Separation, divorce, house, kids - aaaaaaaahhhh!!!

nurse2009

Very long and complicated (well to me it is!) story! Right here goes_ my husband and I separated 10 months ago - we have two young children, had been married for eight years but together for twelve years. When we met he owned his own house but when we married eighteen months later the house was put into joint names. We moved a few years later and then again five years ago- each time as joint owners. I worked full-time until I had my first child and started working from home when baby number 2 was six months old - mainly as i hated not having my own money and having to justify every penny I spent. In total I didn't work for about three and a half years - I had post natal depression after both children and spent all my time on my own. I was so unhappy as my husband did nothing to help me as he felt the fact that he was working was his sole job and the children and the house were my 'job'. Anyway, drifting off the point now! I started working from home and built up a fantastic network of friends (never had any help whatsoever from his family who live locally but my family help when they can although they live a long way away) who are always available when i need a hand. Our relationship was making me so unhappy as there was no relationship really. I became friendly with a dad from the school but it was never more than friendship-hubby found the texts which were dodgy but nothing in it. We talked for the first time in years and were getting on well. I then discovered he was doing the same thing a few months later which didn't really bother me-showing me that my feelings weren't that strong anyway. The final straw was when we went on holiday and i discovered he had been using his phone while we were away to email another woman. They were saying they loved each other and the holiday was 'purely for the children'. We separated a few weeks later.

I am in the house and since January have paid the mortgage and everything connected to this house. During our marriage my husband saved all the time and accumulated about £55000 which he put towards his new house and I gave him £15000 which I had inherited from my grans death. He has his own house and pays for it all himself. He pleads poverty and doesn't pay me a penny towards the children. I have had odd sums given to me probably totalling about £200. He wants me to sell the house and refuses to give me a key. My small income is boosted by tax credits so i doubt i could increase the mortgage based on this. He won't give me back his keys so i feel like he can come in whenever he pleases. He also wants a divorce now - doesn't want to wait and refuses to see the children-will not set up contact and will just turn up on the doorstep wanting to see them. My oldest child is suffering as he rings occassionally which upsets her. I just don't know what to do about the house or maintenance etc as i do feel guilty that i was the one that wanted the separation in the first place. He keeps telling me i've broken up the family and it's all my fault. What do i do?? I just want to get on with my life!!!

gizmo111

You need to see a solicitor and work out a financial settlement and an arrangement for him to see the kids. At present he doesn't have to give you his keys and technically if he chooses then he can move back in!
The money you had seperately will be treated jointly and split accordingly to ensure the children have a roof over their heads and this is likely to mean that you stay in the house and he will have what is known as a mesher order over what is decided is his share of the property - and don't assume it will be 50% - it is liekly to be a lot less. If you cna pay the mortgage but cannot get one on your own then the court will order that you make best endeavours to remove his name from it - if you cant remortgage by yourself then he is stuck on it. He is just as responsible for providing the children a home as you are.
He is already adequately rehoused so providing you can afford the mortgage, then selling will not be ordered by the court and he cannot make you sell.
The mesher order will ahve triggers for sale on it - ususally if you live with someone for 6 months, remarry, or the youngest leaves full time education. In addition he will have to pay maintenance for the children. It soen't matter whose fault it was you split, the courts aren't interested it makes no difference to the financial settlement - which will include all joint assets and pensions, as well as debts.
More info on www.ondivorce.co.uk

Alias_Omega

Another one,

If you want to change the locks, and they are UPVC doors, replacement locks can be bought for £4.50 delivered, and just take a '+' head screwdriver to change.

Can tell you how (via PM) if you cant find it in google.

TheEffect

Get a solicitor. It wont be sorted on it's own. Get the ball rolling.

loopy_lass3101

Hi Nurse2009

I think that you are being more than reasonable. if i were you i would change the locks and get a solicitor involved. make sure that you mention that you have given him money!

when it happened to me i went to the csa and was told that he had to give me a certain amount each month. this was fine until he decided that he was going to stop paying the mortgage. i was only working 16 hours a week with a 2 year old to look after and childminders fee's to pay. yes tax credits did top me up but it doesn't stop you worrying about where the next meal is coming from. eventually we decided that i would pay the csa money towards the mortgage and he would pay the rest. i am moving the beginning of next year (hopefully!!!) with my hubby to be and he will only get a third of the profit from the sale of our house!!!

Good luck hun.

hope everything works out well
loopy_lass3101