Help! Don't know what to do next...

skintchick

Sorry, I'm still confused!!! Why does your huasband only give £240 of his wages towards the bills? Why can;t he put it all in like you do? Sorry if I'm missing something obvious but I can;t understand it.

kathfisch

Congrats on seeking help to get in control of your debt! :T

I can't add much to what's been said except that a debt management plan will affect your credit score as you will be issued with defaults that only clear from your record after 6 years. Some people find this helps them to not run up the debt again becuase it is hard to obtain credit but obviously if you were looking to get a mortgage anytime then it wouldn't be ideal.

Maybe you will feel able to tell your husband when you have a plan sorted in your own mind of how you are going to cope. Telling/showing him what you have done to sort things out is a fab way of showing that you are serious about it and are taking responsability. Sometimes spouses are angry or worried that they will be expected to "bale you out" when in fact that usually doesn't help at all. Most people feel so relieved having told their other half, normally the reaction is not as bad as you fear and having the support of someone close to you is so valuable (as is not having to lie).

Best of luck

Kath

tyllwyd

Sorry for getting confused over whether your expenditure was joint or not!

It seemed strange that your husband was paying so little towards the joint living expenses. Now that you have explained that he earns very little, it makes more sense. But his income is 60 per cent of yours, which I guess means that he could be paying towards the bills in the same proportion. My brain has gone soft and I have lost the ability to work out what it should be, but I think it would be more like £300. Do you think that is fair? Do you think he might be able to put in a bit more, to take some of the financial pressure off you?

red10_3

he works in a restaurant so does get tips on top of that which he spends on petrol for his car (I don't drive). He is also looking for another job either full time or to supplement his current income.

red10_3

skintchick wrote:

Sorry, I'm still confused!!! Why does your huasband only give £240 of his wages towards the bills? Why can;t he put it all in like you do? Sorry if I'm missing something obvious but I can;t understand it.

We split the insurance, water, tv licence, rent, telewest, c/tax in half which comes to approx £240 each. we then take turns to buy the electricity. I buy the food as he has a car to maintain (he needs it to get to work) and he earns less which to me seems fair.

tyllwyd

I still can't help getting a feeling that your husband is putting less into the pot than you are - you say that you buy the food which at £160 x 12 comes out at £1920. His car can't possibly cost that much! And anyway, you are paying out £100 per month on your train ticket, which is the equivalent cost to his car expenses.

I worry that you are falling into the trap of feeling that just because you earn slightly more than he does, you have to make up the shortfall on everything, whereas he can give you £240 then walk away knowing that all of the cash in his pocket is his to spend.

If he has a good week, how much might he get in tips - £20? More? If you thought about it, how much would it add up to over the month - if he gets extra, does he ever give you a bit more, or does he spend it himself?

JAMIEDODGER

also, why are you paying all the rent?

mh1923

Let me add my voice to those encouraging you to talk to your husband. First of all, he probably suspects something, as you have statements coming in every month from the different creditors. Secondly, you can't enact a lot of budget cutting measures without his knowledge. Thirdly, you will feel a lot better if you aren't carrying this burden alone. Look at it this way... if your roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know?

-Michelle

pineapple_beach

Hi there
Well done for posting, as the facing up to and acknowledging the problem is the first step to getting it all sorted...

I got into my debt in two ways; overspending each month (which when I worked it out I could then choose not to do that) plus buying stuff I don't really need, so I could look around me and then get into ebay/amazon/car boot fair/take back to the shops to get some money coming back in. You would be amazed what people will pay for some stuff and you get a sense of clearing out which is nice. If youare unable to incease you working hours, then maybe look around, or get your OH to do this if he only works part time, and try to sell some?

Other options are obviously him getting further formal work, or maybe casual work if he has a skill/ability such as gardening/handyman/or whatever he can do stuff (put some flyers thru doors near you)

As horrid as it may be to tell him of the debt situation, I believe he does need to know, as if you are unable to pay the minimums etc, it will affect him. Look up the thread from Moozie (sorry I can't do the technical stuff) on here to see how it all affected her - quite an inspirational tale. Maybe the stress of shouldering the responsibility of the debt may be showing in other ways in your relationship...?

Sorry to drone on, you do have support here, everyone is or has been in your situation to a greater or lesser scale, you can work thru it and come out the other side.
pineapple_beach

researcher

Hi red10

Marrage is a partnership - and you need to confront these debts together. You say that your husband pays for the car, but you have to pay for your travel and the food. He needs to address his earnings and contribution as £240 a month is far to low and it's one of the reasons you're in so much debt. Sorry to sound hard but if you are going to get out of this situation things have to change.
Good luck and remember that he is your partner - you are supposed to take responsibility together.