Please can I get something off my chest

TotallyBroke

Hi I just want to shout and vent my anger. There is absolutely nothing I can do about the situation but I feel I need to get it all off my chest. I really do not know where to start as the more I think about the situation the more lies I can see.

Basically my ExOH has a child from a previous relationship, he has not seen this child for years. Contact was made via texts with the Mum and we would receive pictures. We would make arrangements to travel to see them but always just before the agreed date something would come up and she would cancel and say we couldn't go.
Every month we would send cash up by registered post and then we started to pay it into her partner's account so she didn't have to wait in for the postman (stupid I know and hence why now nothing can be done). It was not a lot of money, less than the CSA would take but a lot more than what she would get through the CSA.
She can be a complete b*t*h at times and has really been a nightmare. She would text asking us for extra money for this and that, asking for the money early. She would threaten me when we said no and so on.
Then the big bombshell happens. Somehow a family member of her's has been in touch with ExOH and exposed her lies. They sent proof in the post which arrived at my house yesterday. She has not had parental responsibility of said child for the last 3years. The child lives with another family member, she has visitation access but apparantly rarely chooses to visit. So all this time we have been sending money each month to her for nothing. The child has never seen a penny of it and apparantly the money ExOH sent up at the end of May was spent on a weekend out and a new wardrobe.

I'm so angry I want to ring her and shout and scream. To tell her that although she has screwed us over big time it was not worth the money she was paid. I feel used and abused. My own stupid fault I should've trusted my instincts but what is done is done. To be honest it has nothing to do with me anymore as Ex and I are no longer together.

I would love to threaten her with small claims court but we would not have any proof to do so. I'm not an evil person to wish her major harm but have been thinking that the next time she goes out on the lash that she falls over flat on her face. Or that she gets too fat to wear the new wardrobe.

But most of all I want to know why? I absolutely hate lies which is one of the reasons ExOH and I are not together. We would text most evenings and chat about the kids. She'd tell me how she had just put lo into bed etc and all the time it was a complete lie. All the time she is laughing at gullible me.
Stealing the money from us is not the issue if she had been giving it to the little lad and saying it was from her but she's done nothing but been a selfish runt and lied.

Does anyone know any bad luck spells that I can do on her, or know how to remove the one hanging over my life.

AAARRRGGGGHHHHH she is so lucky she lives at the other end of the country.
Feel slightly better knowing that she is scum but am still so angry with myself for allowing me to be well and truely sh*fted.

HariboJunkie

I know the money issue is annoying and her lies are despicable but is your OH's priority not to now make contact with his child? Maybe it will be easier now that the child is with someone else and something good can actually come out of this mess so your OH can actually have a relationship with his own child. If she is the reason he has lost contact with the child, now would be a good opportunity to rectify that, although I think he might have persisted in seeing his son before now. Of course there may be other reasons why he hasn't...

KellyWelly

Spells? lol?

Why can't you take recourse to get the money back? If you have proof through bank records that the money was given to her it might be worth going to small claims.

The only consolation I can offer is you reap what you sow, and she's been sowing poo.

Paparika

next time she makes contact for money tell her no, you want to see the child, and see how far she pushes it with her empty threats, report her to child benefit to make sure she isnt getting that, is she on benefits? ring them and check she isn't claiming for a child she doesn't have with her, working tax credits/tax credits etc etc

you can ruin her world just as much as she has ruined yours, hopefully this will put a smile back on your face.

you may not get your money back, but you can make sure she isn't getting any more than she is entitled to.

TotallyBroke

HariboJunkie wrote: »

I know the money issue is annoying and her lies are despicable but is your OH's priority not to now make contact with his child? Maybe it will be easier now that the child is with someone else and something good can actually come out of this mess so your OH can actually have a relationship with his own child. If she is the reason he has lost contact with the child, now would be a good opportunity to rectify that, although I think he might have persisted in seeing his son before now. Of course there may be other reasons why he hasn't...

The family member who is now the legal guardian has not given an idea of whether contact will be allowed. She has said that my ExOH could be 1 of many potential fathers but that she will allow a DNA test to be done to be sure. She also sent him some photos. There have been lots of lies about the child as to why contact has not been kept but maybe now they will have some sort of contact.

KellyWelly wrote: »

Spells? lol?

Why can't you take recourse to get the money back? If you have proof through bank records that the money was given to her it might be worth going to small claims.

The only consolation I can offer is you reap what you sow, and she's been sowing poo.

This is the thing there are no records other than me withdrawing cash from my account and then a few minutes later paying for Recorded Delivery post. There is no proff that money was actually put in the envelope. As for money that was paid into the bank account of boyfriend she has already told family that we are paying back a loan from him. It would also cost a fortune to go through what with solicitors, courts etc. I'd rather the fat cow just choked on the next drink she buys with the cash.

Paparika wrote: »

next time she makes contact for money tell her no, you want to see the child, and see how far she pushes it with her empty threats, report her to child benefit to make sure she isnt getting that, is she on benefits? ring them and check she isn't claiming for a child she doesn't have with her, working tax credits/tax credits etc etc

you can ruin her world just as much as she has ruined yours, hopefully this will put a smile back on your face.

you may not get your money back, but you can make sure she isn't getting any more than she is entitled to.

She will not be claiming any benefits for him as it is all legal that the family member has custody for him so I'm sure she'll be claiming CB etc. ExOH will be telling her exactly where to go but it's a shame I cannot do the same. Part of me wishes Ex had never told me about all this. As far as I am aware she is on benefits but I do not have details of address or anything. I have her name and DOB but that is it.