Bad situation with a Will - help!

BlondeHeadOn

I find myself in a very bad situation (I think), and want to ask for some advice from you lovely people on here.

My father has recently passed away, and I am sole executor for his Will (my mother died 3 years ago). The Will stipulates that his estate should be equally divided between me and my brother, but my brother also died 2 years ago. My father's will states in this even that his share should be equally divided between his 2 children. Fair enough you might say.

The problem is that my brothers children are a complete nightmare to deal with, and I am already at the end of my tether with them after being an (co)executor for my brother's will. Not just me, all the exceutors and the solicitors are at the end of their tethers with the pair of them - 2 years later and the estate is still not finalised. I am contemplating slitting my throat at the mere thought of having to deal with these two again!

Okay, enough self pity (sorry) - here's the questions:

1. As my niece and nephew are 'secondary beneficiaries' and I am a primary beneficiary and the executor, how much power do I have to make the decision on my own?

2. When do I have to let them know what's in the will? I haven't even told them yet, as I can't bear the arguments (it's been a month since my dad died). I was a beneficiary in my Gran's Will a few years ago, and I didn't know anything about it until I received the cheque - and it was a lovely surprise! I would like to keep my sanity for as long as possible, but I don't know what I have to tell them legally.

My plan of action is to get a valuation done of everything (not much anyway), and sell the house (large chunk of it being equity release anyway) and sell anything of value, and divide the remainder 50% - 25% - 25%. I would use a solicitor for this bit, as again I can't stand the thought of any arguments. There are a few pieces of furniture I would like as they have sentimental rather than monetary value, but I would adjust to account for any value in my share. Does this all sound fair? I can't stand the thought of having to argue the toss over bits and bobs though, I would sooner just sell the lot than do that.

I am sat here in tears at the moment - I am so hating the thought of having to deal with these two yet again.

Sorry I have rambled on a bit - my head has been all over the place since my Dad died. Can anyone give me any advice on this please? Or just a virtual shoulder to cry on would ne nice....

Pee

How old are your brother's children?

As an Executor you have a lot of control over winding up the estate and there is very little they can do for the first year, what is known as the executor's year. As long as you do everything openly and above board whilst they can cause difficulties this won't really cause problems. I.e. it will be a nuisance factor.

Personally, if I knew they were going to be trouble, I would employ a solicitor - get some quotes and find someone you can deal with. The children can then deal with the solicitor as middleman and you will probably find that they don't. Completely unreasonable stroppy people can behave like little charmers when a solicitor is involved - and vice versa unfortunately.

To be fair to your nephew and neice, the greiving process seems to affect a lot of people like this, anger being part of the process, maybe, and also not wanting to let go.

belfastgirl23

I do think you need to check this out with a solicitor and deduct the cost from the estate. If you're worried about them raising merry hell then you need to get the best advice possible at this stage. And as Pee says, then put everything through the solicitor and refuse to discuss it with them (in a nice way though)

Good luck wiht it, it's a lot of extra stress on you at the minute.

BlondeHeadOn

Pee wrote: »

How old are your brother's children?

Personally, if I knew they were going to be trouble, I would employ a solicitor - get some quotes and find someone you can deal with. The children can then deal with the solicitor as middleman and you will probably find that they don't. Completely unreasonable stroppy people can behave like little charmers when a solicitor is involved - and vice versa unfortunately.

To be fair to your nephew and neice, the greiving process seems to affect a lot of people like this, anger being part of the process, maybe, and also not wanting to let go.

They are 26 and 18 - so not kids. And they have always been unreasonable and stroppy, nothing to do with grieving - they treated my brother like !!!!!! when he was alive too!

They have also been a nightmare with the solicitors dealing with my brother's estate, which is why it is 'solicitors' plural! I am planning on using a solicitor for all the estate accounts etc., but was thinking about going for probate myself as it is a simple estate. However, I think I may just get a solicitor involved for the lot - not the ones for my brothers estate though, as they don't want to work anywhere near them again. Told you it was bad.

Is it okay to wait for a couple of weeks until I have engaged a solicitor with a very thick skin, and let him/her deal with telling them about the Will? I really can't stand the thought of having to tell them myself - I try to have as little to do with themn as possible.

whatatwit

As they are only beneficiaries of a will, not executors, do they need to be told that they are in the will, until the estate is settled and they get a cheque


So sorry that you are having to deal with all of this :grouphug:

BlondeHeadOn

whatatwit wrote: »

As they are only beneficiaries of a will, not executors, do they need to be told that they are in the will, until the estate is settled and they get a cheque


So sorry that you are having to deal with all of this :grouphug:

This was one of my questions - it would be a lot easier to deal with if I don't have to tell them yet!

I'm not sure what legally I have to do with regard to informing them though...?...?....

Errata

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

This was one of my questions - it would be a lot easier to deal with if I don't have to tell them yet!

I'm not sure what legally I have to do with regard to informing them though...?...?....

I was a beneficiary of a relative's will a couple of years ago. I knew nothing about it until the solicitors contacted me to confirm my details so they could send me a cheque.

never_enough

I also was just sent a cheque with no prior contact & just assumed that was what happened.

As long as you have everything clearly documented I don't see what the problem could (?should?) be. If you wish to keep some items (furniture etc) the value of those can just be taken from 'your' share of inheritance. [And you'll find that the monetary value of items is often vastly over estimated by owners. You only have to go to an antique auction to see how cheaply you can purchase some really beautiful pieces.] I know that's not important for you, but it could be for them if they think their Grandfather had something worth lots. :rolleyes: On the other hand there were a few things from my Grandmothers house that I would've loved. None worth much but all a part of my childhood. I was very upset when I heard that almost everything was cleared by a company for peanuts. That money all went to the church anyway, but I would've gladly paid for the few things I loved. Do you think they should have the opportunity to have something to keep? Of course, it's practically guaranteed that they'll want whatever you do!

I don't know about the primary/secondary inheritance situation, but think you should have a chat with a solicitor first to make sure the children can't come back & be a nuisance.

Good luck with it all.

EmmaA_2

If you are the sole executor of the estate then what you say goes basically. They are just beneficiaries and dont really have that much say in what happens. They can contest it but I would think they would not get anywhere with it. I would however advise you to instruct solicitors as soon as possible, even if it is just to have then on hand if things get tricky.

As for collecting in the estate, as long as you collect in all monies, (you could try and keep them in a seperate account so the beneficiaries cant accuse you of anything), keep copies of all correspondence/letters you send out and even copies of the cheques you bank then you will have covered your back. If you get valuations on the property make sure you get at least 3, and you can use the average price.

With regard to any "items" you would like from the property it might be an idea to deal with it by writing to them and ask if there anything they would like. At least you have given them the chance to speak up about it - you could always ask the solicitor to do that bit. On the other hand, it is your father and you would be more entitled to items than they would.

I hope you can get things sorted but would advise that if you dont feel you can deal with them, ask the solicitor to deal with them. The cost of the solicitors will come out of the estate and the less work they do the lower the bill will be at the end.

I used to work in a probate department in a law firm and have seen lots of cases like this - sometimes they go through quickly other times they take a lot longer than needed because of one or two awkward family members!!

PM me if there is anything else you need, I still work in a law firm so can get a bit of advice for you

Mojisola

EmmaA wrote: »

With regard to any "items" you would like from the property it might be an idea to deal with it by writing to them and ask if there anything they would like. At least you have given them the chance to speak up about it - you could always ask the solicitor to do that bit. On the other hand, it is your father and you would be more entitled to items than they would.

As you know they are going to difficult, I wouldn't do this. It will only give them an opportunity to argue with you.

Stick exactly to the letter of the will as it applies to them. Record everything you do. Remember you are the executor and are in control.

If they question you before things are finished, politely refuse to discuss the will.

BlondeHeadOn

EmmaA wrote: »

With regard to any "items" you would like from the property it might be an idea to deal with it by writing to them and ask if there anything they would like. At least you have given them the chance to speak up about it - you could always ask the solicitor to do that bit. On the other hand, it is your father and you would be more entitled to items than they would.

Mojisola wrote: »

As you know they are going to difficult, I wouldn't do this. It will only give them an opportunity to argue with you.

Stick exactly to the letter of the will as it applies to them. Record everything you do. Remember you are the executor and are in control.

If they question you before things are finished, politely refuse to discuss the will.

I think I prefer your approach Mojosola - I agree that I would be just giving them an opportunity to argue about the contents, and I'm sure that all they would be interested in is the money! But they would argue over other things just to be awkward.

I absolutely hate this situation. Oh well, at least I get to call the shots, I suppose!