!!!!!! oh my God... this is a mess now.

catenorfolk

why do you need to tell your 10 yr old son thathis father tried to kill himself. he doesnt need to know that!!! there is no reason for that. It places an unnecessary burden on a young child. That is just selfish and stupid.

Poppy9

Am I right in that the absent parent is making the PWC feeling guilty over asking him to support his own child and threatening suicide?

Does your ex have access to your son? If so are you happy that your ex won't take revenge on you by doing harm to himself and his son.

I had a friend who committed suicide on the second attempt by ensuring this time he wouldn't be found. He didn't do it to punish or hurt his family, he did it because he was ill and couldn't face living. He would never have intentionally hurt his family or left them with guilt. He is blackmailing you to absolve him of financial responsibilty I don't think you should give into blackmail.

I also don't see any need to tell your son of his father's actions unless you think the father will tell him you need to explain why you don't think he will be safe with him.

brians_daughter

catenorfolk
The reason i am looking at having to tell him is he is in a high dependancy unit with very unstable kidney and liver function and the hospital advised his mother to contact all relevant parties incase he wasnt to make it.... i am in no way telling me son to be selfish and stupid.. infact quite the opposite..what if he doesnt make it and i have witheld the right for my son to see his father alive? That is my concern - cant do right for doing wrong type situ springs to mind. I am simply sitting here waiting for updates then i can decide what to do, obv if he starts to come through son has no need to know, but if he stays as unstable as he is there are grave concequences to face - (consultants words not mine)

there is no evidence of any mental illness at all, as far as i or his close family know, The hospital are accessing his medical files etc and nothing seems to be mentioned that his mother has been told about - but i dont know how these things work and if they would indeed tell her if thee was?

LizzieS_2

He would not make voluntary payments for 9 years. He threatened to throw his toys out of the pram if csa assessment was greater than £15 by giving up work. He gave up work and now finds he is possibly still liable for the assessed amount (I take it is has now been assessed at £55pw?). He then supposedly attempts suicide and is currently in high dependency.

Strange for you to be the one blamed, yet his mother does not hold it against you by making contact. Have you actually visited him yourself to know it is not some sick stunt?

If it is true, I wouldn't lose much sleep over it - his tantrums suggest partner has taken away his BMW.

brians_daughter

LizzieS wrote: »

He would not make voluntary payments for 9 years. He threatened to throw his toys out of the pram if csa assessment was greater than £15 by giving up work. He gave up work and now finds he is possibly still liable for the assessed amount (I take it is has now been assessed at £55pw?). He then supposedly attempts suicide and is currently in high dependency.

Strange for you to be the one blamed, yet his mother does not hold it against you by making contact. Have you actually visited him yourself to know it is not some sick stunt?

If it is true, I wouldn't lose much sleep over it - his tantrums suggest partner has taken away his BMW.

No i have not visited him. I got a call yeasterday after teatime from his mother. We have never got on at the best of times so you can imagine how the conversation went! I have kept my son away from school this morning as his dads younger children also attend the same school. As i havent said anything to him as of yet i dont want it coming from somone else. I have a friend who is going to let me know if the younger kids where at school today then i can look about sending my son later in the day n- obv i dont want him hearing from someone else.

He has been assessed at around £56 pw but the CSA where saying that they 'dont like the look of his wageslips' ie from the date the csa got involved he has reduced his hours etc - but thats another story for another day

I have found out tho that he has tried to do himself in before when his current partner threatened to leave him. Nice eh? Talk about guilt trip. TBH i am at the point with him where apart from my son and their relationship - and as heartless as this sounds it would suit me if he wasnt breathing and after pondering this for over 12 hours to put the blame on someone for something like this just kinda sums up one hell of a nasty man as far as i can see

Blonde_Bint

I missed your first post so not sure whats going on.

Just know this. you are not responsible in any way for his actions. So do not be made to feel bad by anyone.

in my opinion you shouldnt have deleted your first post, you must have been feeling like hell when you posted that. a true reflection of how you were feeling at the time you posted, chin up, some are here for you and some can give very good advice for you

I'm here for you just dont take my advice for gods sake, I mean well but im a bit dopey.

bestpud

You don't know that the younger children have been told the truth.

In fact, for all you know, they may be keeping them away from your son in case he breaks the news...

Why not just ask them what they intend to do as I see no need for you to tell your son anything other than his dad is ill at this point, unless someone else will break it to him in a worse way of course.

brians_daughter

bestpud wrote: »

You don't know that the younger children have been told the truth.

In fact, for all you know, they may be keeping them away from your son in case he breaks the news...

Why not just ask them what they intend to do as I see no need for you to tell your son anything other than his dad is ill at this point, unless someone else will break it to him in a worse way of course.

I have treid to contact his mother again to see what the situ is, she said she would call back this morning. From what i can gather she turned up yesterday as school had been on the phone to her saying he hadnt picked up the kids so shes gone for them and taken them home to walk into this! Hence reason for keeping my son off school i dont know what the other kids know or if they are in school, my son needs to go the docs anyway at some point next week so have booked it for today. I have obviously said Dad is not well but we dont know any more.

At least with it being Friday today it gives the weekend for things to hopefully become stable with him before my son needs to see his siblings at school so we can come up with some story

MrsE_2

Blonde_Bint wrote: »

I missed your first post so not sure whats going on.

Just know this. you are not responsible in any way for his actions. So do not be made to feel bad by anyone.

in my opinion you shouldnt have deleted your first post, you must have been feeling like hell when you posted that. a true reflection of how you were feeling at the time you posted, chin up, some are here for you and some can give very good advice for you

I'm here for you just dont take my advice for gods sake, I mean well but im a bit dopey.

I agree, I'm sorry an MSEer made you feel you had to remove your crisis post.

There was NO bad language, just a bit of !!!!!!:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

dmg24, do you wish to apoligise to this lady

Poppy9

Dreadful situation for you to be in but I sense from your post that you have your head screwed on right and know that your ex is the one with the issues and not you.

Keep being strong for you and your son, you can hold your head high knowing you have only ever done the best for your son. Yes you made a mistake in choosing a spineless, tightfisted, selfish, immature man to father your child but we all make mistakes.