Help! Don't know what to do next...

dottyanne

red10 wrote:

Thanks everyone for your responses so far, some handy hints there. Just to clarify on a few points mentioned: My husband and I do live together, his income is about 640 a month, we have no children. All the outgoings are for the full amount. My train travel is work related and I have thought about how I can increase my income but as I currently work full time leaving at 7 in the morning and not getting home til 7 in the evening, that doesn't leave a lot of extra time. I am currently looking for a job a bit closer to home. My mobile is on a contract which ends in July - I am then going to look for a cheaper option. The food bill is for the both of us, food is our one luxury as we both enjoy cooking and rarely go out as neither can afford and my husband works shifts in the eves and weekends. For lunches at work, I tend to buy some bread, cheese and fruit and keep in the cupboard at work and make up sandwiches there.

Thanks for the advice on ppi's, I'm going to look into that. As for struggling with repaying my debts, as well as budgeting should I look for better rates for my loans/credit cards or just try to apply for a payment plan from cccs or similar? Are there downsides to payment plans?

On a final note my husband knows I have some debts but not the extent of them and I don't want to tell him because it would just worry him too much.

:rolleyes:

Hi just a quick post to say that i too was in your position - UNTIL LAST NIGHT!!! - my hubby was aware of debts but not the full extent and not the missed payments etc........ i was terrifed about his reaction - but im soooo glad i confronted it and came clean to him - these are OUR debts - we are a ciuple and we should share both the burden and responsibility - i have learned this the hard way with a few more grey hairs to boot......do what i did, do a full Statement of Affairs - dont miss anything at all off - then print it out and show him - leave him to read it then discuss it........its hard but a problem shared is really a problem halved - you will also get soo much support (as i have) from the kind people on her - so dont despair - youre not as alone as you feel right now.......

Anniek1969

Hi there, I really think you need to talk to your husband. You have 2 loans and 3 C/C and I guess that he knows what the loans where for but he doesn't help with repayments. I know you said that you've been living off C/C for shopping, I done the same for months and it evenutall does catch up with you. You also said that he earns less than you so he pays less, that's fair enough but you earn more yet all your money goes to pay bills, you have nothing left after you pay the bills.

I really think that you have to pull all your money together and work out all of your incomings and outgoings. You're a team and it shouldn't matter who earns more or less, that's fine when you both pay an equal percentage of all the bills but you say he has a car to maintain and fuel I would imagine you pay more for your train ticket and food than he does for his car. I like you don't drive but my husband does and also has a car to maintain but I don't work, I'm a stay at home mum on working tax credits and get a lot less than he does but we put all our money together and pay the bills from our joint account. When the car needs something it comes out that account and when I need something it still comes from the same account. We both see ourselves as equal partners in this relationship and thankfully after the initial shock of facing our debts we are both working together to become debt free and make a better life for our daughters.

Maybe you're sheltering him too much regarding money as you feel that it's you that has got you into this mess and you don't want him to think that you can't cope but that's not the case. The debt belongs to both of you and both of you should work together. You're not a failure by getting in to this mess, just look at how many of us there are on this board who are in the same boat. It's so easy to get into debt without realising you are getting in over your head.

If I were you I'd sit him down with a full SOA including both incomes and tell him that you both have to work at it. When you share this with him you will feel so much better. You don't have to do this alone, the support here is great and I'm sure that after you tell him you will feel more positive about it all.

Good luck.

red10_3

Thanks to all of you for your support on the hubby front. I've been brought up to keep financial affairs private, money was never spoken about in our family and I guess I've continued this habit. But I agree that as my husband and I are in a partnership we need to be more open about our financial situations, it's just the doing it that's really hard but at least I know I have a good support network now, keep your fingers crossed for me!

On a more positive note, I've felt really inspired by all your advice and starting from tomorrow I am going to keep a financial diary and write down EVERYTHING that I spend, I'm currently looking at quotes for a separate ppi which so far have been a lot cheaper than my current loan ppi's - if anyone can recommend a particular one I'd appreciate it. I'm limiting our food bill to £30 per week (I like a challenge!) On monday I'm going to the Alliance & Leicester to change current account to take advantage of their 0% o/d and I'm also going to see if I can change my virgin c/c to a 0% or at least a lower interest rate one. Also NO coffees at the station (this is a weakness of mine) and packed lunches only (if I have to write down everything I'm spending this should help to discipline me). Ok, it's out there now so I've got to try to stick to my new regime, I will keep you posted as to my progress

researcher

Good luck red10, we all appreciate how hard it is for you - but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

:grouphug:

lynzpower

Red10- i need a partner to encourage me to keep to my grocery challenge- any way we can join forces to motivate each other?

Justin_Credit

Well done Red10 and good luck.

I think, as others have already said, that you and hubby need to work as a team on this. Perhaps you could try pooling your incomes and paying all the bills and debts from that and then you could each draw an equal amount of cash for personal expenditure.

At least then you know that you will each have something to spend each month rather than he having a good bit of disposable income and you with zilch.

I'm sure that some of these debts that you have are really joint debts in as much that your husband has benefitted from them, so it is only right that he should contribute towards the repayments.

Regards JC