OHs ex could be limiting access to get more CSA... help please

ellissa

Hi all

Just wondering if any of u lovely people can shed any light on this...

My OHs ex called the CSA in May ranting that she wasn't getting enough money. True but this is because of phasing onto the new system - my OH is paying the correct amount. So she calls him and rants that unless he pays the full amount (not scheduled until 2011) then she will withdraw access and get solicitors involved.

So, we call CSA in a panic, they say (and I quote) "his ex is thick" and explained it was because of phasing, my OH meeting all requirements under law, nothing ex can do so ignore it. They said the only way she can claim more money is if my OH didnt see his DD as much - this bit of info just went over our heads at the time.

We always have my OH's DD every wknd. However, the week after the CSA call OH ex text to say can't have DD that wknd. Gave a legitimate excuse, we thought no more of it.

Next wknd, she came as normal - we were taking her away for 4 days on a trip she'd been looking forward to for months. The wknd after, another text that we can't have DD. My OH said this was not on to his ex. She says 'fine, if you don't like it don't see her'. My OH just says he'll see her next wk.

Next wk comes, DD bday, we have bought all her presents, organised a big family party all to knowledge of OH's ex, get a text the night before - sorry forgot to tell u that u cant have her. We were fuming. Apparently it was unavoidable. Never mind the presents and the party, they are meaningless really. My OH (and myself) did not get to see DD on her bday or give her any presents. DD did not get to see her daddy. (My OH did just turn up at the house with presents and cards and cake and asked to take DD for a picnic to see her and give pressies but was told no leave them here - he did. At least he saw her for a sec, wished her happy bday and gave her a cuddle.). The same thing happened this week - we not allowed to have her.

My OH wont argue with his ex because she has made access difficult before and dragged him thru courts. Problem is we can't afford to go to court now as we have low income but too high for legal aid. She can fight us forever in court as the state pays! She's never worked a day in her life.

Anyway, sorry for long post but we're worried she is limiting access so that she can call CSA and ask for more money saying we are not seeing DD if you get what I mean. We called CSA to try to warn them what we think she might be doing and they didn't want to know. They simply said they do not deal with contact issues. I tried to explain it was not a contact issue, we wanted to warn them that if she tries to claim more money then all is not as it seems.

Help.... could OHs ex be up to something? We want to see his DD every week. This is more important than the money. At the same time tho, could she claim more money off us because SHE has stopped us seeing DD... of course she wont explain it quite like that.

Thanks to those of u who are still reading x

delain

My children do not see their father, but this is because he is unstable on many levels, and the courts have said he should not see them until he has done parenting assessments etc (and passed them) he has not done so and therefore by all accounts it is his fault he does not see them.

Because he does not see them i do not persecute him with the CSA, i feel that would be unfair

I have to say that your OH's ex seems like a mentalist, or at the very least a selfish woman who has probably not thought about how her daughter feels, or worse still doesn't care at all!

you may find this last post pointless but just thought i'd let you know not all us ex's are quite so insane

Zara33

The ex does sound as if she is refusing contact to gain extra money, as your OH would be getting a reduction on his child support for the number of nights his daughter stayed with him.

The csa are correct however they will not deal with this issue.

I notice in your post you say that your OH had problems in the past and he went to court, i'm afraid this might be his only option again. Was there a contact order put in place?

Blob

If you have been to Court before, it is not necessary to have a Solicitor. It sounds like a clasic 'Pay to Play' case, the Courts take a very dim view of this. The Court has made an Order then your ex is bound by this, from what you say she is dilaberatly makeing the Order unworkable, again something the Courts get upset about.

You may well have to go back to Court and when you do ask for a Penal Notice to be attached to the Order. Some on here say it wont work, but in my case it did.

If your ex is on Legal Aid you can always ask for this to be looked into, if they then find that the case is of her making then they can revoke her legal aid, this will mean that she then has to repay all the money that she has had. My ex found this point a very hard one to take, shame! You have to go to the LSC to get this done not the Court.

I think that you will need a form C2 to get the case back to Court, when you get there ask for a review date as well, this will mean that the Court will also monoter the Order and you will have to go back from time to time, and there is no extra cost for this.

Hope it helps.

Mips

Calmly tell the greedy biatch that you know what she is up to and the money isn't an issue - tell her she can still have full CSA money but you still want the child overnight.

If you explain that the child is more important than the money... she may back off.

And just bear in mind that the money isn't paid forever and the child can live with you when she gets older.

kelloggs36

Is she on benefits? If so, then she only gets the first £20 per week anyway, so any more won't make a difference.

LaurieK

I have no idea how these things work as have no ex's but I would just say you should put it in writing to your ex stating that you are prepared to have the child and when etc. Send it via recorded or special delivery (whichever gets signed for so that you have proof that she received it). Always some proof later showing what you were prepared to do. Also make sure the letter is dated.

LaurieK

Sorry I didn't mean your ex I meant your OH's ex.

Zara33

LaurieK wrote: »

I have no idea how these things work as have no ex's but I would just say you should put it in writing to your ex stating that you are prepared to have the child and when etc. Send it via recorded or special delivery (whichever gets signed for so that you have proof that she received it). Always some proof later showing what you were prepared to do. Also make sure the letter is dated.

This should already be in place if the OP's OH has a court order, and she is denying him this. I wouldn't flaff about with letters etc personally i would take it straight back to court.

LaurieK

ellissa wrote: »

Hi all

My OH wont argue with his ex because she has made access difficult before and dragged him thru courts. Problem is we can't afford to go to court now as we have low income but too high for legal aid. She can fight us forever in court as the state pays! She's never worked a day in her life.

Yes that would be what I would do to but the OP says they can't afford to go to court now so I was trying to think of alternatives that might help.

ellissa

Thanks for your input so far people. It helps to know that I'm not just being paranoid.

Delain - she has not thought about her DD feelings and lets be honest, that's the most important thing. I can't explain how much it upsets me to imagine her sitting at home on her bday wondering why myself and her daddy aren't with her.

Dippychick - that's a view I'd like to take - tell her it don't matter and we just want to see DD but I anticipate her just taking the money and offering no change in access. She's the kind of 'lady' who sits at home with her DD saying 'you know daddy doesn't love you as much as me don't you'. I'm not speculating here, this is from DD mouth (and yes I am aware children can make things up before anyone jumps on that!)

Kelloggs - yep she's on benefits but I assume her IS stops in Oct because of DD age. And because of this apparently (according to ex) we should be giving her CSA on a private agreement, over and above the amount we are meant to so that ex does not have to go on JSA and look for work so she can be a SAHM for DD. At the moment she is not getting £20 because of phasing apparently (acording to her anyway).

LaurieK - we have kept records of all texts, calls, contact although I am not sure how much weight it will hold as it is only our own written records. We could get a solicitor to write to her clarifying our position on contact but (and I know this seems wet) she is so volatile that she would say ANYTHING to get more money or stop us seeing DD for as long as poss. My ex is scared of her and frankly from the stories I've heard and the solicitors notes I've read from the past I am wary of her too. She made crazy accusations about my OH before I was with him, this is why contact was initially withdrawn. There was CCTV and witness evidence to disprove everything she said by the way.

Everyone who suggets/asks about court - my ex did not get as far as a contact order. He ran out of money and could not fight her. I was not with him when this happened tho, so can only tell you what I've been told tho I have seen solicitors correspondence and letters including those stating they couldn't proceed without further payment. I have also been helping him pay for the last 4 yrs the £3K debt it left him with at that point.


Thanks again everyone for your advice. Do correct me if I'm wrong on anything. We just feel like there is nothing we can do. If we even try to take her on then she will come out with all sorts of lies. Because of the ex's temperament, my OH does not leave DD with any member of the family/friends, including me, without him being there - this is for the protection of the people in our lives. I know this seems dramatic but this is what we live thru. Apparently his ex's last whim was to say my OH and his partner after her (ex2) were stalking ex and DD. DD agreed with her mum that this happened. On most of the occasions mentioned, he had CCTV to prove he was elsewhere and on the others he was at home with ex2. It did not happen. However I have a job where anything said against me could ruin my career so OH tries to protect me as far as he can.

Anyway I'm rambling now. Just don't know what to do. Ex is so used to us just rolling over and taking what she says as she knows we are petrified of her. All we want is to support DD, see her as much as poss, provide for her and give her a stable family background! Chance would be a fine thing.

I know I seem bitter. I don't hate his ex, I can imagine it is terrible if a man leaves you when you have a child and she wants to make his life hell but my OH is a great dad, we could all work together to give DD the best possible upbringing and surely the needs of any child should come before the feelings of ex, OH and myself!