when i came back my dad was physically upset (and p1ssed too, but i forgive him as its a once in a year kinda thing!) - and looked upset, and then started to cry saying "i cant cope with being her carer for the rest of my life, she's getting worse"

it was more the tears that shocked me rather than the content, i've heard him say the same thing (in a more rational mindset before) and had said that i think he should leave her to regain his own life etc (though thats not what i want at all obviously!)

its really hard, its like shes two differnet people, - when shes not had too much to drink she's great, but when she gets into this cycle she's horrendous to be around, and its upsetting everyone - a few months ago my parents met my fiance's parents - and my mum drank too much in the restuarant and made a fool of herself - my future in laws were stunned really, it was them who made the comment about how my dad is a "carer" - i just want to help but i dont know what to do!

they go on a lot of foreign holidays each year, and that used to be the target that would keep her on the straight and narrow - something to look forwards to - now she's taken to "wasting" those holidays by drinking too much - and its got to the point that when she goes out (shopping or on holiday) as my dad describes she gets "flustered" and cant cope with it- i am guessing thats some sort of alcohol withdrawal? or craving for a drink!?

i was heart-broken on sunday night having to put my hand on my dads shoulder and listen to him cry - and not really knowing what to say - but equally knowing that the only reason his guard dropped so i could see this was because he was drunk (my bro or sis didnt see and dont know about it!) -

i am hoping that to tell my mum (when shes of sound mind and body) that this happened might be enough to shock her to change her ways, but i think thats overly ambitious - i thought about ringing her at work (or going to see her at work) each day this week to tell her - but its hard when she is acting "normal" to bring it up - i just dont know if it would do any good!

its devestating really for the whole family - my sister and her bf dont spend too much time in the house cause they know how she gets, ive moved out with my fiance and my brother is married- so it mainly leaves my dad with my mum - but what sort of life does my dad have!?

its taking a lot to read this and put my thoughts down - i am hoping for a magic answer! - i know people are gonna say that my mum has to realise she has a problem and act on it - thats what i am fearful of - she's been to the doctor, made all the promises to see councillers - but never goes through with it -

i cant just stand by and watch my dads life be ruined further while my mum comes to recognise she has a problem and deal with it - furthermore its my wedding in september and i dont want the fear that she might cause any embarassement on my day.....

its a whole sorry catalogue, i vaguely remember when it all started (my dad thinks it was due to a medical problem she had 10+ years ago when she had some fits after being given a dodgy dose of medication), but its also down to the fact that she does take various medicines and anti-depressants - i think that accentuates the problem that drinking too much also causes - its a vicious circle

ive tried everythnig really, appealing to her, shocking her (throwing water over her etc), pouring alcohol down the sink and stealing her purse to prevent her going out and buying any so that she could "dry up" - but the ONLY thing i havent tried is talking to her rationally when shes in a sound frame of mind (i.e. when shes at work) and telling her what she's doing, how i feel, how i know others are feeling

its just such a HARD thing for me to talk about, ive wanted to make the call 10 times in the past 2 days - perhaps i havent had the bottle for it? - but i get trapped also that when she is "normal" - i forget what happened the weekend before and vainly hope it'll be ok next time - but it never is!

can anyone suggest anything - she'll never admit she has an alcohol problem (never ever) so i need to make her realise the impact of what she's doing some other way

I could really do with some thoughts here - sorry for rambling on and on.....

beer2006

Al_Mac wrote:

Kaz, ovaltine, book and bed, when drunk, the ovaltine that is, sleep.

Off meself.

Stay strong, Kaz, but remember if you do stray, come back tomorrow and start again. Gets a little easier everytime, we've all fallen.

Night all.

Been meaning to say this for a long time, bit of a secret to reveal, something that should have come out a long time ago.

Deep breath.

I really really hate ovaltine!!!! Really!!
phew, you lot always talk about it and it almost makes me feel ill, looking at the word.
I always knew I was different.........:rolleyes:

micheleen

kazmac wrote:

Awww thanks al, beer and mich .....have just made a cuppa, am NOT going to indulge....want SO much to make to fri the its the big 2 week mark....please tell me it gets easier lol???...please????

It does get easier (most of the time anyway) but you've still got to fight. You can do it hun, stay strong and make it 13 tomorrow :A

beer2006

Village

First of all big hugs for what you are going through.

What I was thinking as I read through, is have you talked to her about it when she is very very sober, then you say you haven't. Don't phone, talk in person, tell her about how this is affecting the family and you and her.

"ive tried everythnig really, appealing to her, shocking her (throwing water over her etc), pouring alcohol down the sink and stealing her purse to prevent her going out and buying any so that she could "dry up""


That is dealing with the symtoms not the problems, there will be a reason she drinks, wether you can find out what it is, is anybodys guess.

There is going to be no quick fix for this, if everything goes perfectly, its going to be months of pain for everyone.

I'll read it again.

kazmac_3

lol@beer xxx:smiley