Predicament [Please Help]

alipops1986

Evening Folks,

Feeling a bit (

Have put in offer for house earlier, awaiting until monday to find out if it's been accepted as it's a repossession.

Now, so we are in a better position time scale wize, my parents are going to take out a loan for the house [approx 80k] which has all been approved etc [am very lucky my parents can afford to do this]. Then, together we are going to do it up, then in 6mnths time, i'll buy it from them with a morgage. By which time i'll have proof of income of 21k and will be able to get a higher morgage. Until then i'll make the repayments of the loan [between 400-500 pounds a mnth].
My parents and I are both in agreement to this and it's financially viable.

However, my eldest brother is addicted to gambling and in next few months will possibly lose his home. [He has 2 little kids and a wife]. My parents have said they feel guilty helping me but not my brother, basically because he can't be trusted to repay a loan his addiction is so bad and he has not sought any help.

This has made me feel really guilty as well, having my parents help. However, i will pay them back by gettin a morgage and meet all the payments beforehand.

Just can't help but think, maybe i should stop my parents helping me?

david29dpo

Sorry to say i have little sympathy for your brother, dont let him drag you or others down.

Norma_Desmond

Agree with the above!

pawpurrs

Well,I can see that it would make you feel torn.
Have you got a deposit for this house?

alipops1986

Yup, i've saved 10k.
7k of this would go towards the house, when i take over the morgage in 6mnths time.
However, need to secure the house first!

Nenen

Please don't feel guilty about this. Whilst I feel extremely sorry for anyone who has an addiction as addiction is a terrible thing, that is NOT your fault. Would your parents go and buy bottles of whiskey for your brother if he was an alcoholic or heroine if he was a drug addict?

I certainly would not give/loan any money to an addict as all you are doing is fuelling the addiction and letting him get even deeper in debt. For the sake of fairness your parents could legitimately say to your brother (should he need to know about this arrangement) that if he seeks professional help for his gambling addiction and can prove to them that he has been 'on the wagon' for at least a year, then they would consider helping him in a similar way. That means that by the time you have paid your parents back they will have the money to help your brother if he can meet these conditions and they wish to do so.

In the meantime, should the family wish to help your brother, then I would suggest joining one of the family support groups for specialist advice as to how to do this. A friend of mine whose son is a drug addict has had tremendous support from Adfam who showed her that by bailing her addict son out she was inadvertantly preventing him from reaching rock bottom when he had to face the consequences of his addiction and hence find the desire to seek treatment. I think that helping an addict is extremely difficult and needs professional advice. Best of luck.

Turin_Turambar

How would you're parents help you're brother?

Would they offer to pay his mortgage so he does not lose his house, but couldn't he then get a loan, securing his house against it, to carry on gambling?

alipops1986

Turin_Turambar wrote: »

How would you're parents help you're brother?

Would they offer to pay his mortgage so he does not lose his house, but couldn't he then get a loan, securing his house against it, to carry on gambling?

It's very complicated but the fact he hasn't sought help for his addiction is the reason he can't be helped at the moment. Despite knowing this, it is still difficult for my parents to accept and i understand the guilt. I am confident, clearing some debt wouldn't help him, he'd see this as a clean slate to continue to gambling, plus the chance of my parents regaining their money is slim.

BitterAndTwisted

Being on the receiving end of some good fortune is your reward. Your brother sounds like he doesn't deserve it at all at the moment.

Something similar happened in my family a while back (not gambling but recklessness and downright irresponsibility) and the resentment it caused was beyond description.

Try to ensure your brother does not learn of this. And your poor sister-in-law.

Turin_Turambar

alipops1986 wrote: »

It's very complicated but the fact he hasn't sought help for his addiction is the reason he can't be helped at the moment. Despite knowing this, it is still difficult for my parents to accept and i understand the guilt. I am confident, clearing some debt wouldn't help him, he'd see this as a clean slate to continue to gambling, plus the chance of my parents regaining their money is slim.

You need to tell your parents this. You and them need not feel guilty, as you will be paying your parents back.

As Nenen posted above...

I certainly would not give/loan any money to an addict as all you are doing is fuelling the addiction and letting him get even deeper in debt. For the sake of fairness your parents could legitimately say to your brother (should he need to know about this arrangement) that if he seeks professional help for his gambling addiction and can prove to them that he has been 'on the wagon' for at least a year, then they would consider helping him in a similar way. That means that by the time you have paid your parents back they will have the money to help your brother if he can meet these conditions and they wish to do so.

clutton_2

you will find it probably very difficult to "take over the mortgage" or buy the house in 6 months as most mortgage products have ERCs Early Repayment Charges which mean that if you redeem the mortage in, say, less than 5 years, you will probably have to pay 5% of the amount of the mortgage as a fee.... read your small print very carefully - it is always itemised in great detail. Plus lenders charge "closing fees" "deed fees" solicitors fees, obviously, mortgage brokers fees, valuations fees - all these will eat into your £10k VERY quickly

best of luck