Help - Ex Partner owes me £9k

desperatelyinthered

Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but I'm hoping some of you may have some advice....

My debt is high and I am currently on a DMP with payplan and am at last sorting my life out!

My ex partner owes me a large amount of money from when I (stupidly) bailed him out to a total of over 9k. This would obviously help me out greatly with my debts.

We have had an informal arrangement that he would pay me money each month, which I take off his total debt (and use as extra payments to my creditors), unfortunately this is starting to come irregular!

All of the debt is in my name, so really I don't have a leg to stand on with getting the money back I don't think, but wondered if anyone had any experience of this and managed to get money back?????

My ex has and still does say he will pay me back no matter how long it takes, but as he has only given me £40 today, it will take about 20 years to get it all back and I really don't want to be in contact that long!!!!

Anyone got any advice????

Thanks as always, its great that there is somewhere like this where we can vent some anger and get some good support and help!

lynzpower

You could take him to the small claims court for it, but it would have to be under 5k though, any bigger figures than that you cant do it through the small claims route?

Have you considered mediation? The Cab have access to that, it might help.

Although the issue is, does he actually have the money to give back to you?

oops_a_daisy

do you have anything in writing from him to prove that he owes you the money ?

tigerlily

When my ex-BF and I went our separate ways he owed me just under £2000....I eventually got it back after months of dribs and drabs payments his mother became a magistrate or something along those lines so I thought f*** it and wrote him a letter saying I couldnt wait any longer and could we avoid any embarrassment cause by me taking him to court for it by paying me back within a short space of time........a few days later he said he had a cheque for me!! It was all bluff, theres no way I would have ever have taken him to court but sometimes that works. Good luck.

Clumsy_Girl

Could you try talking to him (or write to him) and agreeing a repayment plan? i.e. agree that he pays you an amount each month and then make sure he sets up a direct debit payment in to your account? If this doesn't work then you may need to look at stronger ways of making sure you get your money back as others have suggested. Good luck!

AuntyJean

My current partner uses me as a banker (correct spelling!) as well.

I was concerned that if ever we split up I would end up without repayment so, I got him to change over his house (which he owns outright after inheriting it from his parents) into joint names. That way if we ever split up I at least get something back.

Having something like a car is no good 'cause over the years it depreciates.

Does he own anything that he would be prepared to sign over to you until such time as the debt is paid? I know he is in debt but he must have used the money to purchase something?

BTW I had two very very close friends to whom I loaned £500 each. They both disappeared! I don't lend ANYONE money anymore without some sort of security. Sad but true, you cannot trust ANYONE.

If at the end of the day you get nothing more back, it will be a valuable lesson to learn (ie when you do finally settle down keep separate bank accounts etc.). And just let the past go.

desperatelyinthered

Thanks to you all- it has made me see that there is some way I may get money back - did think of small claims court, but wasn't sure I was able to do that? - I may look into it and try the letter approach - to be honest if I could get £6.5k from him that would pay off my car loan and give me £170 more a month to reduce the other debts so would probably accept that!!

I have nothing in writing and the debs are on my CC's, I have a couple of receipts etc but all in all at the time I would have done anything for him and didn't expect to be in this situation - and I don't lend money at all to people now!

I know his money situation isn't great (although he probably takes home about £1600), but his priorities always were live before paying off debts, (whereas I am now, pay as much of debts as can and If I can affort a bottle of wine or a night out its a big treat!)- he owes his best mate a few thousand too plus god knows what else! But we had agreed that the absolute minimum he would give me was £50 a month - he has kept to that (and often paid a lot more) but now he has met someone new and all of a sudden I only get £40 for 2 months, and a note saying sorry its not much and I will try and sort some more for next week! The annoying thing is I know he has just spent £1300 on a new car!!!

He doesn't own a house (he lived at mine - luckily I had the sense to not put him on the mort!), and to be honest he doesn't own anything worth the amount I have lent him!

Hopefully I have answered all the questions, and thanks, felling a bit more positive now!!!!

Alleycat

I think your best bet would be to agree a definate amount that he will repay each month and then set up a standing order or direct debit to go out the day after he gets paid. He hopefully won't have had time to spend all his wages before it leaves his account. If possible get something in writing with amount he currently owes. Then if he does suddenly decide to do a disapearing act or denies that he owes you more money etc, you have something which will stand up if you decide to go down the small claims route.

I wouldn't necessarily threaten court action at this point as it could backfire on you, but if you can in a friendly way ask if you can have some sort of informal agreement in writing that would be good.

desperatelyinthered

Thanks Alleycat.....

I don't want to go the small claims route direction as I hope we can agree a repayment plan....

I want to have all the info I need incase in the future it is something I need to consider though, any ideas what I would need???

At the moment we only communicate by email, so if I sent him one with what he owes and try and get him to agree a payment, would that be sufficient? Or do I need a formal document signed by him (not sure I will be able to get him to do this easily!).

If anyone has any sample letters or anything that would be a great help!

I know he is away this weekend, but want to get something across to him by Sunday night!

ceegee

I can't be of any help, but wanted to offer my support. I took out an overdraft to help my ex-husband, despite the fact that I am working to support myself and our two teenage daughters. He owes me approx £1300. No use taking him to a Small Claims Court because he ain't got the money to repay.

What do you do? Slog away at the debt yourself and never, ever, ever lend anybody anything, ever again. :mad:

desperatelyinthered

Thanks Ceegee - us women are all the same!!!!

At least we will learn from the lesson! Hope you manage to get some back!