Naughty six year old, please save my sanity!

hobbesy_2

I am honestly at the end of my tether today. I have a 6yr old boy and 3yr old girl. DS has always been very lively, we have taught him very good manners so he knows how to behave and as a rule if he's naughty its because he's got overexcited or is frustrated by something and doesn't know how to let it out. Like all kids he's had little phases of tantrums out of the blue, but this usually lasts for a few days and is then gone as quick as it came.

Last few weeks his behaviour has become increasingly worse. I work at his school, and although I probably only pass him once or twice in the hallway I'm in the right place to hear about how he's doing and have quite informal chats with his teachers. They're having the same problem too. At school he's not listening, acting silly, getting into little scuffles (nothing serous) and if someone does something to him he is incapable of backing down even if a teacher has intervened. At home he is picking on his little sister, seems to enjoy making her cry (honestly smirks like some little devil child in the corner if he manages to make her scream), doesn't seem to listen to a word I say and will do something 2 minutes after I've asked him not to. eg. Just yesterday he was jumping on his mini trampoline and had moved it across the garden so he could jup up at the washing line til he pulled it down. I brought him into the house and made him sit in the hallway for 5 minutes while I sorted out the washing (no distractions in there, unlike bedroom). He's there screaming, shouting and banging for at least the first 3 minutes, then finally is resolved that he is very sorry and won't do it again. Back out into the garden for 10 minutes and I find him jumping up at the second line! Its a very small house and garden, I'm 2 minutes away at all times, he knows he'll get caught!

Its not just boredom as he's kept busy all the time at school and doing it there still. Here we have been trying to get out and about, have a large field behind our house for both kids to let off steam in at least once a day

We live in an area where a lot of kids are just left to roam the streets from morning to night no matter how young they are, and I know he finds it hard that we don't let him. But he's not very streetwise and could guarantee he'll be the kid to chase his football into the road and get run over (no-one watches their speed round here either)

He's currently in his bedroom after making his sister scream yet again (running round the garden not letting her have her favourite teddy). This was non-stop yesterday and I can't take it again today. I've calmed while writing this but was honestly shaking and close to tears before. If I'm brutally honest I'm at the point where I want to smack him frickin hard but I know it wouldn't do either of us any good. I just don't know what to do!

Please tell me someone's boy did this for a while and then calmed again. I know all the right things. Naughty steps, rewarding the positives, etc. NOTHING is working. People who haven't seen it first hand don't believe me as he can be so polite and cheerful when he wants to. I want my little boy back!!

argh!

princessamy86

Ah you could be describing my cousin! He was an absolute horror from the age of 4 until 9, he used to follow me round when I babysat and smack and pinch me just to get a rise out of me. However, and I know this isn't the nicest thing in the world, I just used to put his coat and wellies on and lock him out in the garden, and consequently I used to be the only person he would behave with. Keep at it with rewarding good behaviour and if you can manage it, ramp up the punishment. 5 mins on a naughty step isn't doing it, so get creative!

My mum had some really good ones, like making devil child stay right next to her at all times as "she couldn't trust him", and making sure his sister was included in nice things. It does sound pretty harsh, but it was literally the only way to get through to him that his behaviour was unacceptable. Supernanny's trick is a good one, make eye contact on their level and make them acknowledge the fact that they are being naughty. Otherwise, it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, just keep at it and he will eventually get the message.

RedBern

you have my sympathies. My youngest used to be 'a bit of a handful' - and we found that he was particularly bad when he had certain food colourings - particularly smarties! He would be out of control for about 30 minutes, incredibly hard work and then would come back down again and be lovely. We recognised the triggers in terms of the sweets, and after that used to monitor carefully what he had - in fact at parties he'd take the little box of smarties out of the goodie bag because he didn't like how he felt!!
Try rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad - and keep an eye on what triggers may be. Good luck

Brodiebobs

I'm a mum of a 5 and a half year old and she's been the same at the moment, i used to work with children with behavioural problems so i do have a very high tolerance for dificult behaviour but even she tests me, so i dont know how i'd cope if i had a shorter fuse!!
Sounds like alot of the behaviour maybe attention seeking as he continually repeating behaviour he's been told not to do, and he is of an age where he can understand. The more you shout and scream the more he'll repeat the behaviour for the reaction, what i tend to do is try (i know its hard!) to stay calm, explain why you dont want him to do that (i.e you'll strangle yourself on the washing line!) then he has the reason behind the telling off and if he continues take away a favourite toy or activity (i find DS works well!). Also i've found that if you ask why they are been naughty there is a reason behind it even if they dont tell you at first, and as you say it maybe boredom or wanting your attention. Even if you give him 5 minutes to talk to you or do an activity together perhaps without the younger sister present it may take some of the attention seeking away. We also have a 9 month old and my daughter likes to torment him but again i think this is boredom, especially like now in school hols, but she seems to overcome this when i keep her occupied, its easy when the weathers nice as i let her paint in the garden, you dont have to clean up the mess! or something to help me such as watering the plants, digging up weeds, she even painted the fence last week, kept her occupied to 2 hours, quite an acheivement!
At the end of the day you cant let yourself get too stressed about it, smacking shouting and screaming wont do any good as you said, if you get to that point just walk away and leave him to it (as long as he's safe!) and eventually he'll learn he wont get the reaction, carry on the positives rewards, it may seem like he's not paying attention at the moment the more you do it and (within reason) ignore the bad stuff the more it will reinforce good behaviour. :T

KellyWelly

My son was like this from probably 5 and 1/2 to 7ish, he's 7 and 1/2 now. He was naughty at home, at school and anywhere in between. I don't know if it's a coincidence but we spoke to his class teacher who told us he was doing absolutely zero work in class and was achieving nothing at all so went to see the head as I was astounded when I saw how !!!! his exercise books were and very concerned about the teaching. He was assessed in the end as being gifted and talented and is now being given work more suited to him (he has the reading age of 11 years and does very complex maths work - probably 3 years ahead of himself) and has settled down incredibly well.

Boys do change a lot from about age 4 and increasingly need more boy time with dads etc, it is quite hard as a mum sometimes to adjust I think and that can also make it all seem a lot worse. Also think back to how you and your siblings treated each other, my brothers and I were so bad - I think we must have driven my mother insane. It's little wonder to me now we were sent out to play even when it was raining!!

lolababy

Hi clear out his toys and only give him a toy when he behaves. Have a star chart so that one star equals one toy. No star no toy. Full star chart week he gets to choose a treat.
Have a communication book for his teacher to write in so that you know if he has been good or not. Again use the star chart.
Also have a star chart for your daughter so that he has competition ie your daughter earning more stars=more treats.
You could start off with a box of favourite toys and then take one each time he is naughty.
Maybe get him involved in outside activity such as martial arts to burn off his energy.

mrcow

Not trying to sound like you're not doing everything that you can, but do you think some of this could be attention seeking?

How is he when you sit down with him and have one on one time? Is he cheeky/naughty then. Or when you do activities with the two of them together (I mean stuff like playing games, cooking, reading etc where you're supervising quite firmly over them and doing specific tasks etc.) , does he mess around then or hurt or tease your daughter?

I have three kids, and they tend to do more "naughty" stuff when left to their own devices for too long. The school thing could be a similar thing in that he may be bored? What has he said about his school work? Does he find it hard/easy - what does he think about the fact that he's not completing work?My son has trouble keeping motivated to get work done - in my day he would have been called a daydreamer - they don't use that term in schools now. But his teacher started using a timer to encourage him to concentrate on his work for a certain period of time and it did help.

Have the school tried keeping him in a playtime to get his work done? Or moving him onto a table of his own to see if it helps?

In terms of not being able to "back down" - well some people just can't hear the word "no". I know plenty of adults like it. It's not necessarily a bad trait to have, but as a parent, you have to know how to manipulate it to still get the results you want.

You sound like you're doing the right things in terms of giving him clear messages about what behaviour you expect etc. All I can say is don't be too hard on him. I wouldn't think using violence is going to get you anywhere either - if you start showing him that it's an acceptable way to behave - he may just well start hitting you back.

jenhug

keep a food and behaviour diary. My friends daughter was a nightmare, they eventually tracked it to apple juice of all things.

CarolynH

I she jealous of his sister? The youngests tend by default to get more 'attention' and more 'laxness' (i.e. behaviour that is not appropriot for a six year old may well be behavour that a 3 year old doesn't/shouldn't know better).

bonty44

Is there anyway you can ask staff at the school NOT to discuss his behaviour when you are at work? It's difficult I know, as you work at his school, but perhaps this might take some of the heat off him if he feels he's dug himself a big hole and doesn't know how to get out?? Obviously you need to be kept informed but can't this be done down the 'phone call' route home, etc., as opposed to quick chats during the day?

twentypenceoff

i hate to say this, but he isnt coming into contact with adults behaving inappropriately? only behaviour like this can be one of the signs.