Planning a divorce but unusual financial situation!

gizmo111

It's a complicated one to be sure try www.ondivorce.co.uk but I am guessing you will need to get specialist advice.

The children will be entitled to support, and she will have to think about finding somewhere to rent most likely, unless the business can release some assets to buy her somewhere outright.
She will be entitled to some of his half of the business, and the family may have to look into raising a loan to pay her off, or she may get a share of his 50% in some manner. There is also pension provisions to consider.
Really she needs to sit down with her husband and work out what is possible and what is not and use that as a starting point - curious about the planning a divorce comment!

What did she live on before she married?

yoni_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Did I miss the bit about domestic abuse in this situation?

ROW offers free legal advice to women on other matters too -

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Unfortunately there isn't enough room in the signature area to make that clear

emlou2009

what an awful situation for her ex OH. he met, i assume fell in love with, married this woman and took care of her by working long hours and taking no days off so she didnt have to do a days work for 7 years and now he has to deal with her trying to get what she thinks she is "entitled to" - the business and home he had before he even met her. sounds a bit mills/mccartney to me, i'm afraid!

Emmzi

is the marriage 100% over?

would the farm crisis network be able to help with counselling?

http://www.farmcrisisnetwork.co.uk/who

personally I am not a fan of religious based help, but there arent a load of organisations who understand this special situation that well!

code-a-holic

Oops, i wasnt very clear at the beginning, She does not work at the moment. She is on a career break with the nhs, has been for nearly 2 years now. Before that she worked for 10 years in the same position so had her own pot of money but this has now all gone during this career break. She can go back to work when she likes but with the youngest child being 3 the plan was to wait until she was in full time school.

She does not plan to make demands on the farm estate to provide for her. She has spent 7 years being reliant on the farm for everything and as lucky and greatful she is, im sure all of us would like to make our own choices about the home we live in.

I have suggested she tries a seperation before rushing divorce papers, but there has been no relationship between them for some time and she is quite sure that once she makes the decision to call it a day she wont look back.
Farmers do work very hard to provide for their families, but this one does not show any interest in the family he has has made and i find it heartbreaking to watch never mind be the wife of the children involved. The house is on a field a mile from the main farm, he goes to work at 5am and very rarely comes back to the house in the day, he will stay at the main farm, takes any breaks in his parents house there and paying more attention to his brothers children than his own. His main jobs are milking and his family tell him to spend the rest of the day at home, but he wont - this is very hurtful to his wife and children. The days he promises to come home the children will wait for hours for a no show. And when he does come home, he's straight on the sofa and falls asleep there, granted he's worked all day, but he also has a family that would enjoy a hello!
Unreasonalbe behaviour would be on divorce papers!

Anyway, rambling background detail not relevant to the money saving bit!

During the marriage she has always used her own bank account for day to day purchases never taking money from the joint bank account until the last few months as her savings have been used up from not working. But she has to ask OH to transfer to her account as she does not have a card or cheque book for the account or know any security details. She has never wanted to use this money as she felt it was his more than hers.... but i argue he should have been using his money too over the years. There is a tidy amount in the joint bank account as he has not bought anything much more than socks for years!

I dont envy anyone going through a divorce - its all so complicated. She has asked me to help as its all new to her (rent, bills, money worries) but the divorce side of it is new to me too!

I jusdt hope that she gets a chance to speak with him about it soon, but he never comes home so hard to pin him down to tell him! I could spend a long time telling stories that would make your jaw drop, bless him - he is a nice man but he really pays no attention to his family and id love to shake him and yell 'wake up'. lol. The last time he was about and she could try and have a conversation she asked if they could do something together, he replied with 'we got married so we wouldnt have to do all that going out'. When you are already questioning why the marriage still exists that reply was another nail in the coffin.

code-a-holic

emlou2009 wrote: »

what an awful situation for her ex OH. he met, i assume fell in love with, married this woman and took care of her by working long hours and taking no days off so she didnt have to do a days work for 7 years and now he has to deal with her trying to get what she thinks she is "entitled to" - the business and home he had before he even met her. sounds a bit mills/mccartney to me, i'm afraid!

When they got married she moved in with him into his parents house. 5 years ago the farm paid for them to convert a barn on a field a mile away. So they planned and built it together and moved in. The house means so much to her as it was designed by her but she dosnt feel that she would have any right to live in it if she called a split. Never know, the OH spends more time in his parents house he might suggest he moves there so she and the girls can stay in the house.... but then she would still be very tied to the farm so probably not something worth considering.

code-a-holic

KellyWelly wrote: »

I'm all for women getting what they are entitled to and for fathers supporting their children, but something about this seems really off - has she never worked and has she never supported herself? Did she really get married at 33 years of age and move into her husband's family's property and sit around all day as a kept woman after being supported by her mother and father her whole adult life?


Like I say, it goes against what my normal instinct is but I don't feel like this all adds up tbh.

When i met them - i was amazed byt the set up and how the marriage came about to be honest! Love has never been a factor. She had recently moved the area as her parents were and felt she may as well join them. She was aware the clock was ticking and that she wanted to settle down. Sounds awful but i cant think of a better way to phrase it - he was one of the lasy unmarried guys in the area so they got to know each other. She told me this - one day she said ' right, i want kids, do you want to settle down, if not i'll move on' he said ahhh go on then, and that was the start of a beautiful relationship! Still amazes me. Part of an argument would be why complain now when romance has never been part of the deal, but her children are old enough to notice now and it is effecting them.

moneysaver12

Sorry can't help, i just wonder how anyone can marry somone whom they don't love.

Emmzi

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Sorry can't help, i just wonder how anyone can marry somone whom they don't love.

Happened all the time when it wasnt the norm for women to work. And for royalty. People have all kinds of reasons for getting married, and someone you can 'get along with' may be just right for many people.

Big romantic dream? It's a crock. I'm sure many people get divorced due to Mills & Boon style unrealstic expectations. I am delighted for those who do find a lifelong grand passion, but truly believe they are the exception.

moneysaver12

Emmzi wrote: »

Happened all the time when it wasnt the norm for women to work. And for royalty. People have all kinds of reasons for getting married, and someone you can 'get along with' may be just right for many people.

Big romantic dream? It's a crock. I'm sure many people get divorced due to Mills & Boon style unrealstic expectations. I am delighted for those who do find a lifelong grand passion, but truly believe they are the exception.

But surely most people get married because they love that person. I wouldn't be marrying my oh if i didn't love him. I just can't imagine been with some one and not been in love with them.