Should I be this upset

the_rottweiler

About 25 years ago I dated a lovely guy who was a musician, it lasted about 6 months and faded due to distance and him being on the road.
There was no nasty end and I have fond memories of that time.
We stayed in phone contact for about 10 years after.
I googled him a few months ago and found him, but bottled out of contacting him cos I had a few glasses of wine that night. (A slightly drunk person with a computer is as bad as one with a phone in my view)
So tonight I am sober and decided to email him and google him to get the details again, and found his obituary.
He died last month and I have been in tears all evening.
The thing is should I be this upset when I hadnt seen him for 25 years, I only wanted to say hi, and should I send a message of condolence to his best mate,

jamtart6

i would send condolensces yes.

that is a really sad story so yes you should be sad, I would be sad if it was several of the people I dated 8 years ago who I parted on good terms with.

robpw2

i think you have unresolved issues there and taht why your really upset
i think you could send condolensces it would be a nice gesture

globalds

I don't know you ,but yes ....You should not feel bad for being upset .
You have kept something alive for all this time ..You are grieving for what could have been ..
Is there a chance you can still get in touch with some people to share your mourning ?

the_rottweiler

robpw2 wrote: »

i think you have unresolved issues there and taht why your really upset
i think you could send condolensces it would be a nice gesture

There were no unresolved issues, just good memories of a nice time in my life, and he was a nice man.
I settled down and so did he. We lost contact when I moved and lost my address book

sparkle03

Hi so sorry to hear of your loss, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you didnt do it when you had the chance? Might this be the reason you are so upset?
A couple of years ago the same thing happened to my partner, he lost touch with a good mate through one thing and another, then through his brother finally managed to pass on his mobile number (years later) only for that weekend the friend to have a fatal bike accident. My OH said he was devastated as he had the chance to have him back in his life and have a good catch up but in that short space of time ( a few days) He lost him again!

Whatever the reason it would have come as a shock and your well within your rights to feel saddened and upset by the news!
Take care x

bluebell13

Hi. A similar situation happened to me earlier this year. I found out from a schoolfriend that my 'first love' from 22 years ago had died earlier in the year. His wife had set up a website in memory which detailed the illness and also contained photos of him and his family. For the next 24 hours I couldnt stop crying (and I'm not one for crying!). I guess part of it is the shock that someone you were once close to and cared for has gone, even though you may not have seen them for years, especially if they were a similar age to you.

I wonder if part of the upset for you was thinking that you had the opportunity to contact him and passed it by. Time will heal, but be gentle with yourself.