making a complaint to social services, ex wifes father a perv

mystic_bertie

ill get to the point, i have seperated for 18 months, my ex is letting my 2 girls come into contact with her father which i am not happy about but i am powerless to stop it. The reason being she told me a while ago her father sexually molested her as a child, also about 4 year ago he was charged with sexual assault against a drunk female and he got off with not proven (scottish law).

so i cant contact her for legal reasons and i am powerless to do anything to stop my kids coming into contact with this man

i cannot say if her claims are true as she was a bit depressed and had attention seeking habits. but i am still concerned

what should i do, is social services the right place to go with my concern and should i remain annonymus? what kind of action would they take with this kind of information

Broken_hearted

Hugs can't offer advice really, if it's reported she may take her fathers side. hopefully someone better to help will come along soon. Try to stay strong.

mystic_bertie

ok thanks very much

hjb123

If you really feel this way you must act on it. This is your childrens lives you are talking about! Do you see them at all? If you are at all worried contact the social services and see what they say - ask them first without disclosing any details what the situation would be.

Good luck

Dora_the_Explorer_5

so i cant contact her for legal reasons and i am powerless to do anything to stop my kids coming into contact with this man

Clearly you have serious concerns about the safety of your children.
Talking to Social Services would be one option, and another one would be the NSPCC who might be happy to discuss things 'hypothetically' and give you some guidance. If you contact Social Services your concerns will be taken seriously and it will immediately become a child protection issue.

cheddar

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

If you contact Social Services your concerns will be taken seriously and it will immediately become a child protection issue.

Although I do think you should get some advice, I do not agree with the above comment. It will NOT immediately become a CP Issue at all. SS have to investigate things first, they will not run in all guns blazing. It is that kind of comment that scares people into not ringing SS with their concerns.

If it were the case then I could ring them up about my next door neighbour (who look after their 6 kids fine) and say I think they are being abused etc... SS would not immediately think it was a CP issue as they would need to investigate.

They will take it seriously but they will need to build a case on the information given by you and by involving other agencies. You can stay anonymous throughout the whole thing. You can even sometimes report it online via your Local Authorities Website.

(Btw I don't mean to be having a go at you Dora it just winds me up a bit! )

fsdss

by all concerns ss WOULD make it a child protection issue based on the fact that he was previously charged with a sexual offence,(makes little difference if he was conviced i'm afraid) and they would investigate it as a matter of routine, now weather the children were in unsupervised contact with him would make a difference to their evaluation of risk.
you can report your concerns to ss confidentially, they would not disclose the informant unless ordered by a court (which would be unlikely, as you have not witnessed any wrongdoing).

just to clarify it would be a child protection issue as there is an element of risk to a childs welfare / safety being disclosed, but i agree they wouldn't go in guns blazing until they had done all of their background checks.

Peakma

What a nightmare,whether it's true or not you don't know,so you must do something incase it's true( I don't know what -sorry not much help).
Awful as it is this stuff does happen,my cousin told me a few years ago,that when she was a child her other granfather sexually abused her for a number of years,and it totally messed her up(as it would) she is still on medication for depession and she can't look back on her childhood and see a rosy picture.Please make sure you protect your daughters from having to go through the same.Good luck.

TIGs

You have to do something about it a friend of mine was abused by her grandfather when she was young she told her parents but they didn't believe her and it continued till he was locked up (she was 40 by then), it all came to light a couple of years ago when one of my friends nieces told her parents he was abusing her too, turns out he'd abused my friend and then moved onto friends neices too.

When it came to court my friend was blamed by her whole family for not standing up to him, she now feels guilty for letting it happen her parents still don't believe he did it and neither does his wife (my mates grandmother) her brothers blame her for letting him move onto their daughters (which i can understand) he was locked up last year and died in prison from cancer, my friends grandmother now blames her and says it was because he was sent to prison that he died.

You have to do something or you will never forgive yourself if anything happens, Maybe the girls could live with you till its sorted out?

pickle

Obviously you need to take it to social services but be prepared if they are sceptical as you are the "ex" and so, rightly, they have to be cautious. But paramount is the childrens safety and that will be their ultimate aim.

mystic_bertie

thanks to you all for your opinions and helpful advice, im sorry i did not get back sooner but i think the forums was down as i could not get in to read the replies, anyway i think i will contact ss and see what they say, no point doing nothing.

one thing though i wonder would they just question my ex cause if she denies it all then that would be that, im just wondering if they would approach her father too.