sad, bad day

smileykylie_2

I have had one of the worst days of my life today. Me and my husband have decided to seperate after 5 years together and even though we both agree we need to do this we both just feel sooooo sad.

I have always been the breadwinner and my OH does not earn very good money so we have decided that he will stay living here until mid august when he goes on an extended family trip. It is quite odd as we will have to sleep in the same bed (1 bed flat). I have looked up what help he may be able to get as a low income earner so hopefully he can sort something out. Knowing he will have money troubles has made me stay longer than I probably should have.

Like I said we know it is the right thing - we love each other but cannot give each other what is needed. We just don't 'connect' or work as a partnership like I think is needed for a relationship.

I wish that knowing it is the right decision was enough to stop you feeling like poo and feeling sooooooo sad. We keep looking at each other as if we can't quite believe it, I am trying to remain focused on the future and realise that as it is quite raw it is easy to think 'oh god this is too hard lets just try again', but it is not easy.

Just needed to get that off my chest - usually makes you feel better - not this time.

jackomdj

Did not want to read & run, big hug to you, not nice when a relationship ends.

How about buying a blow up bed for the living room. You can get them for a reasonable price (or try freecycle for free) as I doubt if you would be happy having to share a bed which will just make life more difficul for the next couple of months.

Take care
Nicky

smileykylie_2

thanks

i did think of that and saw one at a car boot today but did not get it. Fortunately we have never gone to bed at the same time and he can work long hours so hopefully will be ok.

Dreading telling my family who are abroad but have been surprised at my ability to talk to two of my friends about this and both have offerred me to stay there over the weekend next weekend which I will seriously consider.

it is the day to day stuff - like just now i had a bath and I said 'well you cannot see me naked now' but we still calling each other by our pet names - hopefully we will be able to live as friends.

karen098

I'm sorry to hear your troubles, sad I know but at least you've both taken the desicion now rather than growing to hate each other over time
I really think you need to sleep seperatly as no good will come from continuing to share no matter how short a time for.
A weekend staying with some girly mates will give you both some space to get a bit more used to the idea.

Its always poo when you realise its just not working, I hate to say it but I think its easier if one side gives the other a reason to split (cheating etc) as your mind & heart has a reason not to be together

Big hugs to you x

smileykylie_2

thanks

I agree - if he was a bas**ard then I could say 'well rid' I think i will raise with him sleeping in the lounge I tink he will be ok with this. He just said to me - we talking about this like it is nothing important - I don't know if that is because I have known for some time I need to do this or not.

just the bl**dy sadness I cannot deal with - i know it has only been a few hours but aaaaahhhh

HopeAndDriftWood

Aww, I really feel for you. I agree that you need to have a clean break, pet names and sharing a bed will cause you both to harbour feelings that need to end unless you are willing to give it another try.
Is there anywhere you could stay for a few nights, to collect your thoughts? It would make it hurt so much less for you both if you could both have a few nights to gather your feelings and heal a little. Then you could live as flat mates until he can move out.
I'm thinking of you, I wish you the best!

Valli

(((hugs)))
as one who carried on living with OH after we decided to split it wasn't very pleasant -you both need some space now...if you, or he, can stay elsewhere for a bit it will help. Maybe you could housesit for friends while they're away? Or colleagues?

smileykylie_2

thanks

not really - I don't have anywhere to go until the weekend but will try and live as flatmates as best we can until we can sort something out, will definitely go to my friends on friday night.

now just need to tell my family - think i will wait until the weekend when I usually ring them (I live away from them - but will probably move back as this was definitely an issue in our marriage).

Odette

Very sorry to hear. x

MissMitch

Hey sk! Just wanted to say sorry to hear your news...I know it's really hard but the sadness will pass and it sounds like you will probably go on to have a good friendship for the rest of your lives. Your situation really reminds me of when I split up with a previous ex that I'd been together with for 7 years and I just know exactly the sadness you're talking about, but I guess it is kind of like a bereavement. We lived together for quite a long while after (about 2.5 years :eek:) due to finances and it became hellish, but now 8 years later we still get on great although we've both moved on and don't see each other that often, I know I can ring him anytime and he's the same. It was the right decision to split and we managed to salvage a great friendship that I really do think will be there for life.

Good luck with sorting everything out and moving on with the two of you.

smileykylie_2

I hope we can do that. Even if we don't I know I will be Ok.

thanks