16 year old daughter

caz51_3

This is my first time on here .My daughter has just left school and now seems to think she can do anything she likes. I always said when she left school she could stay out later but the last few nites she has got up after midnite and not returned until 2.30am. I am worried wat she is doing and who she is with,
Has anyone been through this and has any advise
thanks

ellawood

Hi yes I have been there it is so hard can you talk to her I know that is not easy my dd tells me I want to rule her life but of course I just want her safe so sometimes I keep asking were she goes and who with even though I am getting my head bit off
shes not too bad now she works late and they all go out after so can come in a 4am at times but when she does that is is dropped out side the house but I know she is with a nice group who work hard and so that is there social life as they all sleep in the day start work after 6 and go out at night (but not every night)
she is nearly 19 now and is better at telling me what she is upto and who with HTH

Knub

caz51 wrote: »

This is my first time on here .My daughter has just left school and now seems to think she can do anything she likes. I always said when she left school she could stay out later but the last few nites she has got up after midnite and not returned until 2.30am. I am worried wat she is doing and who she is with,
Has anyone been through this and has any advise
thanks

Left school now? Finished exams?

She probably best start looking for a full/part-time job then, depending on if she is looking with continuing on to college?

With a job she might get a dose of real world. It will also be a good excuse for her not to be out all hours as she has to goto work?

If she is taking the privaledges of being an adult then perhaps you should start removing some of the privaledges of being a child? Balance one with the other.

The final thing to do is to talk to her. Explain you're not comfortable with her staying out that late and whilst you appreciate what it's like to be her age she needs to at least tell you where she is and roughly what time you can expect her home. Just because you are a worrying parents and she will understand one day, etc, etc.

Finally, if you're not happy with the way she is or her attitude, it is your house at the end of the day - make an official cirfew and stick to it. If she doesn't adhere - start removing more privaledges.

That's how I'd do it.

peachyprice

I take it you and/or your OH work?
I'd start with telling her that staying out to 2.30 am your your work nights just isn't on. There's nothing worse than lying in bed waiting for their key in the door, and to stay out during the week in incredibly inconsiderate for working parents.

Reach a compromise whereby she can stay out to a pre-arranged time as long as you know where she's going.

She's still 'only' 16 although I'm sure she thinks she's all grown up, but as long as she wants the creature comforts of home she has to live by some ground rules.

You really need to sit down and talk to her about what she wants, how that effects you, and reach a compromise you're both happy with.

**confuzzled**

This sounds like me at that age:eek: I was horrible, made my mums life a nightmare....luckily I'm really nice now and get on with my parents:D

I'd suggest talking to her one to one as an adult and ask her why she feels the need to do this and then explain(calmly) why you're not so keen on her current choices.(worked a treat with me, I acted like a child coz I was treated like one:rolleyes:)
If shes going to continue her education, suggest she gets a part-time job so she can earn money so she can buy a new wardrobe for when she starts:D
If she isn't continuing education then she needs to get a job and start supporting herself and contributing to the household, help her with a career plan and suggest what jobs she may be suited to as you know what she's good at, probably better than she does;)

Hope this helps and Good Luck x

4Chickens

Hi Caz51

I am going through a similar thing with my son at the moment. He turned 16 in March and has his own scooter. His curfew is 10pm, not a minute later. He has a gf that lives in a village near by and he can only stay out later if it is a special event.
My biggest problem with him at the moment is that he won't get up and go to work. He can work every day with his dad but he comes up with excuses. I have had a shouting match with him every morning for the past two weeks. I agree with an earlier post that if they want the priveliges of being an adult then they have to relinquish their childhood priveliges. My son has to pay for his own mobile phone bill and his scooter insurance, tax and fuel. He is fighting me all the way but I have pointed out that guests don't pay their way, therefore he is a guest in my house and should respect me as his hostess, particularly if he wants his washing done and meals cooked for him. It's like the 'terrible two's' but with a 5ft 10in toddler.

caz51_3

Thanks a lot for all your replys it has given me some ideas i have already told her i dont like her going out at midnite and we actually didnt have a slanging match.You have to pick the right time to approach the subject well any subject with her as she is very strong minded. What i cant understand is she is in all day (or out with me) and then goes out when we r in bed.
It just gets harder the older they get

robnye

we are in the same situation, middle daughter last exam today in fact....

alreayd told her that we didnt want her staying out too late in the week...

but we are only adults..... and parents and dont know nothing......

i think tv/media play up the world in the wrong light, regardless of how they try to show reality..... teenagers see this and believe it....
but when you try and tell them a few home truths.... ie no the dinner does not buy itself/cook itself/ clean up after it self......

eldest daughter has just finished 1st year at uni, as is currently somewhere in the south of france working...... let us know where you are we said.... do you think she has....

caz51_3

Hi
she has gone out now and has promised she will be in early mainly because she is shattered we will have to wait and see

The_Banker_5

Haha, I'm glad to know its not just my kids.:D

I did think that they might be unique but reading this thread they sound just like everyone elses.:D

_:sophie:__2

hey, im 20 years old and did the same thing at 16, but it is pretty normal. There is very little open to to people under 18. I'm very close to my mum now and we will sit talking about everything over a glass of rose (which usually turns in to consuming a bottle or two), the one thing i have learnt through all of our chats is that parents (especially mums) worry about their daughters more, probably because the daughters is replicating the same behaviour as the parent did at the same age.

i know from my mum that all the things i used to do that she'd worry about she did when she was 16. Try to see it from her point of view and remember how you were when you were 16. Just trust her judgement and be there for her as a mum and a friend. If you treat her with respect, trust and as an adult (not saying that this isnt what you are already doing) and talk openly to her about your concerns, she'll treat you the same way in return, also by doing this with her and her friends you'll be that cool mum everyone loves.

I don't know if this helps, but i hope so. Good Luck (not that you need it, sounds to me like your already doing a great job) xx