Separated but still living in same house

Mips

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Do you really think that public money should pay for 2X3 bedroomed houses just because a couple have chosen to separate? It's not a question of fairness but of common sense!

Well I am sorry but I wont have my kids sleeping on pull out furniture or on the floor.

I am moving into a 3 bedroom house, he will stay in this one. We both work. His maintenance will support his kids and although we will both struggle.. our kids wont be brought up listening to our bitter arguments.

I despise my husband for he is a controlling shallow man and I am only just realising the extent of his schemes.

I asked this question because I think it is very sad that there are some children who are cramped into one bedroom flats with fathers who are skint and struggling

My husband at present can't look after my children as he is living with his mother and their house is cramped, so I let him come here and was even letting him stay nights here whilst I stayed out of the way - this has now broken down due to his devious behaviour (removing cables from cars, hiding cash cards, smashing phone lines) ...

.. but I would think it inappropriate to send my kids somewhere they couldn't all have their own beds and space

OrkneyStar

Dippychick wrote: »

Well I am sorry but I wont have my kids sleeping on pull out furniture or on the floor.

I am moving into a 3 bedroom house, he will stay in this one. We both work. His maintenance will support his kids and although we will both struggle.. our kids wont be brought up listening to our bitter arguments.

I despise my husband for he is a controlling shallow man and I am only just realising the extent of his schemes.

I asked this question because I think it is very sad that there are some children who are cramped into one bedroom flats with fathers who are skint and struggling

My husband at present can't look after my children as he is living with his mother and their house is cramped, so I let him come here and was even letting him stay nights here whilst I stayed out of the way - this has now broken down due to his devious behaviour (removing cables from cars, hiding cash cards, smashing phone lines) ...

.. but I would think it inappropriate to send my kids somewhere they couldn't all have their own beds and space

Dippy I understand your thinking but it is just not feasible to expect two 3 bedroom houses to be funded from benefits. As you say you and ex are working to fund your own accomodation, that is admirable, and great for the kids, but will not be possible for every scenario.
Sorrry to hear you are separating, did not realise this.

GettingStraight_3

SomeBozo wrote: »

What exactly is wrong with that?

Nothing. Perhaps I should have worded that slightly differently.

GettingStraight_3

bestpud wrote: »

GettingStraight - are you suggesting it is unfair the parent with care receives any benefits for looking after them and the absent parent also pays towards their keep? Surely not...?

Not at all, no. However, you said :

As for the housing and benefits, it is assumed the absent parent will be able to maintain themselves I guess. I mean, they are technically single, aren't they, so they can work and fund a second bedroom.

"Technically single" yes, but in reality it doesn't really work like that. At least if you want to spend any time with your children and be able to do anything 'normal' with them like days out and holidays etc. Paying maintenance to an ex-partner helps with whatever they decide to do with the children, but the other parent still has to pay for anything else they want to do with the kids of course.

Oldernotwiser

Whilst I appreciate that some parents move to different parts of the country when they separate, surely many people just move to another part of town? In this case, do they actually have to stay overnight with the other parent rather than just spending days with them and coming home. Don't some people do it this way?

GettingStraight_3

They do. My brother does that with his kids sometimes. Mostly it's ok, but it does restrict what you can do with them during the course of a weekend for example. It's all very dependant on how reasonable the parents are with eachother I guess.

Anyway, we seem to have gone way off track from my original question. It seems in essence that if we are still living in the same house, we are technically seen as a couple unless we can prove we are separately self-sustaining etc. IMO I don't think that's practical when there are children involved. Certainly in our case anyway. We'd prefer that the children have as "normal" a life as possible while we work through this...

Oldernotwiser

GettingStraight wrote: »

Anyway, we seem to have gone way off track from my original question. It seems in essence that if we are still living in the same house, we are technically seen as a couple unless we can prove we are separately self-sustaining etc. IMO I don't think that's practical when there are children involved. Certainly in our case anyway. We'd prefer that the children have as "normal" a life as possible while we work through this...

I think that your conclusion is probably correct and that you'll need to manage in as civilised way as possible until your tenancy agreement expires. You'll then you'll be able to rent two smaller places and move on with your lives.

bestpud

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Whilst I appreciate that some parents move to different parts of the country when they separate, surely many people just move to another part of town? In this case, do they actually have to stay overnight with the other parent rather than just spending days with them and coming home. Don't some people do it this way?

It's certainly how we do it - in part because my ex wouldn't want that much contact and in part because he is living at his dads and has no space.

I'd have no issue with him getting a one bedroom house/flat and having them sleep on a put me up bed, or bed settee though tbh.

Children tend to think that's a bit of an adventure imo and it's what many do when they stay with grandparents, or other family members.

Good luck with it, GettingStraight; I know it would drive me crackers but it seems sensible in your situation, if you can tolerate it!