Feeling guilty what would you do

immortalprincess

alfiesmum wrote: »

We're overpaying to clear our mortgage asap as well, but I think it's important to have a balance. You say in your first post that 'We have emergency savings as a family', but then go on to say in another 'Sometimes if he needs new clothes or shoes etc and Ic ant afford to get him them, I will take the money out of his bank account.'
I think that if your son needs new clothes, then this should be a family expense, and not be taken from his own savings. If he fancies a new football top or something, then that's different, it's a treat, but you did say if he needed them which I think's a bit different. For us, it's important to have a balance in life, yes we throw every spare penny at the mortgage, but if your kid needs shoes, then surely that comes first?

Hi There,

I wasnt very clear with the "sometimes if he needs new clothes I will take the money out of his bank account". This was in the past before we had any family savings. Obviously if I can afford to put savings in the bank then I can afford to buy my kids clothes and or shoes, is that not what everyone would do .
If he wants a football top or football boots etc, then he has to save for that himself. He gets pocket money from his uncles and his gran (it isnt alot about £1 or so every couple of weeks or thereabouts.

A balance in life is important but for some reason I feel as if I should put more money in his bank account and I think this is because of what my SIL said

immortalprincess

calleyw wrote: »

The only thing I would say is what about if your children want to go to uni ?

You will have little time to make up the money to afford to help them if that is what you want to do.

I understand about wanting to pay off the mortgage quickly. But and the big but is things happen. Do you have adequate cover in terms of income protection etc etc etc.

Do you have 3-6 months of wages saved just in case.

Yours

Calley

Hi Calley,

yes in one of my posts I did mention that we have family savings, so we have our rainy day money.

That is my big concern if we dont have enough money for him and he decides to go to uni or college. However saying that, I never received anything from my parents, and I had to put myself through uni, it never did me any harm I suppose as its made me careful with money and made me feel proud that I could stand on my own 2 feet and provide for myself.

alfiesmum

immortalprincess wrote: »

I think the reason why I feel guilty about this is because my SIL was saying that she has £5000 in her daughters account, she puts £20 by every month for her.

I wouldn't worry about what your sister in law does hun. Her daughter must be older than your son is she? Just thinking, at an average 3% interest rate, adding £20 a month would take over 16 years to get to £5000, so she might be romancing a little bit there to make it sound better for her family.

I didn't mean to offend you about taking money out of your sons account for him to buy his own clothes and shoes but as you mentioned it twice, I thought this was the case, as that's what you wrote.

You're WAY ahead paying your mortgage, and I think that's a great example to be setting your kids. Showing them it can be done with financial savvy, you're obviously on a budget (I know I am!) to be able to achieve this, and whether or not you give your son money at a designated age, I'm sure with you as a mum he's gonna have cash when he needs it, if he's learnt anything as he's growing up! You're setting such a good example for them, I certainly wouldn't be worried that there's no lump sum for them.

Best of luck continuing your overpaying.

alfiesmum
xx

calleyw

immortalprincess wrote: »

Hi Calley,

yes in one of my posts I did mention that we have family savings, so we have our rainy day money.

That is my big concern if we dont have enough money for him and he decides to go to uni or college. However saying that, I never received anything from my parents, and I had to put myself through uni, it never did me any harm I suppose as its made me careful with money and made me feel proud that I could stand on my own 2 feet and provide for myself.

You did mention emergency savings but then mentioned about using a lot of them to pay off the mortgage early so was not really sure that you had 3-6 months worth of wages .

Yours


Calley

ShineOn

We have just a few months left before the mortgage is finally paid off and I confess there is little left in the piggy bank for either a rainy day or a nestegg for the kiddies.

However, at 46, what we now have is peace of mind; no fretting that if we lose our jobs the house will be taken away from us, no worries that if anything should happen to my wife and I the young 'uns will be destitute, no cold sweats at night worrying if we can pay the bills.

By paying the final £33k of our mortgage 10 years early we have saved £8k in interest payments alone - isn't that a better way to sort out the future rather than paying into a savings account with paltry interest?

As has been said several times on this post, life is all about striking the right balance between enjoying life to the full and saving for a rainy day.
While we've enjoyed some cracking holidays over the years, I'm sure we would have been financially better off if inspiring forums like this had been around when we were young.

My advice to immortalprincess would be to shower your kiddies with affection rather than promises of a bumper payout. They will love you far more for it.

In the meantime, keep chipping away at the mortgage and one day you won't know what to spend your cash on first..

StuartGMC

To add a few further thoughts, as our daughter is 11. She gets pocket money from us, and is lucky enough to receive some amounts from her grandparents. However her comment on these are that the pocket money is for some fun things plus saving for items she would like but the other monies count towards her college fund.

A question for you; do you actively discuss finances with your children?

We have done for a long time, noting the need to save for things you want or have to pay for (unplanned car problems for example, or the annual holiday). She knows of our MFW plans and what that means in terms of not having the takeaway except on a rare occasion etc and why we have this plan which we as a FAMILY share.

We moved money from her savings account into Post Office bond for one year, but, the critical point is that she was fully involved in the discussion and review of interest rates on that bond vs the building society etc and it has always been discussed as long term savings. She listened and understood the idea of only putting in the bond 12months until we know what is happening with interest rates etc. The idea is she starts to look at rates as she grows, gains the habit so she can manage her finances well, we hope.

Our intention will be to clear the mortgage and have time to then have funds available (in our names most likely) to assist her from 18 depending upon what happens. However, she is learning of the need to do chores to earn her pocket money increase now and that things don't just land in your lap.

This subject of providing or not is very personal, subject to household capacity to provide it, but in all cases I think open and frank discussion with children is far better than the "don't worry them about money" attitude that prevailed when I was young, with inflation roaring away, three day weeks, strikes, redundancy threat etc and obvious stress on my father but at the time it wasn't done to talk to 8-10yr olds about money. Get them into questioning value, saving and planning expenditure etc and it will stand them in good stead. Keeping things hidden or allowing misconception to develop may lead to issues later?