Quality time with DD2 and fitting everything in!

Jo_R_2

Hi all

I was wondering how those who are stay-at-home parents manage their time?

I'm a SAHM with DD1 (age 5), DD2 (age nearly 3) and DS (age 18ish weeks!) My problem is that although I often feel like I've been rushing around all day and am utterly knackered, I don't always seem to a) have done much, and b) felt like I've spent much quality time with DD2 or DS.

It's exacerbated now as we've just moved house and DD1's new school is further away than before, so that's taking an hour out of the day both morning and afternoon when previously I could walk out the door 5 mins before school started and finished.

I'm not renowned for my domestic goddess skills:rolleyes: but it seems doing housework (even the bare minimum needed) comes at the expense of time with DD2, even if I get her to "help":D I know I'm probably asking a lot of myself as I'm still at that stage of camping out on the sofa whenever baby needs feeding, so DD2 has seen an awful lot of CBeebies for the last four-and-a-bit months!

I had support previously (from my HV plus a Family Visitor, and under the care of a psychiatrist for depression) but since I've moved it seems to have dried up. My new HV seems a bit odd (sorry can't think of another way to describe her!) I still have a Home Start visitor but that's only a couple of hours a week and I feel quite isolated and, well, lonely as well as everything else.

Got to dash but how do others manage, especially if you've just moved?

weezl74

hi jo,

when my mum used to feed my brother she would read to me (we are 23 months apart), apparently she'd tell me the baby needed food and I'd trot off and get a little stash of books!

could that work?

some of the mums on the parent club thread are midlands based too, they might know of some stuff you could do to feel less isolated. Does anyone else living near you have kids at the same school? Could dd1 walk with them a couple of days a week?

hth,

weezl xxx

ps hoorah for 18ish week sons (see my sig!)

sooz

lost my post :mad:

I have 3 about the same age. We don't manage very well, but are just about coping.

share school run with other mums. I prefer to collect my own & a couple of others, & let someone else deal with morning rush.
Lots of playdates for the eldest, with tea afterwards til about 6.30. I only arrange this with nice well behaved kids. I don't notice one extra, infact someone else keeps the elder two out of my hair. & on the days when he is at someone else's it's bliss.
A cleaner is essential for those first few months. She helps me keep the chaos under control, & keeps the ironing mountain at only hill levels.
If you don't like your HV, is there another you can see?

Poppy9

would it make it easier if you moved your DD to a school nearer? Not only would you have more time but you would also meet other local parents.

KellyWelly

When my two were both in school (they're two years apart) and I got my groove back, as it were, I realised the previous four or so years I'd just been in survival mode - I'd coped ok but it had been more of a struggle than I had realised. Now I look back on it and it's all a bit hazy. Don't get me wrong, I do actually miss them being little and I truly loved the time I'd been so lucky to have as a SAHM with them but it isn't an easy option.

30 mins each way to school sounds hellish expecially with two little ones in tow. Is there any chance of moving to a school closer to home? And don't expect to much of yourself - your kids (and you) will remember laughing and playing together for the rest of your lives, you won't remember if the carpet was hoovered every morning or if the dishes were done straight after dinner.

Jo_R_2

Thanks all. I'm feeling a bit better, yesterday evening DDs were playing outside in the paddling pool (at the old house the garden was pretty much non-existent) and screaming, splashing, running about and generally having a great time whilst I pottered about, baby sat watching and OH did gardening. I felt quite pleased in our decision to move and had a real family feeling.

There's a couple of mums I see on the bus - we started out walking but it was a nightmare - who live a way away as well who have been quite friendly and chatty and whose children are in DD's class (I think - there's 3 reception classes.) Must say I do feel a teeny bit resentful standing at the bus stop of a morning when the kids are walking to the nearest school which is across the main road from us but the school DD1 is going to is a really good one anyway and come age 7 I'll be sending her to the junior school that's right next to the nearer infants, and the nearer infants will be where DD2 goes all being well.

I relied a lot on my last HV who was great and the Family Visitor who took us out to playgroups and whatnot that I didn't know existed, but I don't feel that same rapport with my new HV, plus the Sure Start centres (I used one a lot that was near to the old house, I think they're great) are a good walk away from our house - and that's after getting back from getting DD1 to school.

A lot of the time issues should hopefully be solved as we're getting a car very shortly (hooray!) which I think will really help the time issues. It's just breaking into the groups and support available in this new area that I need to do now. Arranging playdates is also a good idea, I just feel a bit shy approaching mums I hardly know!

RoxieW

Hi there - I posted a similar post not long ago. I have a 5 and a 6 year old and a 4 mth old baby and had been feeling completely overwhelmed and split in different directions. My standards have slipped with regards to housework and also with regards to quality time with my husband - unfortunately something just has to go and there just isnt enough of me to go around sometimes.
I dont have much advice - just to assure you that I'm in the same boat lol. I find getting out and about helps - even if just to pick up nappies and have a browse around Boots

moiramber

I only have 1 at the moment and I struggle most days to get anything done! Its so hard having kids and trying to fit everything around them, I spend alot of time in the house as my son won't sleep if we're out and I get totally obsessed about him not sleeping and get mega stressed out if he doesn't sleep all day. I'm supposed to go back to work in 6 weeks which realistically isn't going to happen but I've no idea how i'd even think about getting to work and getting us both organised and out the door at 8am. Most days I don't even manage to get dressed! Those of you with more than one, You're doing great, Don't know how you do it!

moneypanicker

Wow you sound just like me!!

I've kids the same age and same sex! I've been quite down too and have good days and bad days. I set half an hour aside after lunch whilst baby is having a sleep to do 'daughter' time. We do a puzzle, read a book or do work books. I felt bad about not spending time with her but she really enjoys the half hour and to be honest her attention span at 3 does not go much longer.

Does your 3 year old go to pre-school? Mine is generally quite tired after morning there and is quite happy to do not a lot! Even if that means watching some telly. She then has a second wind about 3 to go and get her sister from school.

With regards to meeting people I don't have lots of friends but i am trying to make an effort for play dates etc - even just to meet for quick cup of coffee - slowly it's paying off.

As for housework if i'm feeling down it doesn't get done but if i'm feeling good i'll do some. My kids are happy that is the most important thing for me and my friends when they do come over know that the house will not be spotless!!!

Silaqui

This is probably completely wrong as I'm not a parent, and my mum always worked so I don't really know the drill, but could you not treat the quality time bit as your 'job' and then do the cleaning the rest of the time?

If you think about it, if you were working you would have to fit the kids and the housework in the time after work - being as you're not, you could try and fit the kids into 'work' hours and then catch up with the housework the rest of the time?

I hope that makes sense lol

x

Jo_R_2

Silaqui wrote: »

This is probably completely wrong as I'm not a parent, and my mum always worked so I don't really know the drill, but could you not treat the quality time bit as your 'job' and then do the cleaning the rest of the time?

If you think about it, if you were working you would have to fit the kids and the housework in the time after work - being as you're not, you could try and fit the kids into 'work' hours and then catch up with the housework the rest of the time?

I hope that makes sense lol

x

I think you have some insight there! I do see the kids as my 'job'... Of course it's lovely to spend time with them but you know what I mean! That's part of the reason why I hate it when various places ask what my occupation is and they put me down as 'housewife'... I'm NOT a housewife, I'm a Stay-At-Home-Mum!

Part of the thing is that I know come post-teatime, I'm going to be hard-pushed to find the energy to stay awake for a few hours, let alone get any housework done. Luckily OH is great and tends to whizz round with baby in tow after tea doing washing up and general tidying whilst I do DDs bath and bedtime which is a real help.

Also DD2 isn't at preschool yet, although she will be come September which I think will really help. She's as bright as a button and is at that lovely interested-in-anything-and-everything stage, she never stops asking questions and I worry she isn't getting enough stimulation.