If shes not worried about repaying the money why should i?

tallyhoh

Could you not sit down (with a drink) with a list of expenses/income printed out in BOLD & ask her to go through them with you & decide how the money should go. It sounds very simple but it may not ocurr to her how much things add up to.

System

tallyhoh wrote: »

Could you not sit down (with a drink) with a list of expenses/income printed out in BOLD & ask her to go through them with you & decide how the money should go. It sounds very simple but it may not ocurr to her how much things add up to.

I have done, many times and all starts off ok, but soon goes of the rails again.

moneymakestheworldgoround

I agree with tallyhoh.

Think you need to sit down with her and stress how the finances work out now, and how you would like to see them being managed.

She may have her lightbulb moment, and be supportive and on board.

She may be totally abusive, unwilling to change, and tell you to stuff it.

Then your decision is made.

But again I would hold off the joint account

Toni23

With the greatest respect, your OH seems to have her head in the sand and does not realise the magnitude of the situation with which she is faced. Whilst technically you were not a party to the claim, you were aware of it. HMRC have immense powers and ultimately can initiate bankruptcy proceedings ( if the amount in question is over 750 pounds ). You would be well advised to treat this as priority as someone else has very wisely said.

You recently posted ' ok whats the secret ' ( I'm rubbish with computers and can't quote your post ) but you appeared extremely envious of your neighbours and their material possessions aswell as the number of holidays they took. Again on this post, you have made reference to the number of holidays your partners relative has taken who gave the 'advice'. Surely, what matters is you have your family and your health. Keeping up with the neighbours is not good reason to defraud the tax credits system.

tallyhoh

My OH is the same & will not change, 2 spells in prison for fraud didnt knock any sense into him, now 57 & been in debt since age 18.

I took over the finances completely, it was a case of hand your money over or get out. He hands over what I say & the rest is his.

I dont know what you can do with someone who will NOT listen, except try showing her these posts??

Horace

Don't whatever you do set up a joint account with her because any debts that she runs up using that account will make you jointly liable.

Don't ever try and compete with the Jones's they are probably in more debt and I think that rather than look outward and say what if..you could look inward and concentrate on what's important - family and clearing debts.

The HMRC have powers that are far reaching - they will chase for the outstanding debt and have no hesitation in taking people to court who don't pay.

It sounds as though your partner also needs to grow up a bit because she has responsibilities now and cannot go out boozing and partying every night.

Nargleblast

Nirelandguy - if you are on a DMP then contact the company managing it for you and see if your payments can be adjusted to include this debt. You might be able to pay it off in bits? Unfair maybe, seeing as your OH sounds like she is in ostrich mode, but you are both in this together and she may not have had her complete lightbulb moment - yours was 150watts but hers probably about 15watts! I have read some of your other posts and it sounds as though your situation sometimes really gets on top of you. Nothing is impossible to solve, it is all a question of how you choose to react to things that happen. I do feel for you as my own OH is a bit ostrich-like at times. Hang in there, mister, keep a strict eye on finances and don't fret about other people and their lifestyles. When the OH starts hankering after the lifestyles of her friends and relatives, bring her gently back to reality and show her what progress you are both making. If you have a date in mind when your debts will be cleared, mark each day off on a calendar, and keep a running total, showing how the debt is falling every month. Little things I know, but it all helps. You must deal with the tax credit situation though because if you don't it will eventually come back and bite you on the b*m.

System

I think me bailing her out all the time just adds fuel to the fire as she doesn't learn. Thats how I had my light bulb moment, when I realised no one was going to help me I had to do something.

Nargleblast

Maybe if you set up an appointment with your debt counsellor and make sure your OH is in on it, perhaps hearing the realities of the situation explained by an expert third party will make her think? Has to be handled delicately though, she must not feel as if she is being picked on and blamed because then she will close her ears and her mind to the situation. Remember the saying "softly, softly, catchee monkey..." or even that one about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar.....very crafty and manipulative I know, but it works.