Co-Habiting?

Christie_L

Hi All, I realise I should really see a solicitor about this, but I wondered if any of you had been in the same situation, or had any advice you could share. Basically I have been living with my boyfriend for the past two years, and paying half of all the mortgage and bills. He is in some debt (about £8,000) and I have been giving him the odd chunk of money to pay off some of his credit cards. I don't have any debts and have a modest amount of savings.

The house we live in is mortgaged in his sole name.

Since we moved in together I had always assumed it was with the intention that we would one day get married, so I didn't consider it to be a problem that I was effectively taking myself out of the property market and contributing towards the purchase of his house.

A couple of our friends are getting married in June and I casually asked bf if we would get married one day (I am in my 30's, and feel like I have a biological clock ticking!). His response was that he had never really thought about it, and seemed to be more interested in the TV than discussing it.

I really hate to sound sceptical and uncaring towards him, but previous bf's have messed me around in a similar way and I'm not sure if I've been niave again and am making the same mistake twice.

If we split up, is it likely that I would be entitled to at least some money back in the form of my share of the mortgage payments? or should I ask him to name me on the mortgage? Failing that I could take out a mortgage in my own name and get back onto the property market, but he would probably wonder why I would want to buy my own place whilst I'm living with him.

Sorry to ramble, I've been stressing about this for a while and don't really have any family who could give me useful advice.

Christie xx

bestpud

Hi Christie

I don't know the answer but found this:

http://www.borneolinnells.co.uk/Services_Available/Family_Issues/Cohabitation

I guess you're right, you need to seek legal advice as there doesn't seem to be a simple solution to your problem.

Sorry, not much help!

Helen

melt71

Hi Christie,

Yes I do think that you have been extremely trusting towards him, which from a financial point of view is fine now, but even if you ever did get married it would not be cut and dry that you would 'own' half of the house as it's in his name (certainly for a short term marriage it only seems to work this way if children are involved).

Firstly you may be worrying for nothing, just because he doesn't seem bothered about marriage does not mean that he isn't committed to you and intend to be with you longterm. I would speak to him (preferably when the tv is switched off :rolleyes: ) and tell him that the financial side of things are making you worry and feel insecure. If he has an incling of common sense, he will understand why. Stress to him that you are not saying that you see the pair of you splitting up, but lets face it - you just never know what will happen.

Is there any way that you can easily combine the finances? Maybe do it officially with a joint bank account and ensure that it is obvious that all of the bills are split. You can each keep separate accounts as well for your individual spends, but I do think you should have an official bills account. The house would be my main concern though, why is it in his sole name? If you have paid a major chunk of it and pay towards the mortgage you have a right to be on the deeds. Is there anyway that you can suggest a remortgage as a couple? It may be worth doing this anyway to try to get a better interest rate?

HTH

Mel

headchef

Although I'm cohabiting, I'm not fussed about being married (am divorced). But I do understand why you are concerned and you have every right to be. I moved in with OH on the same day he bought the house but as I'd had two years of drifting since my divorce and redundancy I didn't feel I could ask to be put on the deeds as I had 'nothing' (money wise) to give. Well i did start contributing and of couse, I 'gave' in other ways - particualry in cooking, cleaning, ironing etc :rolleyes:
It took a while for me to tackle the subject of being put on the deeds and OH was very difficult about it (cheeky so-and-so). 'But why do you need to be on the deeds?' I stood my ground and gently perservered (believe me it was like drawing teeth). It took over 2 years to come to an agreement but we finally got there.
You must tackle it and come to some agreement. Has he had the house a very long time? If he has then you can always have the equity split into a proportion of what each party has put in.
But it seems unfair for you to be in such a vulnerable position because as it stands, if he wanted you out for whatever reason, he can get you out. You have, at the moment, no RIGHT to live there.
Please post again and let us know your feelings, even if at the mo you think you can't tackle this issue in one go. It is difficult and emotional

Christie_L

Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. Helen - thanks for the link, spookily that firm of solicitors is in my area so I have contacted them to find out their fees.

Bf & I have a joint account, and this account as of March 2006 has paid all our joint commitments, including the mortgage. Before then I used to withdraw cash, or write him a cheque for half the bills & mortgage (stupid I know..). This all came to a head (in my mind anyway) last weekend when he announced he wanted to go & buy a new car on HP - and he's already in debt to the tune of about £8,000. The thing is that we already have a car which is costing us £150pm in loan repayments, and that's not including tax, MOT, insurance, petrol, repairs etc etc. In the past year I've worked out that I've given him around £3,000 towards his debts, and if I work out what I've contributed to the mortgage it comes to around £7,000. So that's £10,000 approx that I've given him in 2 years (I feel a bit sick having just worked that out ).

Do you think I should ask him to name me on the deeds? He has had the house quite a long time - about 10 years, and I don't want anything that's not mine. I'm just getting a bit nervous, especially when he said he hadn't even thought about marriage, and announced instead that he 'needed' a new car - which would put him further into debt.

I don't know why this is but I find it really hard to talk to him about things that are potentially contentious like this. I just know that I'll get really emotional and either end up sounding like I'm out to get him - or I'll back down and feel worthless and like I've been taken for a mug.

I don't know how on earth I end up in these complicated relationships - sometimes I think I'd be better off on my own :undecided

NAR

Christie, can I suggest a way of approaching this which hopefully will cause least confrontation.
Say that you are very concerned that if anything ever happened to him (accident, sudden terminal illness etc) that you would be left with nothing, as you have no security over anything. I would ask that you get put onto the deeds, so that if anything did ever happen to him at least you have security of a roof over your head.
That way he won't feel under any pressure re marriage etc and hopefully will understand things from your point of view.
I agree with others, don't let this drag on, otherwise you will be the one to lose out.

lizzie12_2

Hi Christie-l.I have been in a similar situation so i know how you feel.
I paid the deposit on our house and had a solicitor draw up plans so the house could not be sold without my knowledge. I felt i had to protect myself as we were not married at the time and he agreed. We paid the bills between us and have our own accounts which works well. Good luck

mdean

Hi Christie_L, it seems to me you should decide between you what you want - and then get legal/financial advice to make your arrangements legal.

Personally I find the idea of 'putting a partner on the deeds' a bit odd - In strict financial terms he should sell you half the house

That would mean you could remortage in joint names - (with joint and several liability) -at todays valuation, and maybe your OH could pay off his debts with the money raised- and you would be on a firm footing.

Remember the arrangement does not have to be 50:50 but could reflect different contributions say 66:33. More importantly a legal agreement would record you as 'tenants in common' (I think) which would protect you on death.

You can obviously continue with top money saving by being unmarried - but if children come along do give dad the legal parental responsibility agreement etc good luck